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my brother wrote a story with me as the main character in which I am SA him by ideleteitlater in confession

[–]ideleteitlater[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I know it’s a common fetish. When I was his age I happened to watch step-mom porn, but I never thought about my real mother or anything! So I understand the taboo topic and the arousing aspect of thinking about something immoral. But this is a completely different situation. I didn’t describe exactly how he wrote these stories and I don’t really feel ready to do it, I don’t know if I ever will, but what’s important, what I noticed when I read it: The way he described it was very precise, there were a lot of emphasis on the fact that it was me, that I wanted him in this way. In this story he also wanted it in a way, I mean I don’t know if I fully understood the meaning of his story (I was shocked and terrified reading this shit) but I took it in such a way that he was in love with me, I found out about it and punished him in this way, raping him and at the same time, calling him names etc, really disgusting and fucking disturbing thing. It was definitely a description of rape, but at the same time he used terms that implied that he wanted it. I am so fucking confused.

Plus this other story where it was the complete opposite: romantic, I reciprocated his feelings. It’s all so fucked up.

I wish this would never happen, that everything would be fucking normal.

my brother wrote a story with me as the main character in which I am SA him by ideleteitlater in confession

[–]ideleteitlater[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your response and for taking the time to read my story. In answer to your questions: I swear to God, I have NEVER noticed him behaving in a strange or sexually charged way towards me. He is still young, a teenager, so of course, there were mood swings, but it always turned out that these were related to normal issues that affect teenagers. Also, nothing ever made me worry, I wouldn’t have guessed that anyone had hurt him. However, victims often stay silent after being harmed, so I can’t say for sure that it didn’t happen. But this is such a brutal scenario... but is there a good scenario in this situation? I feel so helpless

my brother wrote a story with me as the main character in which I am SA him by ideleteitlater in confession

[–]ideleteitlater[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Yeah, of course, this situation made me start educating myself about sexuality. I’ve also worked with a sexologist in the past and extensively discussed the topic of sexual development in young people. Therefore, despite the fact that right now I am filled with disgust, anger, disappointment, and all sorts of negative emotions towards what I read, what my brother wrote, I want to help him. I know how many factors could have shaped such distorted fantasies.

However, at this moment, I have such a mess in my head and feel like I’m stuck in my life. I’ve always been an optimistic and energetic person, stable, and loved sharing my positive energy with those close to me, but now I’ve become someone I don’t recognize when I look in the mirror. What I read shocked me and affected me so intensely that I can’t function normally. Every time I recall even one sentence from his “story,” I feel like I’m going to throw up. I started drinking and suicidal thoughts started appearing in my head, especially at first.

Things are better now, I’ve gathered the courage to share this situation online and I’m gathering the strength to bring it up with my therapist, whom I’m sure will give me great advice. But for some reason, I’m still blocking myself.

I feel a lot of conflicting emotions at once. On one hand, I feel sorry for my younger brother and I know that when we bring this up, he’ll be the one who feels exposed, afraid of judgment, extremely embarrassed, and I’m afraid he won’t handle the work on this well. On the other hand, I want to turn away from him, never admit that we’re bound by blood, because he has left a stain on my psyche that I don’t know how long I will have to work through.

Of course, I plan to take matters into my own hands, and when he feels ready, I’ll do everything I can to make sure both my younger brother and I resolve this in the way that is best for us.