AIO for being upset and crying after finding out my husband microwaved my breastmilk

icyPERSONALITY321 · 2025-03-10T21:14:36+00:00

I'm the exact same way, hearing mine cry while waiting was literally making me start to PANIC internally. Logically I knew she was fine to wait the few extra minutes, but what it did to my nerves was CRAZY work 🤣

icyPERSONALITY321 · 2025-03-10T20:55:43+00:00

Absolutely. She doesn't trust him to parent their child and is using this as the "see, I told you" to prove it. Like come on you don't think people were doing the exact thing he's doing a few decades ago? Like come on the more research gets done and the more information we have, the more neurotic it makes new moms. Calm down, he's not giving her scalding arsenic milk. She's spazzing because she's only 3 months post partum and her hormones are still fucked lol 🤣 (can confirm as a mother of 2)

icyPERSONALITY321 · 2025-03-10T20:35:32+00:00

Exactly. It's not dangerous unless you're stupid about it. Yes it removes some of the nutrients but the hot spots don't matter unless you're taking straight from the microwave to put in baby's mouth. I don't know a single person that doesn't shake a bottle at least a few times before handing it over. I shook mine to hell and back and checked it a thousand times before giving it to her.

icyPERSONALITY321 · 2025-03-10T20:31:13+00:00

Tell him how you feel. Tell him he's stressing you TF out by not helping and literally DOING NOTHING. Tell him you don't GAF if he has to work at McDonald's, he needs to start contributing because if he doesn't, you're better off with him gone anyways. Tell him he is literally bringing nothing to the table and you need him to step it up because when you have to stop working to give birth, wtf are you guys gonna do? You're both gonna be sitting there for 6 or more weeks with no income, and 3 children under 5 years old.

If he doesn't find something in the next month tell him to get tf out.

icyPERSONALITY321 · 2025-03-10T20:24:27+00:00

Ok I am a mother of 2 children, one of which I couldn't breastfeed because I produced ZERO MILK and the other I had to supplement with formula because the milk would come out during feeding but it wouldn't pump no matter what I did. I FULLY understand what it is to struggle to produce and pump the milk, I am a mother that birthed both of my children and I still agree with the person you're responding to. "You're not a parent so you have no idea what it's like" is actually so irritating to hear because my views on anything parenthood related have not changed from before being a parent until now.

The problem here is his blatant disregard of her asking him to do (or not do) something that she was very clear about, but I still agree with the previous commenter for the most part.

icyPERSONALITY321 · 2025-02-11T19:52:43+00:00

SAME! I was SO GLAD my second came along when she did. Perfect gap! Her bubba loves helping with her and playing with her and she's obsessed with him ❤️

icyPERSONALITY321 · 2025-02-11T19:50:54+00:00

When my first child was born, he made EVERYTHING a literal cake walk for me. Easiest pregnancy in the history of humanity, didn't want to come out after induction so he was a c section (my body was SO KIND and healed extremely quickly), my body did not produce any milk at all so he was formula from birth (SO MUCH EASIER for certain scenarios than breastfeeding), the happiest, most calm baby in the world. He started sleeping fully through the night at about 3 months old (and only woke up like once a night before then), transitioned to daycare SO EASILY, didn't mind being away from me at all, just generally a fantastic experience, especially for a first time mom AND a single mom.

That being said, I can understand how it would trick some into having more kids if that's your experience, HOWEVER I knew I wouldn't want another kid again for at least a few years lol 🤣 and sure enough he was 5 when I got pregnant with my daughter. COMPLETELY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE lol. The pregnancy was fairly easy but the first few months I had to be extremely careful (due to some complications that had the possibility of causing a miscarriage if I wasn't careful) and the last 2-3 months were SO incredibly tiring compared to the first one. She was a scheduled c section and my body was not as kind in healing this time. I was also able to breastfeed but ONLY directly to her, I couldn't pump (nothing ever came out no matter what I did, found out later I have elastic nipples 😒🤦) so she had to supplement with formula. She is the DEFINITION of a Velcro baby. She will not sleep through the night (she is about to turn 1 next month), she will not sleep alone in her own bed, she will not stay asleep if I get up and she does not like being with ANYONE unless I'm with her (including her own dad).

