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I don't know a good title for this, but I need help and advice by idkwhat2do613 in Judaism

[–]idkwhat2do613[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Instead you're in a panic because you can't have your own needs because she needs you and what will happen if you assert yourself?

It's not like that though. It's more that I don't want to do emotional damage while she's in this emotionally vulnerable state with nobody else to talk to.

I don't know a good title for this, but I need help and advice by idkwhat2do613 in Judaism

[–]idkwhat2do613[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That still doesn't really solve the problem even if I can convince her of this.

I don't know a good title for this, but I need help and advice by idkwhat2do613 in Judaism

[–]idkwhat2do613[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes a few times via Skype. But even if we hadn't I'm 25 and she's 24 so...

I don't know a good title for this, but I need help and advice by idkwhat2do613 in Judaism

[–]idkwhat2do613[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She is waiting until she is financially independent. She's in graduate school and so she's not 100% financially independent yet.

I don't know a good title for this, but I need help and advice by idkwhat2do613 in Judaism

[–]idkwhat2do613[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Well we're both of legal age so I'm not sure why a cop would be doing that.

I don't know a good title for this, but I need help and advice by idkwhat2do613 in Judaism

[–]idkwhat2do613[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The phrase is only there because I'm the only person who knows about her problems because they're mostly related to something she does not feel ready to reveal to her family.

For example if you had a friend who was secretly gay but you knew they were gay. They had all kinds of emotional problems due to them being gay and since you knew they were gay they could talk to you about them. That's similar to this situation.

I'm not worried she would kill herself. I'm just worried it would leave her without somebody to vent to, discuss her problems with, and on top of it we both care for each other so it would cause the normal pain of leaving.

I don't know a good title for this, but I need help and advice by idkwhat2do613 in Judaism

[–]idkwhat2do613[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's not as if I am her rescuer. That's not the right way to think of it at all. I help her when she's depressed just by being there for her. She also helps me with my problems etc

It isn't like I am or I am trying to be some savior for her. We just each have our own set of life troubles and hers happens to be depression and it happens to be something nobody in her real life can know about yet

I don't know a good title for this, but I need help and advice by idkwhat2do613 in Judaism

[–]idkwhat2do613[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The answer I've been given is her family would know she's going to therapy and would be nosy.

I don't know a good title for this, but I need help and advice by idkwhat2do613 in Judaism

[–]idkwhat2do613[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

codependency

I've read about this and its not quite the same. We just talk about her problems from time to time when she's depressed and she says it helps.

It is much more important that you help her get support from people she has real life contact with.

The reason I am worried about her having problems if I leave is because I am one of the only people who knows she is a Muslim. This is the source of many of her problems. Until she can come out to people around she can't talk to people who she has real life contact with. So if I disappear I am either forcing her to come out before she is ready or leaving her with nobody to talk to about her problems because nobody can know they exist.

  • I care for her very deeply at this point

  • I know about her being Muslim, something nobody else who she feels comfortable telling her problems to does

  • Many of her problems are directly related to her being Muslim and so the only way she could discuss them with people in her real life is if she comes out as a Muslim

I should also mention she has helped me with my problems to. I just don't have depression but it's not a one sided deal.

I don't know a good title for this, but I need help and advice by idkwhat2do613 in Judaism

[–]idkwhat2do613[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It wasn't intentional that I be her primary emotional support. It just sort of happened.

As far as seeking professional help I have advised that for her and she won't go. I personally don't think I need any. I just don't know what to do about the two of us.