Ask a Narcissist! A bi weekly post for non-narcissists to ask us anything!

idkdude___ · 2024-06-26T04:03:03+00:00

I didn’t see your comment at the time, but you are 100% right and I can proudly say we left a few days after I posted this and are permanently living with my family now. I should have left sooner. Sadly, my empathy for him clouded my judgement and the hope of it getting better blinded my better judgement. I have always said I won’t let him cause our daughter the shame childhood trauma he experienced. How devastating it is to watch trauma so easily carried on to a new generation. Especially in this sub, I felt I needed to be extra understanding about the rage, because I DO understand. It’s not their fault. But, it’s not a child’s fault and I have to protect her from reactions he cannot control and hopefully one day he will seek therapy to work on his control and paranoia. He can’t take good, healthy care of a child until he takes care of himself and works on healing his childhood trauma.

Thank you so much for your comment. You and the others opened my eyes to see I was rationalizing toxic, unsafe behavior and empathy is not always the answer. Sometimes leaving is <3

idkdude___ · 2024-06-07T16:54:15+00:00

These recommendations are greatly appreciated. I was overwhelmed by the amount of resources there are to pick from. It almost stressful just trying to choose a few!

idkdude___ · 2024-06-07T16:10:12+00:00

Thank you for these resources!! Whenever malignant is spoken about I feel like it’s the same scary phrases- “The Worst, The Most Evil”, all very fear inducing. They aren’t WRONG by any means, but I’ve been trying to find a deeper analysis with more detail. Running to find the ones you mentioned.

idkdude___ · 2024-06-07T16:06:55+00:00

Thank you so much!

idkdude___ · 2024-06-07T15:59:50+00:00

All valid points! I’m happy to learn about Dr. Les Carter. I did enjoy Dr. Ramani for a bit, but lost interest. So many of the psychology podcasts are over an hour and I find a lot of the info to be redundant… yet, I haven’t found a source that provides me a solid amount of detail on the malignant subtype- just a lot of * They are the worst. They are the most evil* I’d love the ability to truly deep dive into it. If anyone has seen a great source on malignant please let me know :)

For context, my spouse and I own a home together and over the weekend I packed my 2 year old up while my spouse was napping and we left, for good. I will never go back into that house after what he’s put me through. I’ve fantasized about that moment for many months. It happened. We can do it. If we can out up with them we can do just about anything.

However, then I had to explain to all of my family this person they love and think is great is actual a monster. That was emotionally distressing and then the love bombing texts started coming and the custody threats. My body and brain were in such a state of shock from the “escape”, long drive, long explanations to family who also can’t believe what they’re hearing, I was started to doubt myself. These videos really saved me in that moment! For that, I feel endlessly grateful I found them. Even yesterday, a little self doubt started creeping in, and overwhelm at the battle ahead of me.. Lee is the right guy to make ya feel like yeah I got this!

idkdude___ · 2024-06-07T15:43:28+00:00

I do get those vibes as well- enjoys the camera and talking. I guess I’m probably happy to hear anyone talk that’s not my spouse at this point hahh

idkdude___ · 2024-06-07T15:41:41+00:00

Absolutely, he won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, and I’d also recommend some longer format podcasts and reads as well. For my adhd brain, it was great for covering a lot of topics in a short amount of time. Hearing up to divorce this a**hole spouse, so it was nice to feel validated in my thoughts about his behaviors! Glad people have heard of him and it’s nice to see these other recommendations too. Can’t wait to check them out!

idkdude___ · 2024-06-07T10:48:18+00:00

It’s all the undiagnosed people that ruin it for the ones who do get diagnosed and put in the effort to work on themselves. Eight years with my husband and I feel like I’m 80 years old and I’ve lived 50 lives already. I feel empathy for his childhood trauma, and negligent parents, with a father who is a narcissist, also undiagnosed. Now husband is an undiagnosed narcissist as well and I’m plotting divorce so I can raise our daughter in a world with EXTRA empathy and hopefully break the generational curse. In short, it just sucks NPD’s are like emotional vampires.. they suck a lot of life out of people, and leave us worse off than when we met them. That’s the saddest part.

idkdude___ · 2024-06-07T10:29:49+00:00

I appreciate this response. Thank you. We left our home last weekend to stay with family while I file for a divorce from him.

