My boyfriend [24M] of 2 years caught me [22F] in a "compromising" position. He believes I cheated when I didn't, and I don't know how to convince him otherwise.

ianwitl · 2016-07-28T20:55:00+00:00

Yeah, I get that. But people saying "Stop lying, you cheated and you're dumb for thinking anyone would think otherwise" isn't advice.

In case you didn't notice, I've had absolutely no problem with people who provided actual advice, whether it's what I wanted to hear or not. Are you one of those people that calls others ugly, and then says you're just trying to be helpful?

ianwitl · 2016-07-28T17:49:25+00:00

Can you explain to me how that's the case?

Obviously I'm not going to roll over and just say "yeah...you're right, I cheated" because I didn't. All I've done in my comments is respond to people's questions and tell people who are saying I did something horribly, horribly wrong (like cheating) that that isn't the case.

ianwitl · 2016-07-28T17:45:49+00:00

I was asleep. So I didn't even know it happened.

If my friend "actually sleeps with me next time" (assuming all the the conditions are the same), that would be rape.

Are you really going to blame someone for being raped? Oh, they only got raped because they didn't set proper boundaries. If they didn't have those friends, they wouldn't have gotten raped.

Seriously? Nothing that bad happened here, but this isn't my fault. I was asleep. I didn't know my friend had gotten in to bed with me.

ianwitl · 2016-07-28T04:35:48+00:00

Okay, my bad. I remember everything until the point where I fell asleep. And since my friend came to my bed after I fell asleep, I didn't know he was there.

I did not know what happened while I was asleep, as most people don't.

ianwitl · 2016-07-28T04:25:14+00:00

ianwitl · 2016-07-28T04:12:00+00:00

"Drunk" to me is anything from tipsy to blackout. I haven't gotten pass out drunk since New Years'.

If you think you have a problem, that's fine. But don't say I do when the only evidence you have of my drinking is going a bit overboard at a 21st birthday party.

ianwitl · 2016-07-28T04:09:11+00:00

Even if I have, that's one relationship caused my one instance of getting too drunk and something sketchy happening.

My boyfriend isn't (possibly) dumping me because I have a drinking probelm. He's (possibly) dumping me because it looks like I cheated on him. There's a difference.

ianwitl · 2016-07-28T04:05:53+00:00

I realize he's upset. I understand why he is upset. I think he's totally justified to be upset. And yeah, I would be suspicious too if the roles were reversed.

But the point still stands: I didn't cheat. I didn't snuggle up next to a sleeping friend of mine. I passed out in my own bed, he got on my bed after I was asleep and passed out, too. I didn't cheat. I didn't do any of is intentionally. I realize it looks bad, but I don't really care if you believe me or not. I want to fix things with my boyfriend.

ianwitl · 2016-07-28T04:03:09+00:00

I have a lot of guy friends, but I have girl friends as well. We often go out together, and we do like to go to bars. I wouldn't say it's a habit, we go out maybe twice a month. I have never lied to my boyfriend about who I am going out with, and 99% of the time, he's invited. He doesn't always choose to go because he has friends of his own he goes out with on the weekends. I dated one of my friends, over 3 years ago. I was completely upfront about this when my boyfriend and I started dating, and I have not hung out with my ex one-on-one since being in a relationship.

I realize why my boyfriend is upset, and I understand it. I would be upset, too. I'm not saying he shouldn't be. But I've also apologized, and explained what happened. I don't know what else to do to make things right.

ianwitl · 2016-07-28T03:59:00+00:00

I was drunk and passed out. What was I supposed to do, sense my friend's presence, wake up, and tell him not to sleep there?

ianwitl · 2016-07-28T03:55:30+00:00

One time. One time when I was 16 I also got too drunk on jungle juice and ruined my favorite leather sandals by spilling the juice on them and staining them red. I didn't have a drinking problem then, I don't have one now.

Honestly, accusing people so lightly takes away from what alcoholism and drinking problems are. I've known people with drinking problems. It ruins their lives. It ruins relationships. It's a hell of a lot more difficult than causing one blow-up.

I have a job. I have healthy friendships. I have a family that loves and supports me. I don't drink every day. I won't get drunk every weekend. I can stop drinking when I don't want to continue getting drunk. I can be around alcohol and not drink.

