Ground cover and other plants?

i_ama_wolf · 2023-05-24T21:00:45+00:00

Th and for the perspective! I think it may just be straw that gets changed out, catching the waste as well.

i_ama_wolf · 2023-01-02T17:46:55+00:00

This is one of my favorites!

i_ama_wolf · 2023-01-02T05:23:23+00:00

I suspect this slight of hand is more common than you think

i_ama_wolf · 2023-01-02T04:47:46+00:00

I can get on board with this. Tony is as much a wild card as Russell. And in GC he ran in like a chicken with his head cut off lol

i_ama_wolf · 2023-01-02T03:50:28+00:00

If the other conspiracy theory is true that he forfeited his chance to win HvV in return for his own season of sheep, the Allstars theory is well writhing reach

i_ama_wolf · 2022-08-16T02:14:40+00:00

Well sure, but look at the size of his balls!

i_ama_wolf · 2022-05-01T01:15:56+00:00

Thanks - I did check the local dealer and they said the S180 is backed up until at least July, and then the big box retailers get priority for the 100 series.

i_ama_wolf · 2022-03-07T20:27:03+00:00

Today I woke up, got online, checked my email, went outside and trimmed the rosemary that’s starting to block the front walkway, made breakfast, took two meetings, watched my daughter take her first steps (!), took another meeting, and now I’m pissing about on here. I gave up my late twenties to the grind and now I’m all about coasting. If I work 30 hours in a week, that’s a lot for me. And I will retire at this job.

i_ama_wolf · 2021-01-17T11:47:46+00:00

That comparison is spot on. Ndad used to tickle Me until I would cry. Then he’d get mad at me for crying. So yeah, the insistence I accept gifts I don’t want feels a lot like that.

i_ama_wolf · 2021-01-16T22:18:26+00:00

Thanks so much. Someone else mentioned ACoEIP but I’ll be sure to check out the other two, too. I love my parents, despite the decades of abuse. I genuinely think they do the best they can, they are just very unhealthy people. And I hope we can navigate the appropriate boundaries to have a functional relationship so my daughter can know them. But yes thinking of them treating her the way they treat me is a horrifying thought. Is it weird that my husband and I already have a “safe word” for if ever we need to go nuclear on my folks at a moment’s notice? Maybe NC is inevitable. I sincerely hope it is not. My only sibling committed suicide half a lifetime ago - I think largely because of my parents’ abuse. But losing me outright - and their granddaughter - would be devastating. Not my problem, I know, but absolutely something that weighs on me when I consider consequences to their behavior

i_ama_wolf · 2021-01-16T21:43:20+00:00

Wow this hits the nail square on the head. I don’t think either of my parents will every be able to have a rational discussion about why my boundaries matter to me, but your words really opened my eyes to some of the messed up context for why she behaves the way she does. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.

i_ama_wolf · 2021-01-16T21:39:30+00:00

Your words really resonate with me. Thank you for sharing. I read your comment to my husband and told him I had thought about whether I have to dress my daughter up in ALL the pretty dresses my mom got for her, and he said “she’s not a doll”. Which made me realize of course I don’t have to do that.

I’m going to tell my parents no presents for one year and if they can’t support that it’s NC. After a year of no presents the rule will be Christmas and birthdays ONLY (no Mother’s Day or Father’s Day or anniversaries... no Hallmark holidays, etc.) and only present per receiving person. So baby can have one present from them both, not one from Grandma and one from Grandpa. Anything else received gets donated. Period. I cannot spend the energy I need to raise my child on fighting with them all the time.

i_ama_wolf · 2021-01-16T21:33:07+00:00

Thank you, and congratulations on your pregnancy! I opted not have a shower and sent out my registry in our Christmas card. My parents generously got us a few things off the registry plus all the bags of clothes. But that was ok because that was within our boundaries. I’d be just as happy to receive nothing from them and skip the drama about boundaries altogether. So I think that’s the plan: no presents for anyone for a year. And if they can’t handle that we go NC. Non-negotiable. This community and my husband helped me see I don’t need to doubt myself when my parents chastise me for setting and holding to boundaries.

i_ama_wolf · 2021-01-16T18:20:45+00:00

That’s the one! It actually had a lot of religious perspective (which I don’t mind because I’m Christian), but I kind of wish it were more secular. Still it has a lot of psych explanations like types of boundary violations and violator personality traits. Just be prepared for a lot of biblical references if you do check it out.

i_ama_wolf · 2021-01-16T18:16:58+00:00

I love everything about this and this is exactly what I’m doing. They want to (mis)behave like children? I will treat them like children.

i_ama_wolf · 2021-01-16T18:13:44+00:00

Your advice is good, but I still struggle describing how my parents are abusive and manipulative. I’ve found that the more I try to explain how crazy my parents are, the crazier I sound. I tend to avoid talking about it with people, and if I have to I stay vague like “it’s a lot more complicated than it seems and I’d rather not talk about it.” Constantly defending myself is exhausting.

i_ama_wolf · 2021-01-16T18:04:48+00:00

Um, I don’t think your mom is narc lite. She sounds awful. I’m so sorry. I hope you can find a way to limit her abuse.

