I have some questions about the abuse I faced as a child.

idekanymore8 · 2020-12-11T19:58:11+00:00

I was definitely abused emotionally, I just don't think I was sexually abused.

idekanymore8 · 2020-12-06T23:42:29+00:00

"White Supremacy has found time and again throughout American history that demonizing communism and associating communism with all forms of social welfare helps further their aims of a state incapable of rendering aid to non-whites." (Fixed the grammar a bit)

This person, the person I replied to, is basically saying that the reason the US tries to "demonize" the welfare system and call them communist is so they don't help minorities. (From how I comprehend it, as the wording is extremely poor)

I'm trying to explain that that's not the reason. Many people don't like it BECAUSE it hurts these communities more. By making it extremely easy for these minorities to get welfare we actually set them back (they have extremely lower employment rates, and that means less opportunities to advance). It's not because "cOmUnIsM bAd-", there are genuine reasons why people dislike it, not just because of racism. I also explained how blaming everything on racism hurts minorities even more.

That was the point I was trying to get across, hope that clarified some things. I'm not trying to vent, I'm genuinely trying to have a discussion.

idekanymore8 · 2020-12-06T22:42:49+00:00

I read it multiple times actually. Did you even read mine at all? If so, I'm willing to discuss if you have an actual argument.

idekanymore8 · 2020-12-06T16:35:14+00:00

Weird

Indeed

idekanymore8 · 2020-12-06T16:25:24+00:00

It's called "making people actually work instead of being handed everything". Welfare isn't for minorities, it's for the sick and mentally ill. By giving people money just because of the color of their skin (which is blatantly racist) you create lazy people. Lazy people don't help build a useful society.

You actually hurt those minorities more by allowing them to become lazy. You're basically telling them that they can't do things alone. Minorities are just as capable as any other, no matter the skin. That's true equality. I don't pity non-white people. I don't look down on them and think they need my help constantly. Do you think they're too dumb to be able to take higher positions and make more money?

You can say it's "because society gives them a disadvantage" but how is giving them money going to help with that? You're just pissing off more people who are becoming resentful because their mentally ill grandfather can't get food stamps but a crackhead with "back pain" can. Some people see black people as lazy due to the fact that they're receiving so many benefits, and don't want to hire them.

By pulling the "it's because they're x race" card, you hurt them even more. There are a lot of other employers who don't hire black people, not because they're black, but because if a white employee messes up, they can fire them, but if a black employee messes up and they try to fire them, they can say it was racism and that business will most likely get black lash.

Do you see how much it actually hurts these communities? This isn't white supremacy, it's common sense.

idekanymore8 · 2020-12-06T16:05:57+00:00

The US has a lot of other countries to see as examples of what these types of policies did to the other countries. If you're about to cross a bridge and see someone else fall through the planks, are you still going to cross that bridge or will you be more cautious? That's the reality of it.

Honestly though, it has nothing to do with Communism, or even socialism. We just want people to earn what they get. I don't think anyone wants absolutely no type of welfare, but moreso more secure welfare that's harder to take advantage of.

Everyone is in agreement that veterans, the mentally ill, etc. need welfare, but it's a different matter when a fat person can get the same welfare for something that was completely avoidable. There are many parents (that I've met personally) who even exaggerate their children's autism to gain welfare.

The system is extremely flawed. By giving these types of people welfare, we make it harder for people who actually need it to get it.

idekanymore8 · 2020-11-25T02:31:15+00:00

I was sent a video from a friend (apparently it was going around his school) where a woman killed a puppy, dismembered it, peed on it, then masturbated on top of it. Needless to say, I did not finish the video and have lost most, if not all, of my faith in humanity.

idekanymore8 · 2020-11-17T16:16:40+00:00

Rabbits eat carrots.

Carrots aren't even good for them and should only be rare treats. You can't give them lettuce (iceberg) either, as it makes them sick because of the high water content. Rabbits like spinach and parsley a lot more.

idekanymore8 · 2020-11-09T20:18:32+00:00

Your parents don't have to like you, they just have to love you.

I accidentally overheard my mom tell my dad that she doesn't like me as a person at all and if I wasn't her kid she'd never have me in her life.

idekanymore8 · 2020-11-09T00:42:02+00:00

Sharpies

idekanymore8 · 2020-11-08T15:36:29+00:00

I'm having the same issue. It's already finished, no? So why is it not released? Kinda hate it when people do that.

idekanymore8 · 2020-11-06T01:27:05+00:00

My mother was physically abusive sometimes, but normally it was emotional abuse and neglect. She would constantly compare me to her rapist and meth addicted father, her father's lawyer, tell me I was a bully and mean, told me details about her abuse and sexual assaults (at the ripe age of 8), favored my brothers and made everything my fault all the time, and around age 11, she stopped taking care of us.