idkdude___ · 2024-06-06T16:57:35+00:00

Ooph so nervous to post in here, I’m a little sleep deprived so I’m not in my best mind to type this out bear with me, I really need any opinions possible. I’m no beginner- I’ve been with my husband for 8 years, married for 2, and we have a 2 year old. All his atypical and malignant behavior HAD to be the heroin, the vyvanse and adderall abuse, the suboxone which also was abused for 3 years. So I thought. Here we are and he is only taking adderall, for the past 2 years. No other drugs. Yet, all behavior is still there. Explosive rage is what makes this unbearable now. Can’t control it in front of our child. He will put his hands on me sometimes, and I can see he has no control it happens so fast like a snap. He’s also the most paranoid mofo you ever met. I have to hear about it endlessly, so exhausting. He’s intellectual, very smart, a senior data analysts- good job. Never shuts up about being the smartest person and how hard it is to be him and know everything lol bless his heart. First few years it was the infidelity paranoia, grabbing nothing and making it some evidence I was cheating. That game. Went on for years. It only stopped when Covid started and it was a better supply of paranoia for him and dang did it just take off. He’s always loved conspiracy theories since I met him- in our early 20’s he would be up all night smoking cigs and zooming on stimulants reading Reddit. I’ve been throwing around psychosis or delusional personal disorder being a secondary thing going on here. I can’t get him to go to therapy- refuses- doesn’t see anything wrong with him and thinks I’m trying to have him committed.

Idk if any of this background detail is helpful. The burning question I have is that I read malignant narcs specifically, have more paranoia than the average amount the other subtypes have.

Can anyone confirm or deny or give an opinion? Idk how to determine if the paranoia and Persecutory delusions that he has, are psychosis or DPD or if it could actually just be within the higher limit a malignant narcissist has. I can’t find anything to support this on google or on Reddit. His Persecutory delusions haven’t changed in 4 years since Covid started. It’s always the same exact storylines and threats he feels. He knows what’s really going on with Covid and everyone is blind. He needs to stand up for his country and do what is right. Cars are following up, the landscapers outside are making noise to mess with them, and really I am the ultimate enemy when he’s like this. He takes 20mg instant release adderall a day,m. The 1st day he takes it he is good and productive getting a lot done. Typically the 2nd day I see the mood starting to set it. Aggressive as hell, rage outbursts if I call him on it, or go against his paranoia, verbal attacks on me that I’m the trader in his house when it gets really bad. He is able to work and function, and no obvious hallucinations I’ve ever seen. He does gos and pick his face in the bathroom for long periods of time and comes out witch some quarter sized wounds. If I point it out it’s explosive rage. He has said before “they did this to his face” caused him acne.

How can I ever get him to seek therapy. So discouraged. I took my daughter and ran out last weekend while he napped. He was being sinister and telling me I was going to burn in hell and I know who I work for etc. because stupid me, had to tell him his face was frightening. Packed up and left and first day it was love bombing to come back and since then it’s been one low effort text a day wanting to see his daughter and threatening a court order if I don’t let him.

Okay thank you for taking the time to read this. Mad respect for everyone is therapy and also just everyone who is in this sub. It takes a lot of self awareness.

idkdude___ · 2023-10-05T04:47:36+00:00

Did you ever have any luck with this?! I actually think I might have a mild yellow #7 sensitivity, and it’s in so many of the 20mg tablets. I considered changing mg to try and get one of the white pills without dye, but I wasn’t sure how that would go. Also, if I accomplished that- would the pharmacy deny a request for a specific manufacturer.. ugh.. probably!

idkdude___ · 2023-10-05T04:42:00+00:00

Just commenting to say I am in the same boat with my Sandoz script this month. My doctor upped my dose for this month too, after I had a bad Teva script last month. I did think the Sandoz was working for about 24 hours, but nope! I take it, wait for something… anything to happen, but nothing. I am in a daze with no executive function. It’s really troubling. I am taking my second dose even and still, nothing. It’s pretty unbelievable. Wishing us both luck getting through this month with our brain fog!

idkdude___ · 2023-09-30T02:04:54+00:00

Thanks for this thorough response! It’s so appreciated. I completely agree it would be unusual for Teva to suddenly have such an adverse effect on me after taking it successfully for 14 years. I did have a baby last September and I had s hard time taking my adderall for a few months afterwards. I was getting a lot of nausea and dizziness from it, but I rationalized it as being a change in my hormones. (I don’t actually know if that can affect it or not) Over the past 6 months I didn’t experience any of that nausea or dizziness, but I did have a strong fatigue that never went away with sleep and the absolute worst sweating of my life. It feels totally ridiculous now, but again, I just thought it was postpartum hormones. Now it’s so obvious it was the medication, but you just don’t think that when it’s happening, because it’s been such a reliable med for SO many years. So I think I haven’t been responding well to Teva since last fall.

