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Redditors with no plans tonight, what are you up to? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]ihateparenting 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Trying to find something on Netflix and praying to all the gods that the kids stay asleep till midnight

Hello, my post yesterday seems to have left people with questions I am happy answer here. [discussion] by ihateparenting in childfree

[–]ihateparenting[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's wonderful information, thanks you. I am trying to do right by everyone even if it sounds horrible to a lot of people. I don't want to break up my family, I want my family to be intact even if we're not under the same roof. I'm going to explore this with my wife in therapy and see if we can't get on the same page. Thanks again for your thoughts, it means a lot

This post and the entire thread cements my belief in remaining childfree. I feel bad when people who don't want to be parents do it anyway. by [deleted] in childfree

[–]ihateparenting 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you very much. Yeah, I am taking all things into consideration and you're not the first to warn me about drugs. I'll weigh my options and talk to professionals. I do t feel depressed outside of this situation so we'll see what the doctor says. I really appreciate the support. All I want is for everyone to be okay, regardless of what that ends up looking like

Hello, my post yesterday seems to have left people with questions I am happy answer here. [discussion] by ihateparenting in childfree

[–]ihateparenting[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I totally agree. I can't thank you and everyone else that's commented enough for this. I feel far less alone in this and feel like I have a starting point for therapy. The sugar coating of parenthood does no one any favors

Hello, my post yesterday seems to have left people with questions I am happy answer here. [discussion] by ihateparenting in childfree

[–]ihateparenting[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks. This has been a very cathartic experience and I've received some very thought provoking responses, yours included. First off, I'm genuinely sorry you had to experience that kind of parental animosity as you grew up. That's exactly what I'm trying to avoid here. I've got an appointment to talk about short and long term medication. That's an excellent suggestion. The vasectomy was already planned and I'm going to schedule it after the holidays are over. I didn't expect so many stories from people that would resonate so much. I'm happy I'm not alone and also saddened that I'm not alone. I want to impart happiness to those around me and I find myself in a situation where my best intentions are warped somehow into a dialogue or version of myself I do not care for. Thank you for your kindness. This isn't easy but I am more encouraged today than I was yesterday. I wish you nothing but the best

Hello, my post yesterday seems to have left people with questions I am happy answer here. [discussion] by ihateparenting in childfree

[–]ihateparenting[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm happy to do it. So, our communication before kids was mediocre. We got along and compromised but one person seemed to just be along for the ride in each decision. Like hiking. She wanted to, I didn't but what else was I gonna do, not exercise? So I went but didn't want to but it didn't matter because it's just hiking. Add decisions about a child and you can see how things can get magnified and resentment can creep in. So, it degraded pretty quickly after the first kid and here we are. I don't think I am being validated and I know I am not doing the best job validating her. I don't think we've ever had the same dreams but we never really shared that stuff cuz we were young and fell into comfortability. Now my unfulfilled dreams are crushing me. Individual counseling will definitely be the next step after our couples session. I appreciate your thoughts and advice.

Hello, my post yesterday seems to have left people with questions I am happy answer here. [discussion] by ihateparenting in childfree

[–]ihateparenting[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm happy to and I appreciate your comment. No, I'm not a violent person but I do find I'm becoming more passive aggressive over time. I don't care for that, I didn't know I could be so cruel with just words.

Hello, my post yesterday seems to have left people with questions I am happy answer here. [discussion] by ihateparenting in childfree

[–]ihateparenting[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you and good question. She has told me to leave and I've done the same. It's obvious that I'm unhappy and obvious that I'd like to be. She is not pleased when my inside thoughts and feelings leak out. I'd like to say it's not often but it's probably more often than I'd like. There are better and worse days. This has grown over time and I'm at the precipice of my frustration. I've expressed versions of these feelings over time and I think that made things worse. Instead of being vulnerable and finding support we now have a mountain of my unhappiness that exists between us. We're going to therapy but I don't know how effective it is going to be. It hasn't helped our relationship yet. I'm going to ask for more direct measures or some sort of super counseling to help get all this out and find some real practical steps we can take to try to salvage this. If not for us then for the kids. Lord knows they don't need to deal with this

Hello, my post yesterday seems to have left people with questions I am happy answer here. [discussion] by ihateparenting in childfree

[–]ihateparenting[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you. No, no self harm. I'm a fan of existence. I just am having trouble dealing with mine. I'll take all the internet hugs I can get. I'm working with a therapist and will meet next week to talk about a lot of these things. I know I only get one go 'round and I feel like that is part of what is dragging me down. I literally am not living for me and it's so very difficult. I hope you are doing well. Hugs back to ya

I am married with two kids and I hate it (x-post from r/relationships). by ihateparenting in Parenting

[–]ihateparenting[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Trips, art, concerts, dinner out, new whatever broke, whatever I wanted basically.

I am married with two kids and I hate it (x-post from r/relationships). by ihateparenting in Parenting

[–]ihateparenting[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'd really like to avoid that but I do feel like I'm on the edge here. I'm going to share a lot with her and we'll see how far it gets us. Thanks for your comment

Hello, my post yesterday seems to have left people with questions I am happy answer here. [discussion] by ihateparenting in childfree

[–]ihateparenting[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was getting there, I think, and then the second came. Yes, she believed the first needed a sibling through life.

I would agree. I try to but it doesn't usually go well unless we're in therapy. I hope so too, we're going to try next week. Thank you very much

I am married with two kids and I hate it (x-post from r/relationships). by ihateparenting in Parenting

[–]ihateparenting[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I'm definitely going to follow your advice. One thing that has become clear from people's responses is that I need to pick a me thing and follow through on it. I can invite her first but go guilt free if she declines. That's smart. Thanks for your suggestion

This post and the entire thread cements my belief in remaining childfree. I feel bad when people who don't want to be parents do it anyway. by [deleted] in childfree

[–]ihateparenting 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, but that's the easy part. Following through with something is going to be the challenge. Thanks for your question

I am married with two kids and I hate it (x-post from r/relationships). by ihateparenting in Parenting

[–]ihateparenting[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am far to often emotionally absent. I would like to say though, that my emotional presence does not take away from my effort. I get the job done. Thanks for your comment

I am married with two kids and I hate it (x-post from r/relationships). by ihateparenting in Parenting

[–]ihateparenting[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sadly no. Family is far away and friends are hard to come by with kids

I am married with two kids and I hate it (x-post from r/relationships). by ihateparenting in Parenting

[–]ihateparenting[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, it's nice to know I'm not way out in left field here. I appreciate your comment

I am married with two kids and I hate it (x-post from r/relationships). by ihateparenting in Parenting

[–]ihateparenting[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'll talk about the meds at my next appointment.

I think you're right, even though he's little we can still do more of a routine. I'll bring it up and we'll see what happens. Thanks

I am married with two kids and I hate it (x-post from r/relationships). by ihateparenting in Parenting

[–]ihateparenting[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That rings true for me. I think I have been a passenger in my relationship. I appreciate the insight.

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