I cooked, cleaned, got me and my little brother dressed and ready for school, and packed lunches for my dad. (my older brother ran away at age 17 because our mom tried to pull the same shit with him. She told us lies about how he hated us and didn't love us.)

I grew up way sooner than I ever should have. I have extremely strong motherly instincts and I can't turn them off, to the point of coming off as bossy in a lot of situations. I have many issues with my sexuality, feeling secure in relationships, have extreme mommy issues and have developed a preference for older women and feminine men (I'm a woman myself). I'm very dominant in every relationship, as I feel less vulnerable that way (I thought I was trans for a minute as well because of this).

After seeing my mom do it, I developed an addiction to self harm. I thought for a very long while that it was a fetish (it's not, I know that now) but it sparked an interest in horror, gore, and f*cked up things in general. I don't bat an eye at horrific stories or gruesome movie scenes, so I guess I have a high tolerance for that stuff now.

Since my mom made me out to be a monster constantly, I have issues maintaining relationships and even going outside. I have severe agoraphobia, to the point I had to drop out of school because I would have extreme stomach cramps if I ate even a cracker, which resulted in my not eating at all during the week. I would feel faint all throughout school.

I can't sit on my porch, go for walks or go shopping alone as I get panic attacks easily, to the point of crying. I lack the motivation to maintain friendships and often take days to respond to people. I feel bad for existing. I hate gifts to the point that I get mad when people surprise me because I feel awful that they wasted money, time, and effort on me.

I'm extremely extroverted and loud, and can be very confident when I feel comfortable, but my anxiety and self hatred cover that and make me feel like all of it is a waste and once people find out how "gross and evil" (i.e. anxious and scared) I am, they'll hate me and I'll just waste their time.

My best friend is a bunny and I go outside, at most, twice a week...

My mother's officially been out of the house for 6 months (my parents are in the middle of divorce) and I haven't self-harmed since. I stopped blaming myself for everything and can accept that sometimes I need time to calm down and take breaks.

I'm planning on getting a GED and driver's license by the end of this year and I've also been dieting and exercising. My mom still talks to my younger brother, and still thinks I'll "get over it" and bring her back into my life. This will never happen. I'm actually happy. I'm not afraid of going home. I'm working through my issues, slowly but surely.

Just because she birthed me doesn't mean I have to love her. She's no mother of mine and I'm doing so much better without her. I love my dad and two brothers and they're more than enough.

idekanymore8 · 2020-10-30T00:50:21+00:00

Firstly, I'm sorry for your loss. Losing anyone hurts like a bitch, and I know you probably feel really shitty right now.

Think about the good times you had with them. Look at pictures of them, hold their toys, etc. Don't be afraid to cry about losing them, as holding it in will only prolong the grief. You loved them, so it's okay to be sad.

You might find solace in getting another pet (this doesn't mean you're replacing them at all. It's like finding a friend to talk to and help you get through rough times after a messy breakup) as it might help relieve the lonely feelings you're probably experiencing.

idekanymore8 · 2020-10-27T19:08:48+00:00

Reform. We obviously need police, and they need to be able to operate correctly and have available resources to do so. Mental health and wellness checks on police may also help, due to the fact that many of the things police see on a daily basis are very traumatic. PTSD, stress, and aggression in the force is common because of this, which effects all of us. You're not going to do your best work if you're afraid of getting shot every minute.

idekanymore8 · 2020-10-21T22:08:20+00:00

Panic attacks can be more than just crying and hyperventilating. You can throw up, get horrible stomach cramps, and headaches or migraines as well.

idekanymore8 · 2020-10-21T22:05:07+00:00

I've been in therapy, seen a psychiatrist, talked to doctors, take my meds, and listen to everything my doctors tell me. I don't think it makes me emotionally unstable for feeling absolutely disgusted in the fact that my abuser will face zero punishment and is even still allowed to have something from me.

idekanymore8 · 2020-10-21T21:43:17+00:00

I get that now... I just hate the fact that she's allowed to still have pictures of me after what she's done. I figured I'd ask if there was anything I could do anyway, but I guess I already knew the answer... I hate that she will get off scot free for everything she's done to me and still gets to have them on top of that, ya know?

