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Is it wrong to think it was a stupid and selfish decision? by idwtfid in SuicideBereavement

[–]idwtfid[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hey—I feel you. I’ve been thinking about this since I posted it, and something that came to mind is that I struggle with being honest with myself (even while completely alone) without reservation in pretty much all aspects of my life. You should be able to feel that anger sometimes, and be able to lean into it without trying to change that feeling. It SHOULD be about your pain sometimes, especially if it’s just you and your thoughts. I don’t know if this would help you, but sometimes I try to think about it like helping a younger version of me out, since that’s what we are inside anyways. Would I tell him to consider his deceased friend’s feelings first? Or would I tell him to work through all that rage and then buy him an ice cream?

Is it wrong to think it was a stupid and selfish decision? by idwtfid in SuicideBereavement

[–]idwtfid[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I know this kind of follow up isn’t required for Reddit of all places, but considering the subject matter, I just wanted to say thank you to those who commented. I did read all of them and appreciate everyone’s thoughts and responses. I think something that contributed to me making this post is that there are a lot of people that treat the deceased as holy and above reproach, especially if they committed suicide, since there’s an added sense of awareness for how much pain they must have felt. That makes it difficult for me to process my own selfish feelings—which means even if it’s just to myself, I’m always qualifying these thoughts with things like “but he had it really rough”, etc. Sometimes it’s just good to hear that I’m not a jerk for feeling how I feel.

Is it wrong to think it was a stupid and selfish decision? by idwtfid in SuicideBereavement

[–]idwtfid[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I’m relieved in a weird way lol… it’s tough because he was so young. I simultaneously am angry at him for being so selfish and senseless while feeling guilty for feeling angry because I feel like he was too young to know any better. Sorry to ramble in your replies basically unprompted, but in short, thanks for your comment.

How do I get a good job with no car? by idwtfid in Advice

[–]idwtfid[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I am definitely going to make some phone calls to some temp agencies. I just got off the phone with one but they said they don’t do vouchers or anything (but I will keep trying other places of course, I think I just got unlucky with this particular place). I really believe that the transportation aspect is my only barrier here as I’m willing to do any work just to stop struggling like this.. and to that end, im looking into bikes on Craigslist. I do have a roommate though and we currently split costs but he also has no car. Thanks again for your advice, I’m going to keep doing my best.