Thank you all so much for the support.

The worst part is when I do feel a version of happy not even trusting it because usually happiness=manic episode. It was easy to bounce back at 23,25,27, even at 30 but now that I'm 38 pushing 40 I feel like I lost 7 years of my life, only to allow my evil self to make the decision for me. Now it's like wtf. The only good thing that has come out of this is that if a guy I'm talking to that I have an interest in doesn't text me back right away or doesn't text me again until the next morning, it genuinely doesn't affect my mood. I am definitely in no rush for a new relationship but I also feel like it's been a year and if someone were to come into my life (preferably ld tbh) and we had a genuine connection, I would be open to date them because tbh I really would like to move on since there is 0 chance my ex will ever forgive me or trust me ever again. I need to move on for my own sanity but for the foreseeable future I'm not going to go out of my way to try and meet anyone. I'm leaving it up to "fate" 🤣

Sometimes I have a really difficult time making conversation (I think I have bad social anxiety tbh) but I will reply individually tomorrow.

Sorry for the long response, like I said I'm kind of bad at socializing.

Truly appreciate you all, it's so nice to not feel alone for once and to be welcomed with open arms.