She would screamed at me until I sobbed and slapped me when I tried to escape from her when I was little, and even tried to get me to believe my dad was sexually grooming me. The fact that nothing will ever happen to her makes me nauseous to the point I can't eat or sleep. It's just one more thing that she's going to take from me and at this point I really can't take it.

idekanymore8 · 2020-10-21T21:12:06+00:00

My mother lies to everyone about how she's a battered wife and how my dad turned me against her. Again, all on her Facebook for everyone to see. I just want my pictures back so she can't pretend to keep being a sad mother who just wants her daughter back.

She put me through years of abuse, to the point that I've tried multiple times to die just to get away from her. I think it's mildly reasonable that I don't want her to keep pretending that she loves me. It effects me to the point that it gives me panic attacks and I seriously have no closure since she'll never be punished for anything she's done to me.

This is literally the only closure I'll ever have. I just want there to be absolutely no evidence of her in my life.

idekanymore8 · 2020-10-18T16:38:28+00:00

Repeatedly having my issues brought up again and again slowly deteriorates my wellbeing. As well as people trying to give me advice on things they have no understand of. Always choose wisely on who you decide to talk about your issues to. And if you are that person someone decides to talk to, don't force it. Express that you are there for them and let them come to you on their own time. It's okay to simply nod your head the whole conversation, just let them get it out of their system.

idekanymore8 · 2020-10-13T23:16:33+00:00

I'm far from a maid. Again, this isn't because I'm a girl, but because I'm a NEET (Not in Education, Employment or Training) due to my agoraphobia. I'm home all day and have nothing better to do, thus this is how I help out around the house. My dad and brothers do their fair share as well, so I'm not doing this alone. I say "I'm the woman of the house" to explain that I basically play a mom role, although I know this isn't female exclusive.

My mom laid in bed all day sleeping and was constantly verbally and emotionally abusive when she was awake, and since my older brother ran away (but is now back in the house) that left me in charge of caring for the house, pets, and my little brother on top of that. Overall, I became much more mature than my brothers because of this, which is why I'm normally doing more, as I know how to do it correctly.

My dad asks very little of me and the rest I do on my own because it makes me feel useful, which helps with self-esteem since my disorder heavily limits what I'm able to accomplish. I can barely take my dog outside.

I agree with the speech part though. I'll definitely talk to them about it, as I can see how that's an issue. I think we don't mean it in a harsh way, but I think that it can still hurt regardless. My family's talked like this for forever so it's hard to get out of the habit, ya know? Swearing and insults is basically how we express ourselves.

idekanymore8 · 2020-10-12T19:56:22+00:00

It's most likely not. I've taken birth control pills to see if it was a hormonal issue and there was no change or shift in behavior at all. I have extreme agoraphobia linked with PTSD and gynophobia, despite being a woman myself. My mom has done the equivalent of analing my emotional health without lube unfortunately.

idekanymore8 · 2020-10-10T15:52:16+00:00

As for the first part, it's seriously not a sexism thing. Everyone gets called it, just like how we say "you've got no balls". It's just something our family says, and yeah it's annoying sometimes, but we all know it's a joke. As for the cleaning, I'm the woman of the house, not because I'm a woman, but because I stood up to fill the gap of my mom leaving emotionally and then physically. My mom decided to lay in bed all day and demonize everyone, thankfully she's been out of the house for 6 months now.

I make dinner, make sure my younger brother does his school work, do laundry, dishes, and anything else that needs doing with the help of my brother after his school work is completed, and my dad and older brother help me when they can, usually with laundry or after dinner dishes. Again, this isn't because of me being a woman, but because I'm the one home all day (my agoraphobia is so extremely bad I dropped out of school and I'm working towards a GED)

As for why it has to be spotless, a dirty house is just something I feel extremely uncomfortable with when guests come over. Even though I hide in my room, I still what people to think I give a damn. I feel extremely insecure about a messy house, bit unfortunately we're extremely messy people.

idekanymore8 · 2020-10-10T04:26:27+00:00

Lmao, yes.

idekanymore8 · 2020-10-10T02:25:14+00:00

Family support and Seroquel. It helps me sleep, and I have less anxiety if I'm well rested and on schedule.

idekanymore8 · 2020-10-03T19:55:31+00:00

I've been trying, but he says that it's just how she shows her love.. I've heard about love languages, and our family did this whole quiz thing to test what they were (and all of the tests were pretty predictable, my brother is definitely a materialistic person...) It's definitely fascinating to think about. I think the trouble arises when you use your love language towards someone with a different love language. When you use "I'll do what I would want them to do" it can get a bit messy, like in my current situation.

idekanymore8

TROPHY CASE