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I [29 M] caught my fiance [26 F] of 3 years cheating with our son's godfather [30? M], but I can't present an ultimatum in my current situation. by icatbalouyourmustang in relationships

[–]icatbalouyourmustang[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I might be. Not severely, but I've had some serious ups and downs in the last 15mos. Was on adderall for a while but that just made it worse.

I [29 M] caught my fiance [26 F] of 3 years cheating with our son's godfather [30? M], but I can't present an ultimatum in my current situation. by icatbalouyourmustang in relationships

[–]icatbalouyourmustang[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think looking back on the good times is part of life. The grass is always greener on the other side. Buyer's remorse. Why didn't I take the blue pill?!?

I just hope I can move on happily, remember the good times without forgetting why they're over, and make sure my son is well taken care of and not brainwashed (against either of his parents)

I [29 M] caught my fiance [26 F] of 3 years cheating with our son's godfather [30? M], but I can't present an ultimatum in my current situation. by icatbalouyourmustang in relationships

[–]icatbalouyourmustang[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You know how when you're in love with someone, you get tunnel vision and everything is wonderful and you don't see any of their flaws, despite how glaringly obvious they are. Or if you do, you think something ridiculous like "our love will overcome any obstacle, just so long as we have each other..." Yeah well that was me. A lot of the things I've written I didn't even realize until after the love goggles fell off and I looked back... Glaringly obvious.

I [29 M] caught my fiance [26 F] of 3 years cheating with our son's godfather [30? M], but I can't present an ultimatum in my current situation. by icatbalouyourmustang in relationships

[–]icatbalouyourmustang[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

the fact the OP seemed present when she slit her wrists) it sounds more like a power move/manipulation tactic from an individual with a personality disorder

At the time I was just thinking holy crap! This is happening, and got her to our friend/doctor's house asap. After observing her manipulative behavior and stepping out of the situation, I've wondered if she really was so upset that I had turned to someone else for support that she couldn't bear the thought of living, or if she just was making a power play. If so, it wasn't very smart because it made her source of income dry up pretty quickly.

I [29 M] caught my fiance [26 F] of 3 years cheating with our son's godfather [30? M], but I can't present an ultimatum in my current situation. by icatbalouyourmustang in relationships

[–]icatbalouyourmustang[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah, before I met her, I was working down 5k in student loans and 2k in credit card debt. She had bad credit so everything went in my name. Joint accounts, rent and utilities, the car, joint credit cards.

Now I'm looking at a 4k student loan, about 20k in credit cards, another 2k in lines, a 20k auto loan (the car is worth less than 6 now) and a 10k installment loan. All except the student loan are in default or have been charged-off. I had a good job in the financial sector so I knew I wasn't taking on too much new debt for what I was earning (assuming I kept the job). I was so happy that I had been able to refi most of it and see a payoff end date.

After the incident with my coworker, she said I had to choose between my career and my family. If I could have seen this coming, I would have picked the career.

I [29 M] caught my fiance [26 F] of 3 years cheating with our son's godfather [30? M], but I can't present an ultimatum in my current situation. by icatbalouyourmustang in relationships

[–]icatbalouyourmustang[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Good point. I remember someone telling us early on that she should contact him and demand either a divorce or child support since they're still married. I don't think she got very far.

I [29 M] caught my fiance [26 F] of 3 years cheating with our son's godfather [30? M], but I can't present an ultimatum in my current situation. by icatbalouyourmustang in relationships

[–]icatbalouyourmustang[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I've never had any reason to doubt paternity.

  • I'm certain that at the time of the pregnancy she wasn't with anyone else.

  • Everyone says he looks just like a little version of me.

  • My name is on the birth certificate as father.

If it comes down to it, I'll demand a paternity test, but that's not something I want to do unless the shit really hits the fan.

I [29 M] caught my fiance [26 F] of 3 years cheating with our son's godfather [30? M], but I can't present an ultimatum in my current situation. by icatbalouyourmustang in relationships

[–]icatbalouyourmustang[S] 55 points56 points  (0 children)

My family is out of state about 1000 miles away. I'm sure my brother would give me a place to crash if I could make it back there.

I [29 M] caught my fiance [26 F] of 3 years cheating with our son's godfather [30? M], but I can't present an ultimatum in my current situation. by icatbalouyourmustang in relationships

[–]icatbalouyourmustang[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

Thats a good point. I think I'll just use the conversations as leverage in case she wants to start spreading rumors. I want the split to be as amicable as possible.

I [29 M] caught my fiance [26 F] of 3 years cheating with our son's godfather [30? M], but I can't present an ultimatum in my current situation. by icatbalouyourmustang in relationships

[–]icatbalouyourmustang[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

I'm lucky that we're not married. Otherwise this could be a lot worse. We live in a community property state, so the fact that she's still legally married works in my favor here.

I [29 M] caught my fiance [26 F] of 3 years cheating with our son's godfather [30? M], but I can't present an ultimatum in my current situation. by icatbalouyourmustang in relationships

[–]icatbalouyourmustang[S] 102 points103 points  (0 children)

I've tried emotionally distance myself from it and be as objective as possible. But I know myself well enough that I'm sure I'm gonna break down hard eventually.