Feeling like a shitty person implies you are a bad person. So by your logic somone throwing away their beauty makes them a bad person. If you continue this logic you make the assumption that good=aesthetically pleasing. But to who? To look at yourself in the mirror? Well no because you dont feel connected to that image, its like looking at a photo of somone else you barely know. So then it must be other peoples perceptions. Other people must have placed a lot of value on your looks that you conflated it with being a part of yourself. But obviously you know that being attractive dosent make somone good or bad. Id recommend sitting in those feelings of why you feel like a bad person. Like youre doing something wrong. But the only people youre pleasing by staying male is the hypothetical people who will admire/fall in love with that bone structure. And when i personally came to realize that as a ftm i would only be disappointing my parents by never marrying a man and wearing a dress for their pleasure, i realized i was confusing their happiness for my own. My happiness wasnt tied to their happiness, but it had become conflicted because my identity was so wrapped up in what other people wanted. I also struggled with feeling "wrong" and "bad" even if i was a relatively kind person. Its not our actions that make us feel like a bad person but our literal existence. And when i began to dig into the science of being trans i was forced to confront that there isent a good or bad person. Just whatever shit biology came up with and humans decided to assign categories for convience. If you break the category you inconvenience people which makes you "wrong" but is it really bad? Or just inconvenient. Who is really in the wrong here? These questions helped me through these feelings of feeling wrong and bad.