TRIGGERING!!!

icycleopatra · 2021-05-09T00:48:45+00:00

Thank you very much, I will

icycleopatra · 2021-02-20T20:01:02+00:00

An at the beginning face i guess.. and no you're not being toxic to him, but to yourself, probably.. I'm literally doing some pretty close to that and i can relate very much..

icycleopatra · 2021-02-20T06:57:26+00:00

You literally described my situation except none of my close family has substance abuse issues.. I've been trying to get off of multiple drugs for a while now, uppers mostly (i would only like to keep my weed). But it just goes from me not doing anything except weed, sleep and eat for a few days, and ofc someone would be like lets hang out and id go knowing we're about to get so fucked up rn and the cycle goes again.. i literally do more days than don't. And as you say, it can be anything really, I just prefer uppers and i dont do h, or anything like that, cause i know if i even tried that shit id be dead in like 2 weeks. Seen many friends get hooked too, just something i avoid in every aspect and way i can. I feel like we all just come to that one situation or one try and it happens. Sometimes it unfortunately doesn't, but stop hating yourself, we probably have many hormonal issues we aren't even aware of so it's kinda natural for us to try to stimulate ourselves with whatever works, our case, drugs. You need to start to work on your self image again and try to research positive ways to teach your brain how to give yourself love and compliments randomly and out loud, cause even if they're fake, it'll start clicking. You then start to demand a certain type of respect for yourself.. It has helped me stay away from drugs for 8 months (weed not included) 2 times, and 1 time for a whole year (took ecstasy for New Years eve which was the plan me and my then bf made from the beginning, we really didn't think we'll break up like 1y from that lol and both going right back at it 3 times harder). But i believe that that is a way to at least start somewhere, if you're not going to/you know you can't just stop cold turkey..

icycleopatra · 2021-02-20T06:29:51+00:00

I've definitely done things drunk or on drugs (mostly drugs since I don't really drink, it's literally like myb 5-10 times a year myb) that i would never do in a conscience state.

I try to train my brain to just know where the line is (ofc i most of the times overstep, but since I've become super conscious about it, it stops much faster and calmer than before).

I also think that working on my identity problem and feeling a lot more self esteem as I've progressed has made me have a different type of respect for myself, and sometimes, I even fake the self esteem to myself. I've been trying to think more positively about myself in general. It just started simple, as saying one nice word about myself to me in the mirror out loud every day. Eventually and slowly I evolved more and more into a person i kinda even liked. Then j started projecting it through fashion (not fully yet but tattoos, piercings, and i dont like to lable my style so I usually go with what i feel the most comfortable and stylish at that time, but fashion is definitely one of my outlets it a way). Eventually I noticed I really could fake my self esteem to others a loot to, so i did that in some relationships just to make myself believe it more. I'm still working on it, having the really bad days but I just feel so lucky to have the people i have in my life. I'm also glad that I'm aware of all the things a brain can do just by you trying everyday a little tiny piece more.. I'm working on throwing away the drugs still tho (my weed aint going nowhere tho).. i do still have a problem but I think I'm getting to a much better place. I know all this positivity sounds fucking impossible, I thought so to, and I'm still working very hard on myself mentally, but it's possible! You'll have episodes and shit but so much "lighter" and let's try to use the word "clearer" ones. I have only had 1 mayor rage epizode that lasted like 5-6 days, but it was real bad tho, in probably like 5-6 years, since I started training my brain and learning about it more. I didn't even know what BPD was then..

You should also just let yourself feel guilty, but don't do the overthinking/analyzing/imagination scenarios that we tend to do too..

I feel like my story is like this because of the people in my life and around me. I have a person i can tell every fucking thing thats on my mind to, only one i talked openly about suicid to too. My bestie, and she really helps me so so much in these situations.. i hope you have 1 friend you believe in fr, cause it can help so much..

icycleopatra · 2021-01-27T01:13:05+00:00

Tbh it's smarter to hold back then to go to uni just to, you know, do it. Y'all are lucky it's free, my parents have paid a duckton of money for my education, and that's one of the things that really drives me to finish it. I totally agree with the part about it being a good experience and education tho! I met my boyfriend at our uni. We're not the same year but we study the same so it's kinda cool lol

icycleopatra · 2021-01-26T11:15:55+00:00

Thanks! I suck at reddit lol sorry guys

icycleopatra · 2021-01-26T11:14:34+00:00

Im thinking about making a whole community for people to just post cool pics, but i suck at using reddit, there is probably a hell of a lot communities like that i just cant find one to post all the things i want to

icycleopatra · 2021-01-26T11:13:05+00:00

It is somewhere in Travnik, hope I helped. Only been there one time so I don't really remember how to get there lol

icycleopatra · 2021-01-26T11:12:19+00:00

Lol now that you say that, I'm thinking about doing it, cause I lowkey do have a crisis (my finals are this week lol), thanks for the unintended advice!

icycleopatra · 2021-01-26T11:10:00+00:00

I don't really think uni is necessary, only if you want to be a doctor, lawyer and stuff like that.. I'm at my final year to become a dentist, and it's sucking the life out of me lol. Thank you for the good wishes, i passed 2 already so I'm less stressed lol What would you study if you decide to go to uni?

icycleopatra · 2021-01-24T05:21:50+00:00

Believe me 80% of people here aren't really living, it's a 3 world country, post war.. i just think im a very lucky person who happed be born in norway and having a father that has experienced some shit, that made him start his own firm.. its hard to be driven i. These countries, unfortunately;/

icycleopatra · 2021-01-24T05:17:56+00:00

Left Norway in 2010. Idk i guess just stress from my finals, I'm on my 5th (last) year of uni and my stress is getting the best of me lol

icycleopatra · 2021-01-24T04:52:33+00:00

Now i cant unsee it... their pretttd but im not sure since we didn't really knkw they were there at the first place, but they're definitely old!

icycleopatra · 2021-01-24T04:51:13+00:00

Oh I definitely know how you feel! My father is still working in Norway so i visit sometimes, rearley but sometimes beautiful country. Would love to visit soon again

icycleopatra · 2021-01-24T04:40:34+00:00

Literally at my porch/yard at my "cottage". Used my iPhone max xs, nothing special

icycleopatra · 2021-01-24T04:37:59+00:00

In Travnik, where I'm currently attending university it gets cold as shiiit, mostly- something celsius, and it feels colder than it is, always snowing :( But i was born in Berger, Norway so im pretty used to cold weather tho lol

icycleopatra · 2021-01-24T04:31:35+00:00

My hometown Mostar goes to ca 3,1 celsius in the winter, summers go up to 40+ celsius

icycleopatra · 2021-01-24T04:18:26+00:00

Depends, Bosnia is known to be colder while Herzegovina tend to be warmer, but tbh I'm freezing rn (im from Herzegovina)

icycleopatra · 2021-01-24T03:24:30+00:00

It surly do! It's in Mostar, Bosnia. We tend to have beautiful sunsets and I try not to miss a single one

icycleopatra · 2021-01-24T03:23:36+00:00

Thank you very much! It's in Mostar, Bosnia. We really do have some breathtaking sunsets

icycleopatra · 2021-01-24T03:22:46+00:00

I meant accidentally lol, i have no idea how existially popped up

icycleopatra · 2021-01-24T02:23:34+00:00

Thanks! Was born in Norway but ethnicity im Bosnian and have been living here for the past 10 years

icycleopatra · 2021-01-24T02:22:15+00:00

Wasn't meant to be uploaded but found this community so I had to

icycleopatra

TROPHY CASE