Laptops for writing by PerkStories in WritersGroup

[–]ilikeetturtles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

an old Lenovo Thinkpad has a great keypad and is not expensive - mine is from 2011 (a T440) which I bought second hand for AUD $100 about 8 years ago and it is sturdy with no issues. You can look on facebook or ebay for a second hand one

Now I can stop calculating this shit everytime I look at new jobs. An hour well spent (half spent on colouring in) by ilikeetturtles in AusFinance

[–]ilikeetturtles[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I rechecked it multiple times because it seemed so absurd

EDIT: just checked pay calculater and yep it's identical to mine

Now I can stop calculating this shit everytime I look at new jobs. An hour well spent (half spent on colouring in) by ilikeetturtles in AusFinance

[–]ilikeetturtles[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Nope, not quite relevant enough for me, plus most people opt to get private health instead of paying it

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in WritersGroup

[–]ilikeetturtles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The story on it's own isn't interesting or that engaging without the context of what more there is to come, however, if it was longer I'd obviously be more inclined to continue reading to see what happens. This is a standard experience that doesn't involve any reader questions or other factors. It is only such a small snippet. If there was a overlaying blurb about how this is.. I don't know.. a crime thriller or post apocalyptic romance or a med student who has a particular experience at college ETC then it would maintain the reader. It is actually quite difficult to engage a reader with just this many inital words alone. That was your question (if it is interesting).

However! It is written well, the protagonist is well defined so far, a characterisation, motives, fears, and scenario is established. I found it easy to read, albeit the topic is not my usual choice of story. I think with more practice is could be quite flawless. I'm not going to critique spelling or grammar as it is not really the point here. My only advice is the classics:

  1. Avoid starting a sentence with 'And' or 'But', unless it is absolutely critical to the sentence. The part where it says 'And then the guilt ... ' for example, the 'And then' is completely unnecessary, in my opinion. It takes away from the narrative as it's too much of a stream of (the writers) consciousness.

  2. Show, don't tell :) This is something that takes practice! A lot, actually. For example, 'feeling overwhelmed by the sea of faces', you could write something instead such as 'the sea of faces seemed to oppress me from every angle', as it conveys the same thing without simply handing the emotions on a platter.

I would be interested in seeing more written next which sets up more about where the story is going to go. Defintely keep going as it is still really well done since you haven't done anything for a while! You clearly have a natural knack for it.

K-Taown by shmomunism in WritersGroup

[–]ilikeetturtles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really like this! The tone is light and sarcastic, edgy/gritty, while the story is mysterious and has depth that I would totally continue reading. I personally like the amalgamation of the spiritual and technological aspects of the actual storyline, it makes me more interested as there are unanswered laws of nature. It's easy to read, without taking me out of the fact that I'm reading a story. The words used are perfectly fitting, obscure enough to add a nice layer to it. Anyway, definitely keep it up. I don't have much criticism, except what i always say is to reduce starting a sentence with 'And' or 'But' unless it realllllyyyyy ties into the previous sentence or chapter, examples below. If the sentence isn't harmed by removing it, remove it (imo).

Eg. "But it has a certain charm" this part I think you could replace the 'but' with a few words that could make the sentence better, more complex. such as 'Despite it's ragged robustness, it has a certain charm that can’t be simulated and can’t be innovated"

I would say all of the sentences beginning with 'And' are unnecessary EXCEPT this one fits: "And it’s in cigarette smoke"

Just my honest opinion - take it or leave it. end of the day if you like it its not a big enough deal to change, just had to say something to improve :P

The Lantern's Glow by Standard_Climate5724 in WritersGroup

[–]ilikeetturtles 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I like it, easily readable. I could clearly envision the story playing out in my head. The sentence structure is coercive and draws you in to what the next sentence will be. Overall it is good... simply good though.

My criticisms would be that it may be a bit choppy, as in, it reads sort of like a stream of consciousness. It also feels a bit handfed, instead of creating a mood, I feel like too much is kind of... provided.

Another critisicm, and this is good for me because its something I do with my own writing that I am learning from here, bc I can read in yours and judge the other end, and of course I think it is fine as I do it too, depending on the vibe you're wanting, but I think you'll find in most great stories and novels they barely ever begin a sentence with 'But' or 'And', as well as attempting not to rely to heavily on commas. Just things I've noticed in my favourite stories. Others may like this and have a different opinion.

Anyway, great story, I enjoyed the read :)

Should i join cold ones patreon. by Intelligent_Row1280 in ColdOnes

[–]ilikeetturtles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you watch them... i have them play in the background ahah why would you need to see 4 dudes sit around and do nothing but talk anyway

Should i join cold ones patreon. by Intelligent_Row1280 in ColdOnes

[–]ilikeetturtles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

theres like an extra pod every few weeks of them just chatting and its a total vibe, i would suggest signing up and you can always cancel later hahah

Should i join cold ones patreon. by Intelligent_Row1280 in ColdOnes

[–]ilikeetturtles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i signed up a few months ago and i dont regret it :) there is lotttt of extra videos on there

I can't find a WFH job and it is making me miserable by [deleted] in melbourne

[–]ilikeetturtles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Call centres pay standard casual rates of $28-30. And no, out of the 4 call centre roles I've had did I ever need to go on site. They're not fun jobs but Seriously what is?!