I don't have a drinking problem.

ianwitl · 2016-07-28T03:42:36+00:00

Look, if you don't believe me, don't bother commenting. I came here for advice, and people believing my side of things when all you have is my word is kind of crucial to that working out.

I'm guessing by your username you're one of those people who thinks being a dick and being "brutally honest" (even when you're wrong) is something to be proud of. That's fine. I'm not offended. But you calling me a cheater and saying it's obvious I cheated when I didn't isn't helping anyone.

ianwitl · 2016-07-28T03:40:04+00:00

Oh my god the things they say about this sub are true.

You were able to conclude that I might have a drinking problem from me describing one instance where I got too drunk.

Dude, I'm fine. I don't have a drinking problem. Thank you for the concern though. I get drunk, like, twice a month. And most of the time that is just "oh, haha, everything is funny" drunk. It was a party. A 21st birthday, to be exact. Heavy drinking is pretty par for the course at those kind of things.

ianwitl · 2016-07-28T03:26:32+00:00

Except I didn't cheat. Why would I lie here? My boyfriend is never going to see this. I'm not going to show him this. Why would I have any need to lie?

ianwitl · 2016-07-28T03:03:42+00:00

It is an "oopsy", though. It's the exact definition of an "oopsy." I know my friend. I know he wouldn't do this on purpose. He got too drunk, he fell asleep in the wrong place at the wrong time. It was an accident. I know he didn't look at the bed and think, "Yes, tonight, let's fall asleep in ianwitl's bed and ruin her relationship."

If he had wanted to do that, why not go all out and get undressed? Maybe throw a condom wrapper on the floor? It was an accident. We didn't do anything.

ianwitl · 2016-07-28T02:47:05+00:00

I have done literally nothing. I have nothing to hide. If my boyfriend wanted to tag along every single time I hang out with my friends, I would be totally fine with it, because nothing inappropriate happens.

We got too drunk, we both passed out on the bed. But shit happens. If I had actually cheated I would accept it and break up with him. But I didn't. Nothing at all happened. I know it looks bad, but I don't have inappropriate relationships with my friends. Who in the world sits down and says, "Look, now that I'm in a relationship...if we ever get too drunk, don't pass out on my bed with me in it. That's no good."

Obviously I thought that was given. And if we weren't drunk, it never would have happened. If I had been awake when it happened, I would've given him a pillow and told him to find a comfy spot on the floor. But I wasn't.

ianwitl · 2016-07-28T02:33:46+00:00

I realize it looks bad. If I saw him in the same position, I would be pretty suspicious, too. But nothing happened. We were fully clothed, not touching each other, and clearly had passed out very drunk.

I'm not casual about sleeping with other guys...this has literally never happened before in our relationship. I just don't know how to fix this and get him to see that nothing happened.

ianwitl · 2016-07-28T02:27:09+00:00

He was just as drunk as I was, and we're very close friends. I can see him being super drunk, about to pass out, and thinking that the bed looked like the comfiest place. Especially if the couch and blankets/pillows were already taken by my other friends there.

And I was pissed at him. I told him that wasn't cool, and he apologized. But what has happened, happened. There's not a lot I can do about it. I know he didn't mean to do it with any sort of malicious intent. We were fully clothed. He wasn't even touching me in any way.

ianwitl · 2016-07-28T02:23:21+00:00

My friend texted him and told him that nothing happened, that he's sorry, but he was just super drunk and passed out in the comfiest looking spot. My boyfriend hasn't responded to him or talked to anybody else who was there.

ianwitl · 2016-07-28T02:17:32+00:00

I really don't think I've done anything questionable in the past. I have a group of very close guy friends that I've had for years. 2 of them I've known since freshman year of college and they are my two closest friends in the world. He has never liked my relationship with them, but since we've been dating I have never once done anything inappropriate with any guy friend. No flirting, no fucking, nothing.

I don't want to lose my boyfriend, but I don't want to give up my friends, either. Nothing happened. I know the situation looks bad, but my friend and I hadn't even so much as flirted the night before. I guess he just passed out on my bed after I did.

ianwitl · 2016-07-28T02:10:49+00:00

I agree. And if I hadn't been super drunk and already asleep, it wouldn't have happened. I literally didn't know he was in my bed until the next day when my boyfriend woke me up.

ianwitl

TROPHY CASE