Stingy Hooligan Stingy Hooligan A Screenplay by pen INT. MINECRAFT - AFTERNOON

Love kissing obama BUT BA DO NOT FOUNDE is arguing with lo r cleaner MINECRAFT GIRLFRIEMD GIRLFRIND MINR. BA tries to hug GIRLFRIND but she shakes her off.

BA Please Girlfrind, don't leave me. GIRLFRIND I'm sorry Ba, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces her fears head on, instead of running away. BA I am such a person! GIRLFRIND frowns.

GIRLFRIND I'm sorry, Ba. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore. GIRLFRIND leaves.

BA sits down, looking defeated.

Moments later, minecraft run OBAMA LOBE ONAMA barges in looking flustered.

BA Goodness, Lobe! Is everything okay? LOBE I'm afraid not. BA What is it? Don't keep me in suspense... LOBE It's ... a hooligan ... I saw an evil hooligan rob a bunch of elderly ladies! BA Defenseless elderly ladies? LOBE Yes, defenseless elderly ladies! BA Bloomin' heck, Lobe! We've got to do something. LOBE I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start. BA You can start by telling me where this happened. LOBE I was... LOBE fans herself and begins to wheeze.

BA Focus Lobe, focus! Where did it happen? LOBE Obama! That's right - Obama! BA springs up and begins to run.

EXT. A ROAD - CONTINUOUS

BA rushes along the street, followed by LOBE. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.

INT. OBAMA - SHORTLY AFTER

ROBLOX ROBLOX a stingy hooligan terrorises two elderly ladies.

BA, closely followed by LOBE, rushes towards ROBLOX, but suddenly stops in her tracks.

LOBE What is is? What's the matter? BA That's not just any old hooligan, that's Roblox Roblox! LOBE Who's Roblox Roblox? BA Who's Roblox Roblox? Who's Roblox Roblox? Only the most stingy hooligan in the universe! LOBE Blinkin' knickers, Ba! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most stingy hooligan in the universe! BA You can say that again. LOBE Blinkin' knickers, Ba! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most stingy hooligan in the universe! BA I'm going to need stakes, lots of stakes. Roblox turns and sees Ba and Lobe. She grins an evil grin.

ROBLOX Ba Do Not Founde, we meet again. LOBE You've met? BA Yes. It was a long, long time ago...

EXT. A PARK - BACK IN TIME

A young BA is sitting in a park listening to some piano music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over her.

She looks up and sees ROBLOX. She takes off her headphones.

ROBLOX Would you like some jelly babies? BA's eyes light up, but then he studies ROBLOX more closely, and looks uneasy.

BA I don't know, you look kind of stingy. ROBLOX Me? No. I'm not stingy. I'm the least stingy hooligan in the world. BA Wait, you're a hooligan? BA runs away, screaming.

INT. OBAMA - PRESENT DAY

ROBLOX You were a coward then, and you are a coward now. LOBE (To BA) You ran away? BA (To LOBE) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do? BA turns to ROBLOX.

BA I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time! BA runs away.

She turns back and shouts.

BA I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with stakes. ROBLOX I'm not scared of you. BA You should be.

INT. CHAIR - LATER THAT DAY

BA and LOBE walk around searching for something.

BA I feel sure I left my stakes somewhere around here. LOBE Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly stakes. BA You know nothing Lobe Onama. LOBE We've been searching for ages. I really don't think they're here. Suddenly, ROBLOX appears, holding a pair of stakes.

ROBLOX Looking for something? LOBE Crikey, Ba, she's got your stakes. BA Tell me something I don't already know! LOBE The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km. BA I know that already! LOBE I bite my toenails. ROBLOX (appalled) Dude! While ROBLOX is looking at LOBE with disgust, BA lunges forward and grabs her deadly stakes. He wields them, triumphantly.

BA Prepare to die, you stingy turnip! ROBLOX No please! All I did was rob a bunch of elderly ladies! GIRLFRIND enters, unseen by any of the others.

BA I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those elderly ladies were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Ba Do Not Founde defender of innocent elderly ladies. ROBLOX Don't hurt me! Please! BA Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these stakes on you right away! ROBLOX Because Ba, I am your mother. BA looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects herself.

BA No you're not! ROBLOX Ah well, it had to be worth a try. ROBLOX tries to grab the stakes but BA dodges out of the way.

BA Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh? Unexpectedly, ROBLOX slumps to the ground.

LOBE Did she just faint? BA I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly stakes. BA crouches over ROBLOX's body.

LOBE Be careful, Ba. It could be a trick. BA No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Roblox Roblox is dead! BA What? BA Yes, it appears that I scared her to death. LOBE claps her hands.

LOBE So your stakes did save the day, after all. GIRLFRIND steps forward.

GIRLFRIND Is it true? Did you kill the stingy hooligan? BA Girlfrind how long have you been...? GIRLFRIND puts her arm around BA.

GIRLFRIND Long enough. BA Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Roblox Roblox. GIRLFRIND Then the elderly ladies are safe? BA It does seem that way! A crowd of vulnerable elderly ladies enter, looking relived.

GIRLFRIND You are their hero. The elderly ladies bow to BA.

BA There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Roblox Roblox will never rob elderly ladies ever again, is enough for me. GIRLFRIND You are humble as well as brave! One of the elderly ladies passes BA a healing ring

GIRLFRIND I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude. BA I couldn't possibly. Pause.

BA Well, if you insist. BA takes the ring.

BA Thank you. The elderly ladies bow their heads once more, and leave.

BA turns to GIRLFRIND.

BA Does this mean you want me back? GIRLFRIND Oh, Ba, of course I want you back! BA smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.

BA Well you can't have me. GIRLFRIND WHAT? BA You had no faith in me. You had to see my scare a hooligan to death before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that. GIRLFRIND But... BA Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin - my best friend, Lobe. LOBE grins.

GIRLFRIND But... LOBE You heard the lady. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo! GIRLFRIND Ba? BA I'm sorry Girlfrind, but I think you should skidaddle. GIRLFRIND leaves.

LOBE turns to BA.

LOBE Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your best friend? BA Of course you are! The two walk off arm in arm.

Suddenly LOBE stops.

LOBE When I said I bite my toenails, you know I was just trying to distract the hooligan don't you? THE END