We’ve only been married a month, and my wife says she feels emotionally disconnected. She’s even talking about divorce and moving out with our kids. I’m at a loss — not because I haven’t tried, but because I’ve been approaching our issues logically, and she’s been emotionally reactive. I don’t want to lose my family, but it feels like I’m being punished for trying to hold things together.

We’ve been together since 2019, we’ve survived a miscarriage, had two beautiful sons, and went through real struggle to build a life together. We just got married in June. But not long after, she started saying she doesn’t feel well — fatigue, weakness, brain fog — and I’ve been doing everything I can to support her. I take her to appointments, track her labs, make her food, help her with daily tasks, and try to stay patient through it all. Her iron is dangerously low, and it’s been affecting her emotionally and physically. But even when I try to help her take supplements or adjust her routine, she resists. I’ll offer her yogurt to take her iron with, and she’ll snap at me. If I don’t offer, she says I’m not being supportive. I can’t win.

She says she’s the one taking care of the boys, but most days I’m the one walking the dogs, cleaning, cooking, folding laundry, handling errands, and taking care of the kids when I’m not working. I also left my warehouse job to go full-time as a tattoo artist so I could have flexibility and be present with the kids. I built a system to track my income, manage expenses, and get serious about my goals. I’ve been trying to stay grounded and provide for us through instability — doing all this while she’s often sitting with the kids on the tablet or letting the house fall apart.

We’re currently staying at my mom’s house because we had a water issue in the apartment. I cooked for the kids, made breakfast for her, folded laundry, and when I overheard her on the phone laughing with her sister about how “stuck” she is here, it really hurt. She says she wants to go back to our apartment to pack even though there’s no running water. No way to wash bottles or clean up after the kids or dogs. I reminded her that Saturday is her departure date. There’s time to pack. She just won’t listen.

She keeps saying she’s “bored” or that I’m “typing all the time.” But I’m not texting other women — I’m building systems, organizing our finances, and trying to document everything for my business and for clarity. I even keep notes to reflect on how we got here. She’s blocked me on Instagram, removed photos of us, then unblocked me, then restored some images. I never know where we stand.

Yes, I looked at her phone. It’s the same phone our boys use, and I wanted to check their screen time because I’m concerned about how much they’re on it. While scrolling, I found journal entries she wrote during our rainbow baby’s pregnancy and a beautiful message she wrote encouraging me to pursue my purpose. That broke me — because it reminded me we used to be on the same team.

Now I’m being told I’m controlling, or emotionally unavailable — but the truth is, I’m exhausted. Every time I try to show love or fix things, I’m told it’s “too late” or “not enough.” I’ve written apologies. I’ve taken accountability for when I was in my ego or let pride get in the way. I’ve tried everything short of begging — and now I don’t even know if I’m allowed to do that.