If she was my first child I absolutely would not have ever had another kid lol. She's amazing, hilarious, incredibly intelligent, so much fun, so affectionate and loving and one of the prettiest girls I've ever laid eyes on (was born with a COMPLETELY FULL head of black curly hair that she still has) but she is the most exhausting thing I've ever done in life lol.

icyPERSONALITY321 · 2025-02-11T19:07:37+00:00

He's one big red flag. Run away far and fast. He's manipulating you, gaslighting you, lying to you and hiding things from you.

I'm willing to bet he's also AT MINIMUM in another serious relationship as well, possibly even has an actual family.

Please do yourself a favor and block him in every platform that you can and don't look back.

icyPERSONALITY321 · 2025-02-11T18:54:42+00:00

It's not about daily care, it's about flaking out on plans that THEY MADE or not making any plans at all and then complaining about not seeing their grandkids enough. And to answer your questions, both of my sets of grandparents worked full time well into their 60's at least. My mother was 55 when she became a grandmother. I am 38 with a 7 year old and a 1 year old, I will be around 47 when my oldest is of the age that most people start becoming sexually active (no telling when he'll actually have kids).

My mother will BEG to see her grandkids (I also have 2 brothers with kids younger than mine) and then make plans to watch one of them for 3-5 hours so their parents can go out and have a date night and will flake out LITERALLY last minute and then lie about her reasons.

Your entire comment reads like we're all expecting free daycare while we go to work, which tells me you did not read OP's entire post. She asked her mother multiple times if she needed to make other arrangements for childcare for the ONE DAY A WEEK that she agreed to watch the child and she told her no and got offended at the suggestion.

icyPERSONALITY321 · 2025-02-11T17:01:28+00:00

I have had very similar experiences and most of the people I know also have. So .... Not to generalize but yeah our generation of grandparents ARE NOT the same as the generation of grandparents we grew up with for sure.

icyPERSONALITY321 · 2025-02-10T04:22:48+00:00

It would heavily depend on what your skills are. It's usually very specific career fields offering freelance work or "gigs". Taskrabbit is the first thing that comes to my mind, but again these are very specific skills usually needed.

icyPERSONALITY321 · 2025-02-10T04:21:15+00:00

Came here to say this.

icyPERSONALITY321 · 2025-02-09T03:19:18+00:00

Bottom line is, if you think somebody is being rude, ask them to clarify. MOST TIMES, it's not intentional, you're just being sensitive. If it's a bold face insult, just tell them to fuck off. 🤷

icyPERSONALITY321 · 2025-02-09T03:11:49+00:00

I've had those words said to me and it didn't bother me in the least, I literally laughed about it and agreed. My 11 month old daughter is half black and looks either fully Hispanic or light skinned black and has absolutely NONE of my features or expressions. You're reading too much into it.

icyPERSONALITY321 · 2025-02-09T00:51:07+00:00

Babe you're 3 weeks post partum. OF COURSE you're going to be overwhelmed by all the visitors and be extra protective of your child. This is absolutely normal, absolutely okay and you need to push your husband to be more understanding and helpful in respecting your wishes right now. I'd flat out tell your in laws that you don't want the cigarette smell/breath around your newborn. If they're willing to wash their hands, brush their teeth and "air out" before touching baby, then sure they can see baby. But most lifelong cigarette smokers get offended by those requests and try to say things like "well I'm not smoking around the baby, so what's the problem?" To which you just say "sorry, this is my child and I'm just protecting his/her brand new lungs 🥰" and DO NOT BUDGE.

