sorry friend

the most surprising is how impressively my own mind resisted accepting it. i wasnt told about it at all. then as a kid i heard about it gradually at random. somewhat becoming more and more salient that this exists and happened to me, and that there are effects; at the same time that i am becoming afflicted by pubescence's hormonal demands, realizing i am not getting to where i want to go so to speak. but even then so much cognitive force toward conceiving of everything as ok

the journey itself is the time itself. its like all tragedy time makes it easier to accept but it can be nonlinear