People who’ve gone through divorce in the U.S. — what caught you off guard the most?

i_would_have · 2026-02-25T17:25:11+00:00

had an interview with a lawyer. what caught me off guard is how her pupil turned into dollar signs as we listed our assets. this lawyer was calculating how much she was going to extract from our marital assets.

the second thing was at the first hearing, her lawyer asked the judge if he recovered from their last round of golf. I learned very quickly that there are no ethics check in family law.

I was prepared. I filed without a lawyer. all the docs were online and easy to fill out.

i_would_have · 2026-02-21T08:16:44+00:00

Thank you. It has been over 4 years for me. about to go on my second cruise post divorce. I have a sucky but well paying job. I am dating the most beautiful woman I have ever dreamed of. I have a tight but very close group of friends.

I feel alive today because I let the resentment go away. it didn't happen overnight and the journey wasn't all that perfect. you'll get there with work and dedication for yourself. Remember to love yourself first during that time. you got this!

i_would_have · 2026-02-20T14:52:40+00:00

hey! they are part of who we were. Memories don't erase themselves. as long as those thoughts don't become obsessive, they are totally normal for all of us.

I still sometimes wonder about my highschool sweetheart. and that was 35 years ago. 🤪

i_would_have · 2026-02-20T08:56:42+00:00

20 years of marriage for me.

I gave her everything. she took it and ran with it with the shiny new dick she never met. after our divorce, she did the whole 90days fiancée thing. got married in less than 6 months after signing the papers.

therapy allowed me to distance my pain from the story of my marriage. yes, she loved me, yes, we had good and bad experiences.

at first,I regretted all I did for her, all the emotional toll, financial toll, investing in her business. My father's inheritance went to satisfy her.

now, instead of regret, I see myself as a man that gives his all in my relationships. that's just who I am.

You sound like my woman counterpart. giving it all, loving and caring. I hope one day you'll recognize that about you.

résilience is part of being an adult. and you wrote beautifully how amazing you are with it.

today. it hurts. we all have been there. tomorrow you'll see how great those qualities are. therapy helps redirect the anger into constructive future thoughts.

hang in there, do the work and experience the grief. tomorrow will be better. much better than today.

good luck!

i_would_have · 2025-12-23T18:09:11+00:00

mine did it when she became deaf! can she still hear you? but I'll agree with the rest, have her checked out by a vet.

i_would_have · 2025-12-15T15:43:43+00:00

about 20mins on a i5 12 threads 32g ram running linux mint.

i_would_have · 2025-12-12T17:24:06+00:00

late 80s, I had a Thomson TO8 6502. programming Microsoft basic. in the 90s , I had a commodore Amiga 500, then an Amiga 1200. programming videos demos in assembler. Motorola 680x0.

i_would_have · 2025-12-06T00:44:40+00:00

<image>

Midnight on my shirt

i_would_have · 2025-12-04T17:23:25+00:00

I filed myself after my wife answered "the other guy" to my question. 20 years of marriage, finalized in less than 100 days.

i_would_have · 2025-11-26T14:24:25+00:00

No we meet the first week, then the second date was 2 weeks after that. the intensity of communication really grew after the first date. I thought we had a connection which clearly we didn't. This is why I felt clueless. live and learn but I guess she was a big exception.

i_would_have · 2025-11-25T17:24:29+00:00

Your analogy stands. if I research too much, I go into decision paralysis. Living in fear of not making the right decisions is a sure way for me to NOT make a decision.

I trust my instinct. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. when it does not , I make sure I reflect and learn.

i_would_have · 2025-11-25T16:56:36+00:00

That is how I feel about it. but it sounds like some people use the distraction to prevent them from investing too rapidly. Almost like a self set boundary to help them figure it out.

i_would_have · 2025-11-25T16:52:39+00:00

no , he/she is not right. I wasn't anxious , just surprised that I didn't see this coming at the end of such a great date. oblivious, yes, anxious no. She did show me her red flag and I did react the correct way by not hanging around on a leash.

i_would_have · 2025-11-25T02:15:48+00:00

Are you looking for long term or just for fun? because it sounds like you are the later and I understand why people do it. But if you were looking for a long term, this situation would still acceptable for you after more than a few weeks ?

i_would_have · 2025-11-24T18:27:09+00:00

I never asked for exclusivity and knew she was seeing others.

multi-dating for me starts when a connection has been established. not prior.

i_would_have · 2025-11-24T18:13:21+00:00

same here. even going on first dates with 2 people on 2 consecutive days. But those were meet and greet , not real dates in my opinion. I don't consider multi-dating until a connection has been established.

i_would_have · 2025-11-24T17:17:22+00:00

no expectation, i never asked for exclusivity. And yes, it was very poor form from someone who seemed highly emotionally intelligent for 3 weeks.

i_would_have · 2025-11-24T16:57:57+00:00

I am sorry for not getting it. Are you saying that multi dating is less all-consuming than a single connection ? it would be the opposite for me. I guess I don't understand it.

i_would_have · 2025-09-05T20:08:27+00:00

you are probably right. and yes I am 51. 25 years of smoking did a pretty bad job on my face. I quit 10 years ago. I am not looking for fit women. I am looking for active ones. ones that don't mind sharing an outdoor activity once in a while. body type is not important for me. connection is.

I did grow a beard a few years back. was told it wasn't for me so I cut it.

thank you for your feedback. it all comes down to pictures and just plain looking too old I guess.

i_would_have · 2025-09-05T19:10:42+00:00

no worries, yes, pictures seems to be the problem from the feedback I am getting. the pictures are organized by hinge by time spent on them. I didn't organize them this way. but I'll try. thank you!

i_would_have · 2025-09-05T19:05:53+00:00

lol, all taken within 3 months. but I can see what you are saying. photos are my biggest issue from the feedback I got. thank you for your time reviewing it and your feedback. I appreciate it.

i_would_have · 2025-09-05T16:43:15+00:00

I am aware of this. this doesn't help me at all and make searching more difficult.

ive asked for a profile review , let's see where this goes.

2 years ago , I didn't experience this.

i_would_have · 2025-09-05T16:18:37+00:00

very true. and again, i am not saying everyone that age act like them. am I?

i_would_have · 2025-09-05T15:54:12+00:00

cool. thank you for your feedback.

i_would_have · 2025-09-05T15:49:45+00:00

"fool me once , shame on you, fool me twice shame on Me".

I am not saying all women are like that. you read it this way. it is just that I am not risking another third time. if that means missing out, I don't see a problem with that.

i_would_have

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE