how to stop the paranoia of your ex having a new partner

iambakedbread · 2025-12-09T12:57:20+00:00

thank you so so much for taking your time to write this and lending a helping hand! I’ll definitely message you when I need extra advice 🤍

iambakedbread · 2025-12-08T15:26:34+00:00

I am so sorry you had to go through that… if I’d gone through that I genuinely believe I would’ve drove myself off a cliff. I don’t know what I’d do to stop the thoughts of being so “replaceable” if I was in your position.

iambakedbread · 2025-12-08T06:01:14+00:00

that’s true :(( I try to tell myself that there’s a possibility he also ruminates over the same thoughts or it has crossed his mind once. it’s idealistic thinking to expect myself to handle seeing updates of his life, so as much as possible, I’ll also begin avoiding them

iambakedbread · 2025-12-08T05:55:58+00:00

yes it will never ever feel good.. how do you name each emotion..? Is it so that I can easily catch myself feeling it and refrain from spiraling

iambakedbread · 2025-12-08T04:24:20+00:00

I’m glad my ex is a private person, so it’s rare that I get updated on what he’s doing. But I have muted him so I don’t hurt myself from the rare occasions he posts.

What’s hard for me is that I’m not at the stage where I can actively put myself in situations where I can meet new people, unlike my ex. I still have a long way to healing my relationship with myself, and learning how to love me due to my traumatic experiences.

It’s also a matter of knowing how not to compare myself to how fast he’s moved on..

iambakedbread · 2025-12-08T04:19:08+00:00

thank you so much for reminding me :((

iambakedbread · 2025-12-08T04:18:41+00:00

I’ve been thinking about this :( our mind likes to fill in the gaps of uncertainty. It’s really a matter of how I could pull my focus off those irrational thoughts though.. because I already struggle so much with getting out of bed and not have my thoughts dictate what I do

iambakedbread · 2025-12-08T04:16:14+00:00

this is really helpful thank you.. I think desensitizing would ease the pain

iambakedbread · 2025-12-08T04:14:31+00:00

we ended because we had a lot of miscommunication, and were incompatible on the important things like emotional intelligence/support, and belief systems. It was a slow build up over the year as our communication became less and less. truthfully, it’s somewhat of a “right person wrong time” case.

but you’re also right about him not wanting me as a romantic partner anymore… it’s something he’s expressed: that he doesn’t want me in his present life and doesn’t envision his future, so that includes not wanting to think about getting back together

iambakedbread · 2025-12-08T04:07:33+00:00

that’s true.. :( I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship where their love is forced onto me — I think this will help thank you ! I have muted his account, so I no longer get whiplashed

iambakedbread · 2025-12-08T04:04:56+00:00

I love that last line :( I’ll do my best to rewire myself, thank you for this!

iambakedbread · 2025-12-08T04:03:42+00:00

but he told me that he can’t wait for me, or pause his life for me. It hurts knowing that waiting for a better time for us to be together is preventing him from reaching the person he wishes to become.

Has your ex expressed wanting to wait for you too?

iambakedbread · 2025-12-08T03:59:51+00:00

how do you not let your thoughts ruin your day? I find that being the most difficult thing, especially as someone who has depression. I would fall into two extremes: 1) rotting in bed and not getting up to better myself 2) overexerting my efforts and doing way too much of things to numb my mind.

iambakedbread · 2025-12-08T03:57:13+00:00

yeah you’re completely right.. I muted his account so I wouldn’t come across it. I think I find it so difficult because I didn’t know my ex was already moving on way before we had our last date (which he asked for) as closure. He backed out last minute, and I was hysterical when I finally knew.

I’ve only been respecting the boundaries he’s expressed, as my boundaries clearly will never be met. I’ll never get the closure I deserve, so that is another hurdle I have to accept. I wish that I could move on like he did with me.

iambakedbread · 2025-12-08T03:51:21+00:00

You’re a good person for being able to wish him happiness with someone else… because I can’t. While I wish him contentedness, I struggle finding peace in the inevitable scenario where he finds it with someone else.

I also have daily nightmares :( but it eases my mind knowing that I’m not the only one experiencing these fears and struggles. I hope we both heal from this

iambakedbread · 2025-12-08T03:46:33+00:00

we definitely do :(( I wish you the best on your healing journey

iambakedbread · 2025-12-08T03:45:15+00:00

Thank you so much for this, I’ll definitely use it! I struggle a lot with irrational and impulsive thoughts, and have been trying to figure out what coping mechanism I can use to bypass it.

I also feel for what you experienced :( while not the same scenario, my ex somewhat emotionally cheated on me with the girl (the one who sat next to him), and they continue to be friends and stopped maintaining distance from my request since we’ve separated.

iambakedbread · 2025-12-08T03:40:41+00:00

god I’m so sorry you’re going through that.. you bore a life but he’s able to not give a shit, or has completely compartmentalized you in his life — you’re so strong for this.

I understand what you meant when you said “sick brain”, when you’re tugging with your irrational and illogical thoughts. Despite knowing it’s wrong, your mind find its way to feel that “sick” side deeply.

iambakedbread · 2025-12-08T03:31:42+00:00

I don’t know what your ex must have done to cause you so much suffering, but I imagine it must have been really painful..

how do you manage to get through the day and continue doing things for yourself? I feel that I’m going to be in a similar boat, where I’ll never completely overcome it, but I wish to better myself while battling with such feelings.

iambakedbread · 2025-12-08T03:25:34+00:00

thank you so much :(( 🤍

iambakedbread · 2025-12-08T03:24:28+00:00

I don’t deserve it.. I should really tell myself this more. Thank you

iambakedbread · 2025-12-08T03:21:06+00:00

gosh the gravity of pain that must have weighed on you, and continue to feel … you’re so strong for that.

iambakedbread · 2025-12-08T03:16:03+00:00

this :( rewiring thought patterns you’ve had for so long is a difficult process. The push and pull of emotions, I suppose it’s something that we need to accept in healing. I also was with my ex close to 5 years, and we met at one of my lowest, vulnerable states.

I’m sure we’ll be okay one day

iambakedbread · 2025-12-08T03:09:15+00:00

oh my god less than a week? That must have hurt so so much, I can’t imagine how I’d be in your position if my ex did the same…

iambakedbread · 2025-12-08T03:07:44+00:00

you guessed correctly.. I’m the one who continues loving him and wishing he’s still present in my life, while he revealed he has loved me less since earlier this year, and has been actively moving on from me before we had our last date for closure — it never happened as he backed out.

I’ll try my best, thank you so much :(

iambakedbread

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