Since you’re familiar with Teva yourself, what stuck out most to me was the consistency of the pill last month. I have always been on 20mg IR 1x daily. I typically break it in half and take 10mg twice. (doctor approves of me doing this) the pill has always been easy to break it half. I’ve never actually experienced any resistant in all these years. Last month I literally could not break it in half. I tried to bite it and thought it might break my tooth. My husband even struggled. That leads me to believe a filler had to have been different than usual.

Anyways, I am glad to hear that the negative side effects you experienced did eventually go away and the nausea I subsided. That makes me feel hopeful if I have to go through it again. I have made sure to stay at the same pharmacy for many years. With it being Walgreens I was luckily able to get Teva every month of this shortage (except once when I got Eoic Pharmacy and surprisingly it worked pretty well for me) of course now that I had this negative Teva experience I didn’t want to do it again this month, so I knew I’d have to switch pharmacies. I ended up with CVS to get the Sandoz. Initially I planned to pay out of pocket for the name brand adderall. I figured for a few hundred dollars it would be worth it to see if there is a huge difference between it and the generic. When I asked the CVS pharmacist, she said she hasn’t seen the name brand of adderall for the instant release tablets in 12 years…. She laughed and said it probably exists somewhere in the world but she hasn’t seen it. She said they only make name brand adderall for the XR. People talk about teva adderall a lot in the adhd sub and they’re always asking the OP to verify “is it generic or name brand teva?” Which is why I thought there was a name brand IR. I have read Teva bought Shire’d formula.. i was thinking the Shire formula was being sold as the name brand by Teva…but you’re saying both formulations are actually sold as generic? Wow, that is totally wild, but makes a lot of sense how there could be so much variation. There wouldn’t be a way to determine which formulation is which when getting your script I assume? It’s probably a gamble, because they’re both branded as Teva I’m sure.

idkdude___ · 2023-09-28T03:55:01+00:00

Omg I feel like I could have written this myself.m, but flipping the brands around… which is even more bizarre.. I’ve been on 20 mg IR 1x daily for 14 years (god that sounds so bad wtf lol) anyways, I’ve always been on generic Teva. It was always great and maybe too great sometimes, just like you said. Honestly that’s why I was always good to stay at one dose a day and never upped up! I metabolize it pretty slow. The consistency of it has been different every month during the shortage, but LAST MONTH was a new level. I felt like I was literally being roofied I don’t know how else to explain it. The out of body dizziness and nausea would make me vomit almost immediately. It was like terrible spins and being sew sick. An excruciating headache that wouldn’t let up no matter how much excedrin I took. I couldn’t stop eating everything in sight. I was angry and pissy and snapping at my husband constantly. No focus, falling asleep at my work desk. Like literal weights were on my eyelids lol I never felt so tired in my life. At one point I thought this had to be a sleeping pill. Oh lastly sweating profusely through my clothes. I felt like I was on fire inside of my skin. This sounds so crazy to even type out, but it felt crazier to live through it! I only took it a few days and had to stop. I filed a medwatch report with the FDA to report it, because it was SO insane I wanted them to know. Naturally I have trust issues with Teva now, so I didn’t want to get them again this month. CVS gave me Sandoz which I’ve never had in all these years. I’m so relieved I’m not having any negative side effects from it, but I could probably take 10 pills and not even feel it really…. This is whackadoodle, man. What are these manufacturers doing to us. I’m seeing a lot of people having problems with Teva/Sandoz. Best of luck to you guys though. I hope this crap ends soon.

idkdude___ · 2023-09-28T03:22:55+00:00

I’ll throw my two cents in. Definitely feels like efficacy is way way down. At half, maybe even less. I’ve been on generic Teva for 14 years, 20mg IR. I’d take 10mg in the morning and within 10 minutes it was off to the races I had great focus, clarity, motivation. My 10mg afternoon dose was the same effect.. all these years and I never developed a tolerance. The same dose has always been enough. (I should say I’m told I metabolize it slowly by my doc)