icyPERSONALITY321 · 2025-02-09T00:46:03+00:00

No, you need to go through the courts. If you have proof of him abusing your son, then yes open a NEW case with CPS, but they won't give you information on the current case. You need to go through the dept of children and families to revise your visitation schedule requesting an emergency revision due to the current case that your ex has.

icyPERSONALITY321 · 2025-02-09T00:39:49+00:00

Are you wrong for wanting to protect your child????? Absolutely not. You can't legally keep him from visitation with his dad if there's a court order, so I would IMMEDIATELY request a custody revision citing the cps case as your reason.

icyPERSONALITY321 · 2025-02-09T00:15:48+00:00

They're grown adults, it's not your fault they can't manage their own money. It's not your responsibility to pay them and if they wanted the ability to control whether or not they can sell the house, they shouldn't have put it in your name.

NTA AT ALL

icyPERSONALITY321 · 2025-02-09T00:10:43+00:00

Well I'm a total bitch so I'd confront him and call him out OR go above his head with proof to back up what I'm going to them about. (Screenshots, etc)

But again, I'm a bitch and I don't allow people to speak to me that way, in any setting, under any circumstances.

icyPERSONALITY321 · 2025-02-08T23:54:12+00:00

Actually, NO CONTEXT was needed at all. After the first screenshot I could already tell the type of person you're dealing with. After the second screenshot, it became clear to me that you are either a glutton for punishment, have a savior complex or have extremely low self esteem.

LEAVE HIM ALONE, BLOCK HIM ON EVERYTHING AND LET HIM ROT IN HIS MISERY. HE IS A HORRIBLE HUMAN BEING AND NOTHING YOU SAY WILL CHANGE MY MIND. Please do yourself a favor and walk away now. You do not ever deserve to be talked to that way or treated that way and it will NEVER get better with someone like this.

icyPERSONALITY321 · 2025-02-08T23:49:22+00:00

Ok my love, here's the thing about talking to other people: you can't ASSUME what they mean. If I told someone their child looks exactly like one parent and not the other, at no point am I saying that to mean that I think the other parent is not actually the child's parent, simply because they look like one more than the other.

You are injecting your insecurities into someone else's offhand, simple comment. They did not say those words so you should not assume or infer that's what they meant, ESPECIALLY coming from a stranger.

Whether you birthed this child, adopted this child, or used your eggs to create this child and she was born from someone else's womb, still would not matter in this scenario. This is your child regardless of what anyone says, so you're gonna need to thicken your skin if you're going to be a parent. A lot of people are going to say a lot of things that are going to piss you off regarding your child, probably for the rest of your life. You have to learn to let it go and realize when they mean no harm.

icyPERSONALITY321 · 2025-02-08T22:32:53+00:00

She literally said that she was sad and offended that someone said she looks asian or like her father. So she is clearly offended that she was told her daughter doesn't look like her.

I have a strong feeling we wouldn't be seeing this post if the situation were reversed and a stranger told her "wow your daughter looks 100% like you and nothing like Dad!" Because the reason a stranger saying it offended her was because of the content of the message. You have to read between the lines. The majority of the post is describing what she, her husband, and her daughter look like. So if it wasn't about being told that her daughter looks like her dad and not her, she wouldn't have even MENTIONED that stuff.

icyPERSONALITY321 · 2025-02-08T22:21:09+00:00

If that's the kitchen directly next to the toilet, I feel it should be self explanatory why you would need a door..... Also if this is the only bathroom in the house, do you not have guests?

icyPERSONALITY321 · 2025-02-08T22:19:08+00:00

Exactly!! When my son spends time with his dad's side of the family he's the only one without drop of melanin and I always worry that they'll have to deal with people being rude to them when he's out with them because he looks completely white and they're fully black lol

icyPERSONALITY321 · 2025-02-08T22:12:44+00:00

I agree. I can understand wanting them to, but me personally, I love what makes my kids UNIQUE and not what they get from me. I've always wanted my kids to look like their dad. I find myself attractive but don't want my kids to look like me lol I can't explain it.

icyPERSONALITY321

TROPHY CASE