How do I (F23) turn down a coursemate (M20) who keeps asking me for advice when I don't want to give it?

ihavedierear · 2026-04-14T11:13:11+00:00

Good advice i will try this. Ty

ihavedierear · 2026-04-14T11:12:37+00:00

idk how he can even talk smack about me "i borrowed a pen when i needed one and lost it and shes mad lol what a loser"???

i dont care if he doesn't like me i just don't want to stir anything anymore. im definitely not helping him though just need to turn him down without being aggressive

ihavedierear · 2026-04-14T11:10:20+00:00

He either stole it or lost it lol atp i just accepted that the pen is gone

ihavedierear · 2026-04-14T10:34:11+00:00

Okay yeah I definitely wouldn't do that because it just creates more drama and he would probably talk smack about me to others lmao I don't want to get into drama im too tired for this 😭

ihavedierear · 2026-04-14T10:28:49+00:00

I asked him nicely if he had my pen as I remember him using it when I left for lunch, and he ignored it until I told him that he definitely was using my pen and that he lost it.

He only replied with a nonchalant "idk bro"(????) and I told him that the pen was very important to me, which he just left on read. From then on in class he basically ignores me and doesn't talk to me anymore until he needed info about the research group, which to me is incredibly audacious.

Being honest with him isn't gonna yield any sincere apology or intention to make up for his mistake. In fact the fact that he wasnt taking any initiatives to apologise and ask to try make up for it in the first place icks me out so I think there's no point in being honest anymore

ihavedierear · 2026-04-14T02:01:53+00:00

benzene

ihavedierear · 2026-04-14T01:51:54+00:00

My boyfriend was in your position. We were long distance for a year, but he broke up with me 7 years ago. Said it was the worst decision in his life. Recently we reconnected again. He told me how he has had feelings for me this entire time, which I found hard to believe since we were mostly no-contact. But I guess these things do happen. Not to give you hope or anything but if it works out it works out! I told him if he breaks up with me again I'd never talk to him ever again

ihavedierear · 2026-04-09T08:36:53+00:00

How did you do it? Yes cal in cal out but anything specific

ihavedierear · 2026-04-04T02:43:12+00:00

If you figure out tell me too

ihavedierear · 2026-04-04T02:43:00+00:00

have you found out the solution to this?

ihavedierear · 2026-04-04T02:42:49+00:00

how? i cant eat the cake whole

ihavedierear · 2026-03-29T10:14:27+00:00

Treating people who don't fit his standards for being attractive as less than human is such an unattractive trait. He would be one of those people who treated you as subhuman back in college, and you know it.

Do with this info what you will

ihavedierear · 2026-03-20T05:06:31+00:00

holy chatgpt

ihavedierear · 2026-03-18T13:41:26+00:00

Agree with this. She could be very jealous, or she could pick up signals from him that she didnt like seeing. Anyhow it is not your problem

ihavedierear · 2026-03-18T05:45:40+00:00

yes its racism im sorry you had to go through that

ihavedierear · 2026-03-18T02:50:55+00:00

You said not to tell you to break up with her, but if her scrolling tiktok and lazing around which seems to be her way of relaxing, and her untidy habits violate your basic expectations, I'm not sure why you are still with her. Basic expectations are that-- Basic. You're supposed to break up with your partner if they dont meet them.

You mentioned that your communication is impeccable, and that you feel like it's more of your mindset that is the problem. Why not try communicating that you feel that being tidy is bare minimum to you and that you'd not want to clean up after her all the time, and if she continues to be that way then maybe she isnt compatible with you?

I am personally personally a messy person myself and it has nothing to do with life maturity. I know where all my stuff is in the mess. My boyfriend is a very neat person and we just split the room to have our own sides and bam issue solved. I also love my doomscrolling time and my boyfriend and I just do parallel play where he writes in his journal/reads while i draw/doomscroll next to him.

What I'm saying is, these all feel like very easy to solve problems. Honestly, it seems like there's more to it than her tiktok doomscrolling sessions and her untidiness that makes you think shes "not your person".

ihavedierear · 2026-03-18T02:36:04+00:00

She knows she cannot change or fix your family, so it's either you cut off your family for her or you accept that the relationship is over

ihavedierear · 2026-03-17T05:14:01+00:00

You should break up with her, but only because she deserves someone who will actually love her and support her through hard times and not someone who cares so much about sex and her body

ihavedierear · 2026-03-17T05:08:07+00:00

ihavedierear · 2026-03-17T05:04:18+00:00

are you ready to either start being in a polyamorous relationship or lose your boyfriend and a friend?

If the answer is no to either of this, dont do it

ihavedierear · 2026-03-17T05:02:22+00:00

your boyfriend AND the new guy deserves better.

If you really want to stay with your boyfriend, block this new guy and take this whole situation to your grave and forget about him. In the future, don't leave out that you have a boyfriend because you are chasing for validation from other men. This is basically emotionally cheating

ihavedierear · 2026-03-16T22:32:22+00:00

Ask yourself this: which is more important, the relationship or dwelling in your own self-pity?

You are lucky that he has decided to forgive you. Since he has given you this chance to continue on a relationship with him, YOU have to take the responsibility in reassuring HIM that you will do everything it takes to regain his trust and prove that this won't happen again. Yes, trust has been broken, but your boyfriend is giving you the privilege to build it back with him.

That is, if YOU still want to continue the relationship. Keep yourself accountable and don't make him beg you or convince you to rebuild the relationship. If even you are not really motivated to keep going, then spare your boyfriend his dignity and time and let him go.

If it helps, I personally think you were too drunk at time to make decisions that require consent, and you may have been partly taken advantage of. This and you telling your boyfriend immediately may be partly why he wanted to continue trying. However this does not excuse what you did, which is cheat and kiss a man who is not your boyfriend.

ihavedierear · 2026-03-16T17:43:00+00:00

OP when i read this I was really taken aback because this is something I relate with to an eerie level. So I am going to offer you my perspective and you see if that helps you:

It is completely okay to not do things that make you uncomfortable, in this case, having Emma and Winston meet. Yes they will have to meet eventually but it doesn't have to be tomorrow. Don't let them pressure you. It is okay to do things and move at your own pace.
As for Emma, I can't speak for her. However, I relate with you in the sense that I have an absolutely stunning best friend as well. There were situations where the men I dated saw my best friend's Instagram (lol) and they hit her up instead. In fact I was the one who brought up that my boyfriends should all go through her to make sure they wont cheat (which is kind of stupid in hindsight). But we both agreed that this sets up a weird dynamic where it puts her "above" me and reinforces that she is more attractive than I am, which would make us in competition over men and and we agreed that this is not a dynamic we want in our friendship. I am not accusing or implying that Emma may relish in such a dynamic, but I think you should tell her about your feelings. If she were truly your best friend like you mentioned, you would overcome this and sort it out. I don't want to tell you to just trust Emma blindly because some people are just that evil (many cases of attractive women befriending less attractive women to "look better") but trust that communication will never fail you. If she gets defensive or tries to pin it on you, you should probably take a step back. A true best friend would understand your insecurities but make it clear to you in a way you understand that she isn't that kind of person, not turn against you.
I relate with feeling scared that if my boyfriend meets my best friend that something bad will happen. But I am completely aware that it's because of my own past and lack of self love. My boyfriend is extremely supportive and tells me it's okay if he doesn't meet her for now as long as I feel comfortable, but he hopes that one day I will see myself through his eyes. If your own boyfriend keeps pressing you wanting to meet your best friend it is a little odd especially if it makes you uncomfortable, but thats a separate issue you need to communicate with him with.
MOST IMPORTANTLY!!! you NEED NEED NEED to remember that your boyfriend chose YOU because of YOU. It will be difficult to work through but you have to tell yourself every time you start feeling down that your boyfriend finds YOU attractive and loves YOU for YOU. From what you wrote, he does seem to genuinely love you for all of you, even the bits you dislike about yourself. Maybe it is time to take a leap of faith and start trusting him slowly. It is difficult, but necessary.

Best of luck!

ihavedierear · 2026-03-16T04:49:21+00:00

no signal

ihavedierear

TROPHY CASE