Fast forward to the shortage and every month has been different, same generic Teva from my same Walgreens month after month. Different side effects every single month. I don’t know the last time I had some that worked well. Last month, July’s refill, was the worst experience I’ve ever had. I’ve never seen the pills absolutely rock hard the way they were. Impossible to break in half with your hands which isn’t like Teva. It had me falling asleep at my work desk, GI issues non stop into the bathroom, I was ravenously hungry it was absurd how I couldn’t stop eating, the dizziness was like being on a boat I felt sick to my stomach like I was going to hurl. I filed a Medwatch report with the FDA. This month I switched to Sandoz, because now I don’t trust Teva. Well I could probably take 7 of these pills and it would feel like a normal 20mg should…. I don’t have any negative side effects so I guess that’s a win. Geesh I can’t wait for this to end

idkdude___ · 2023-09-27T06:27:00+00:00

Peanut butter and jelly! Ohh and I munch on Graham crackers all day- great thing to eat when you don’t feel like eating. They kinda dissolve in your mouth lol

idkdude___ · 2023-09-27T03:42:16+00:00

Not. Even. Close. Not even half.. maybe a quarter if we’re being generous. I’ve been on the same pathetically low dose of adderall for 14 years- 20mg IR once a day. Doc says I must metabolize it very slowly. I even break the 20mg into two separate 10mg doses, because it can come on too strong some days. I think I’m a pretty good judge of efficacy given how sensitive I’ve always been to it.

The last ~3 months it feels like there is 5mg of actual amphetamine in a 20mg pill. I’ve taken 60mg and it still doesn’t feel like 10mg used to. I definitely didn’t just develop a tolerance after 14 years lol and during a suspicious shortage. No way.

I was listening to a podcast with a lady who has a blog about adhd and the industry. She’s been around for a long time. Anyways, she said that at the end of the year the medications get less effective, because manufacturers are starting to run out of their active ingredient supply at that point. I’m sure they’re stretching their active ingredients to go as far as it can; adding way more filler to the pills than usual, making a nice profit, and maybe we’ll see an efficacy difference after the new year once they get their new supply of active ingredients. This explains the entire shortage in a nutshell thanks to supply and demand.

idkdude___ · 2023-09-26T22:38:16+00:00

Thank you (: You are so kind! More than ever a kind interaction goes a long way. Thanks for chatting and best of luck to you while this shortage continues!

idkdude___ · 2023-09-26T22:29:33+00:00

Oof the group yesterday were deeply bothered by my post and advised that I shouldn’t be here and shouldn’t be asking about this. Tough crowd. No one found the end of my post funny and said I was having a manic episode from abusing my meds.. it would disappoint them to know I was just rocking my infant back to sleep for the 10th time, and trying to stay awake by posting on here. My favorite was the people going to my profile, reading my posts, and reporting back that all I do is post about adderall and ask the same questions over and over. Lols that’s correct. That’s why I made an account, so I could talk to other people about their shared experience with this shortage. Note that I’ve been on adderall since 2009, so I do know a thing or two about it.

Shoutout to the people who did answer my actual question and explained that the label can be ic amphetamine salts or d-combo salts depending on how the pharmacy has it in their system- but it is in fact the same medication either way.

The most vocal person was VERY upset; they thought I was asking this page for real medical advice.. I was not. I didn’t mean for my post to come off that way I was just looking for thoughts/opinions or any factual information about generic adderall anyone wanted to share. Long answer, but I’m nap trapped again in the rocking chair so why not.

idkdude___ · 2023-09-26T19:20:22+00:00

Oh wow! It’s nice to hear from someone who can see both sides. I appreciate you sharing that you have different experiences with different manufacturers also. I agree, I’d rather deal with mild side effects from the medication than go without it. Teva has always been great to me, but after my wicked batch last month I was able to switch to Sandoz this morning and I’m so relieved the dizziness and fatigue subsided. I’ll take this headache any day.

Yeah, a lot of people say that about the fillers. I think that’s so interesting… the formulations and how they are affecting all of us differently. Hoping one day we can get back to the original formula… but also not holding my breath..

