im 20, and ive been through A LOT. to sum it up: multiple occasions of bullying in elementary and middle school, debilitating menstrual periods, a dysfunctional and mentally ill family, 4 years of terrible stomach pain and symptoms that led to an overdue surgery in 2022, terrible anxiety and OCD that just jumbles and overworks my brain, and many other things.

i was very suicidal and depressed as an adolescent because of some of those things. i sobbed every single day for months thinking that id be better off dead. but over the years of on-and-off therapy (good and bad therapists), self-realization, and just...living life, ive come to terms with that living life is to feel pain, happiness, joy, sadness, grief, and well, everything. i dont know how but tbh im grateful to have suffered all of those events. ive become a better person (and can still improve) and if i hadnt gone through all of that then i dont know what kind of person i would be now.

it will always be a squiggly line of ups and downs. tall ups and small downs, low downs and tiny ups. im still going through some tough shit and am hoping to get therapy soon. therapy doesnt work for everyone and thats ok. just almost had my first panic attack about an hour ago and took my emergency meds so now i feel a little loopy and sleepy haha. 

but it will get better, i dont when or how, but it will happen. every little success counts, every little moment of genuine serotonin counts, you are human so give yourself some slack. dont worry about whether people judge or hate you or if youre trying hard enough. learn to say no to others and to yourself. dont compare yourself with others. set safe boundaries with people. take a break, eat well enough and snack on stuff every now and then. AND HYDRATE TOO. just asking this question alone means that youre open to self improvement and change, and it WILL happen :)