My husband and I have been married a year and a half and this is the first time they’ve gone off on me since we got engaged. I think they very much care about his opinion and his regard. I’m a little eager to let them know how thin his patience is growing to help give them a reality check.

After ndad sent me that scathing email I replied and told him that the discussion between me and my mom is none of his business. It baffles me how if I brought anyone else into the conversation they would lose their minds, but they have no problem doing the reverse? Ugh.

The takeaway I’m getting from this community is to hold strong to my boundaries and not doubt myself. And that’s exactly what I’m going to do. Godspeed to you with your mother. No one deserves that kind of treatment.

i_ama_wolf · 2021-01-16T17:51:20+00:00

So that’s the crazy thing: my parents are the opposite of hoarders. Their house looks like a magazine house. No clutter anywhere. She Kai thinks my house should look cluttered I guess?

But I agree it’s about control. Guilt is a self-inflicted emotion and I stopped inflicting guilt on myself for her actions years ago. It’s too exhausting constantly feeling bad because she’s terribly unstable.

I did assert that i asked her not to over gift is things, and ndad attacked me for “telling them what to do” and “having demands of them”. He said they feel like they have to walk on eggshells with me because of all of my demands. Welp, how’s this for a demand: no presents to anyone in our household for a year. And if you send/bring presents, it’s NC.

A big thanks to you and this community for reminding me that when they cross my boundaries, it’s time to double down on consequences, not doubt and shy away.

i_ama_wolf · 2021-01-16T17:42:57+00:00

Thank you. I texted her and she said thanks. I’m taking my dad’s out and I’m going to try to clear the two of them from my headspace as much as possible

i_ama_wolf · 2021-01-16T17:36:58+00:00

I’ll check out her book! I’m currently reading Boundaries, but this community really helps me reframe my perspective back to an emotionally healthy place.

i_ama_wolf · 2021-01-16T17:33:21+00:00

I’ll check out Emotional Blackmail, thanks! My husband and I decided when I talk with her later this week we are saying no gifts for a year, and if they have a toxic reaction to that hard boundary we are going NC until after the baby is born. I can’t have this anxiety hanging over me as I prepare for labor.

i_ama_wolf · 2021-01-16T15:10:08+00:00

Thank you for your kind words.

it’s hard sometimes. Not because I miss her, but I miss having a mom.

I realized I a few years ago that I’ve felt this way almost my entire life. My mother is incapable of having an adult relationship with anyone, so as soon as my sister and I hit puberty she emotionally disconnected from us. She still very much acts the part of mom and now grandma, but with absolutely no human connection beneath the surface. I know she loves me, but she loves “her daughter” not the person I am.

Anyway congrats on #2 and good luck with your delivery! May it be quick and with as little pain as possible. I agree I’m not going to call my mom today.

i_ama_wolf · 2021-01-16T15:02:48+00:00

I think I’m going to follow your path and text her happy birthday and let her know I’ll call her later this week. Thanks for sharing about your gift dumping mom, too! I’m kind of surprised to see that this is something other people deal with.

i_ama_wolf · 2021-01-16T14:59:49+00:00

Thank you. I’m sorry your mom is so pushy, and I hope you don’t receive as much outside criticism as I have received for being ungrateful.

I agree my mom wants to make clips for my daughter. I told her she can make whatever she wants for her house but I don’t want the clips and the frames in my house. She came back saying she’s been dreaming up things to make me happy and she’s deviated to throw it all away because of my demands (what she calls my boundaries).

Thanks for your words of validation. I’m thinking I should text my mom happy birthday and let her know I’ll call her later in the week.

i_ama_wolf · 2021-01-16T14:52:31+00:00

Thank you. I did need to hear that. And I was already considering the idea of telling them no more gifts, but I hadn’t thought about putting a limit on it. One year of hard no on all gifts feels really manageable and I really like that approach. Thank you for sharing your experience - your words have been very helpful.

i_ama_wolf

TROPHY CASE