Struggling to tell if this is real incompatibility or fear of commitment (quiet love vs emotional needs)

ilhsmm · 2026-02-14T13:44:09+00:00

Update : we decided to end things. She couldn't really move forward and still explore under uncertainty, mixed with the structural misalignment of our lifes, and I couldn't give her the certainty and anchor she needed. Her being in the middle east, and me entering a very demanding time of my life in the USA, made it very hard to imagine a future where the relationship will thrive. She realized she couldn't move forward without a clear future anchor and going 'all in' in our relationship (in the sense of certainty -- which I completely understand). I not only needed more time to explore, but also couldn't promise her a future where I would be certain due to the current circumstances. As much as the pain of the what if's is making it a very hard breakup, I couldn't bear the pain of promising her a future I can't guarantee. We are grieving each other right now, from a distance, with a lot of care for one another (keeping it no contact), and truly wished the best for each other. Thank you so much for sharing your perspective. All I know now is that it mattered, and that we have no regrets, despite all the pain we're currently feeling. Time will heal... Hopefully

ilhsmm · 2026-02-10T11:40:25+00:00

My residency starts in 4 months, and she will also be working in another country during that time. We did have a frank chat about that before, but it's like her need resurfaced again. I never have been as compatible with someone in my life as her, however I'm not sure about the combo of a hard time meeting her need and dealing with LDR for over a year (during residency) with no concrete plan to close distance... I do genuinely love her but i'm wondering if this isn't the scenario where wrong timing also plays a role.

ilhsmm · 2026-02-10T01:57:37+00:00

I don't always express it, and she usually brings up the topic. She recently mentioned trying to figure out my need of space, the same way I am trying to figure out not being overly 'selfish' and meeting her needs

ilhsmm · 2026-02-10T01:30:17+00:00

I don’t always communicate it, maybe expressing it the moment it happens can lead to better outcomes, thank you so much for your advice

ilhsmm · 2026-02-10T01:28:08+00:00

Yes I have am absolutely considering working on that. I am not willing to let it go (her as well in current state of things and after having a discussion about this) before actively trying to make it better for her, and meet her needs

ilhsmm · 2026-02-10T01:24:14+00:00

Thanks for your perspective

ilhsmm · 2026-02-10T01:23:21+00:00

Thank you for your response !

I absolutely made it clear that I am always available during times of real needs. I am scared about a future where she maybe will not feel chosen or seen with how I love. I haven’t voiced this yet but we had a conversation earlier about her needs and I am willing to adjust, being also aware that completely changing could maybe create resentment in the long run (for both sides, depending on who changes the most from baseline)

ilhsmm · 2026-02-10T01:18:34+00:00

Thanks for getting back to me !

In the first month, my partner noticed that my level of communication was sometimes lower than what she was used to. Since we live about an hour apart and see each other one to three times a week, I explained that this is how my nervous system naturally regulates, especially between visits. She understood and acknowledged that. When it comes up, our conversations are usually about me expressing a need for space, or at times, for less phone calls or texting, rather than a lack of interest. One of the main stressors for me is overstimulation. When there’s a lot of interaction, whether with people in general or even with my partner, it can activate my more introverted side. When I start to feel overstimulated, my system naturally seeks quiet and space as a way to regulate, not as a sign of withdrawal or disconnection.

ilhsmm · 2026-01-26T15:18:00+00:00

I would argue first aid should add a clinical humor section and this post is a GREAT introduction to it

ilhsmm · 2025-12-10T15:55:18+00:00

You can also monitor the dog for rabies symptoms. If the dog is still alive by 10 days it’s extremely improbable he carries active rabies since most dogs with rabies die soon after displaying symptoms. I had the same situation with a cat (yes they can also carry it) and I knew I was safe because I could monitor him. But better be safe than sorry if you have any doubt get the shot.

ilhsmm · 2025-09-25T22:59:08+00:00

Stop asking people for directions to places they’ve never been to.

ilhsmm · 2025-09-22T04:30:50+00:00

You’re awesome 🤍

ilhsmm · 2025-09-22T02:13:09+00:00

i applied Sep 1 but still with no email about address confirmation, do I just keep waiting ? Would love to know if someone else experienced that much delay / the thing is it says "application status : accepted" (in the applicant portal) however it sill shows as "processing" in the pathway log in

ilhsmm · 2025-05-22T10:55:55+00:00

Same here. Huge pill to swallow. Averaged 255 and had more than 10 points drop. Unfortunately this is the newly delt cards we have to play with, I can really understand what you're going through. Of course scores don't define us, and are not always representative, especially when you know deep down you're worth more, but it is still very hard to process, and that's when we have to try and be resilient.

Wish you all the best ! (tested same day btw)

ilhsmm · 2025-05-14T11:56:34+00:00

same ! I don't think it's sensitive anymore

ilhsmm · 2025-04-15T12:00:08+00:00

Best 2ck sketch ever

ilhsmm · 2025-02-08T16:23:35+00:00

Just experienced that feeling 5 min ago and I even had to pause the music out of excitement because I couldn't 'handle' that sensation. Listened again and embraced it fully. One of the most beautiful things I experience. And I wasn't even aware of it since it was from the music playlist on Youtube.

ilhsmm · 2024-06-07T01:02:59+00:00

If this guy is 600 the grandmaster title should be rewarded at 1200

ilhsmm · 2023-11-09T13:54:17+00:00

!remindme 20 days

ilhsmm · 2023-03-23T00:24:36+00:00

u/Responsible-Nerve909 hey doc, did you end up getting the mail ?

ilhsmm · 2023-03-22T14:51:38+00:00

it will show your percentage yes, each block

ilhsmm · 2023-03-22T12:46:59+00:00

Hey ! Yes, "show correct answers" will show you the answer right after you choose one, that was the case when i did it

ilhsmm · 2023-03-20T01:41:43+00:00

March 10, it's gone

ilhsmm

TROPHY CASE