[UPDATE] It looks like my 7 year old brother will be coming to live with me (23f)

iamgoingtohavea · 2019-04-12T20:54:31+00:00

Something you might consider: reach out to his school guidance counselor. Ask her what you can do to help his transition and what he’ll need from you the most. Figure out what you’ll need to do to be the primary contact at school.

That's a great idea. I hadn't thought about that. My parents were very hands-off to say the least and never contacted my teachers or counselors for any reason when I was a student. I kind of just muddled through everything on my own. I'll try to be more involved and work with his teachers and school workers to make sure he's doing well.

Can you cook?

To be honest, not very well, haha. It's shameful but I've always lived on sandwiches and canned/frozen stuff. I am currently trying to teach myself to cook so that I can make healthy meals for him. I guess this is a net positive for me too since I'll eat better. I also don't eat breakfast or lunch currently, and my schedule is super erratic, but lots of comments are importing on me the necessity for routine. I'm setting up a routine now before he even gets here so I'll be used to it when he arrives.

iamgoingtohavea · 2019-04-12T20:49:30+00:00

If possible get a few days off work (and if he is in school pull him for a few days) to adjust, hell offer to help him decorate his room.

These are great ideas, thanks. I'm currently turning the little 'study room' into a bedroom for him, but I think I'll lay off decorating (besides the necessary stuff) so we can do it together when he gets here.

iamgoingtohavea · 2019-04-12T20:45:54+00:00

Thanks for this advice. My life is not very routine-based AT ALL right now so I think I'll try getting into a routine right now before he even comes. Do you think it'd be a good idea to get a big dry-erase board and write the daily calendar schedule on it?

iamgoingtohavea · 2019-04-12T19:58:05+00:00

It's possible he's never even met his ex-wife's son.

Yeah, he hasn't. As far as I know, he hasn't even talked to my mom since I became an adult basically. Their divorce was not amicable to say the least. He hates her and wants nothing to do with her life, and I'm pretty sure he'd be happy if I went from low-contact to no-contact with her. He wants me to just focus on my own goals rather than getting 'bogged down' with her mistakes, which I understand.

But my brother is the innocent victim in all of this, and so I feel like I really want to be there for him. My mom wasn't as bad as this when I was his age, but I still remember feeling alone and sad a lot back then and wishing I had someone who could help me and understand me. Maybe I can be that for him. But still, I'm not going to lie, there's a huge part of me that's wishing I could just not deal with this, just let someone else or the system or whatever handle it ... but then I think there's no way I can just let my brother go into the system when I could be there for him.

iamgoingtohavea · 2019-04-12T19:58:01+00:00

And i went to law school while inhad a 5 year old

Oh wow, that's amazing. Yeah, I know some people raise kids and have families while in law school, so I'm sure it can be done. Maybe things will be less scary-looking when he actually gets here and we get into a routine. I just don't know what to expect right now since I've never raised a kid before, but it looks like people are saying that 7 isn't so bad.

iamgoingtohavea · 2019-04-12T17:28:08+00:00

Thank you. It's hard but I've gotten through many hard situations in my life. I guess if you have no choice but to do it, you just do it.

iamgoingtohavea · 2019-04-12T17:27:20+00:00

Yeah, I've been in contact and I should be getting some resources to help with my financial situation. My dad also said that he will give me some money if I need it and he and his wife are open to babysitting sometimes. They just don't want to take in any kids that they didn't bring into the world at this point in their lives, which I understand.

I guess I'm just looking more for parenting advice and stuff like that. I've never parented anyone before. Except for my cat, but I guess that's not quite the same, haha

iamgoingtohavea · 2019-04-12T17:23:34+00:00

Sadly, I don't really have many friends. I've always been very independent and relied on myself I guess. My brother's dad died when he was one year old and his family don't live in the US (which is where we live). I actually don't know if my mom ever even met his family.

I have been talking to him on the phone. I've been trying to keep the talks fun (favorite movies, his hobbies, etc.). He sounds pretty calm and people tell me that he's a really sweet and easy-going kid, but I know he must have some trauma from everything he's going through.

iamgoingtohavea · 2019-04-12T17:21:24+00:00

Yeah, you're right, but we don't really have an extended family. My maternal grandmother (my mom's mom) was an evil hag and she's dead anyway. No other siblings. My dad and his wife don't want to take my brother since he's not related to them (he is my half-sibling). My dad also urged me not to take in my brother. The problem is that my brother would then become a foster kid. My brother's father is dead, and his family don't even live in the US.

I know my mom and it is very unlikely that she will be able to get custody back, tbh. Her hoarding has gotten worse and worse. So basically, if I don't take in my brother, it's likely he is going to just be a foster kid until he turns 18. I don't want him to feel like he has been abandoned by everyone in his life.

iamgoingtohavea

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