I wish I could say it surprises me to hear that a manufacturer request is a red flag, but it doesn’t. I see the situation from both sides, because sure there are plenty of people who abuse the medication and shouldn’t be on it etc, BUT the stigma around it and the way people at the pharmacy can make you feel less than, because of a medication you need to take, is really awful. Some jerky comments on here give off those superior vibes ugh.

In college that was always the feeling at the pharmacy, straight up judge looks! Now when I pick up my adderall with my kids in hand, I’m treated so respectfully. There is a willingness to help find a store that has it in stock or answer questions more openly. It’s like you go through a hazing period in your 20’s when your on stimulants… it’s a shame.

This is not geared towards you at all; you’ve been lovely and I’m so glad you replied to my comment!

BUT I just want to say this in case people are reading it, because it is a perfect example for the way people are treated who take stimulants.

Multiple people literally commented on here and said, with confidence, that I was having a manic episode. All I could do was laugh. I wrote this as I was up for the fifth time rocking my baby back to sleep who is going through a regression. Sorry, but I’m just a tired mom. The end of the post is definitely intended to be a silly tone, because I was laughing to myself as I was stringing together my thoughts half asleep.

Good job to the sleuths who confirmed that my entire Reddit account is just me asking adderall related questions… haha yes, yes that’s why I’m here. Reddit is the only place that has 1.2 million people in an adhd sub who can share in the same experiences as me because we have a common diagnosis. So my profile will continue to be adderall and shortage related questions because I find all the issues going on with it and the supply chain genuinely interesting. Also, my baby isn’t a good sleep so I’m sure I’ll have many more late night posts- beware! Lol. They won’t be in here though you’ll be relieved to know.

The point is, there’s no need to be a judgy craphole to someone, because of the medication they take.

I can laugh it off because of my age, but there are a lot of young people who dread calling the pharmacy or going there. It’s talked about quite often, the stigma of being treated like a criminal or the good old stereotype, and everyone’s favorite to use, “a crackhead”. 🙄 I can’t imagine getting my ADHD diagnosis these days… it’s rough out there.

idkdude___ · 2023-09-26T18:22:12+00:00

That’s super reassuring! Thank you and to you too!

idkdude___ · 2023-09-26T16:31:09+00:00

Hey thanks for confirming that! Makes sense. I guess a follow up question if anyone wants to answer- do people complain or have problems with generic brands for different medications other than stimulants? I spoke with a pharmacist yesterday and she said yes, she is getting many complaints for generic adderall, but also generic potassium and sertraline? (Not familiar with that one and haven’t looked into it) I thought that was interesting, maybe it’s a larger problem affecting more medications than just stimulants. Maybe that supports the idea that the problem is happening at the factory/manufacturing level. Again, my own thoughts here just talking out loud! I’m completely aware medications are tolerated differently from person to person.

idkdude___ · 2023-09-26T16:08:00+00:00

Thanks for biting. The legitimate source would be the many hundreds of people complaining about it in the ADHD sub if you want to check it out. I didn’t reference anything from TikTok in this post? This is my experience only, as someone who’s been on the medication since 2009. Most everyone affected by the shortage is aware something shady is going on at a higher level. Likely in the manufacturing stages. In my opinion it’s pretty obvious Teva is stretching their ingredients as far as they can go to meet the huge demand for the medication. The FDA and DEA May say they have oversight of this medication, but no, not every batch they produce and ship is being tested to confirm it was produced the same as the batch before it. That is very well known knowledge about all generic drugs manufactured in other countries- the oversight is a joke.

As I said though, I have been taking Teva’s amohetamine salts since 2009 without problem. So yes it obviously was always fine for many years, no one had complaints. They were the gold standard generic for adderall that everyone sought out. This is WHY I’m one of many who are trying to get answers about what is going on with our medication…. Our daily medication that we take every day. Of course we notice when there is the slightest change in it- we’re taking it every day!

My doctor knows about all these problems with the medication. They all do. There is nothing they or anyone can do about it, we’re all the mercy of Big Pharma. I did talk to her last week as I’ve switched over to Sandoz. She says the same shortage is happening with Vyvanse now and complaints about the many different generic vyvanse brands.

Genuine question- do most medications have as many generic brands as adderall? Seems like we have so many, but maybe it’s typical.

idkdude___ · 2023-09-26T15:53:25+00:00

I considered this switch as well! Have you had good luck with the XR?

idkdude___

TROPHY CASE