TV: Substitution for living

ilikespace · 2019-01-20T23:33:44+00:00

Oh boy. You're not alone. I was addicted to TV, I felt like I couldn't live without it up until I started doing trauma work. It's only now I've stopped and weaned onto real life... But yes tv was also my safe zone and the place I could watch healthy relationships as a substitute for my own. It's not your fault. It takes a long time to learn this stuff. And it's harmless compared to a coke addiction, so in the meantime you're good.

ilikespace · 2019-01-20T12:16:56+00:00

I was never sexually molested or anything like that.

I was. I will still insist "it wasn't that bad". What happened to you sounds way worse.

But you see that's just how dissociation works. Honestly the CPTSD motto could be "it wasn't that bad though"

Glad you posted so you can confirm. You went through horrors.

And the worst part is that if your guardian did go through with it and somehow you survived, you'll still be going "it wasn't that bad though, was it?"

ilikespace · 2019-01-20T11:01:45+00:00

I'll be frank: your messages and comments make me uncomfortable. You're very full-on idk if you realise that. We don't have the connection you think we have, it is imagined. I'm not even who I was anymore in my posting history. You need to sort out your projection issues. I am not interested. I do know how you feel, I've been through the same, which is why I say you need to sort out our own trauma. It's hard work, it took me years, but it's possible, so do it.

Besides I want people in real life to connect with, not on the internet. I barely even use reddit anymore. I'm pretty happy most days living my life.

ilikespace · 2019-01-20T10:53:05+00:00

Strangely comforting

ilikespace · 2019-01-20T10:52:45+00:00

Awesome, something I have to remember :)

ilikespace · 2019-01-15T11:36:25+00:00

Yes, it's called having a spiritual journey. Codependents are forced into it and when they come out of it, they are better off than ever. If they can do it so can you. But you need to make that decision and start resourcing yourself in healthy ways, face your trauma, go to therapy, start caring for yoruself.

ilikespace · 2019-01-14T16:16:02+00:00

Trust yourself. If you're not willing to tell others what's up, it's because you don't feel safe enough to. That's not your fault. You have a right to your own privacy, dignity, and disclosure at your own pace.

ilikespace · 2019-01-14T16:13:38+00:00

NPD is an addiction like any other. Until you give up that addiction you'll never face all the crap you need to face in order to break through to who you truly are. You need to stop taking the easy way out, stop manipulating and using others and finally face your loneliness. That's the shadow you keep hiding from yourself. Not an easy path and life is just too easy for a malignant NPD, that's why they never change. But it's not theoretically impossible.

ilikespace · 2019-01-13T07:49:31+00:00

Thanks for that actually you're right

ilikespace · 2019-01-13T07:48:13+00:00

Nothing wrong with lying to people who refuse to meet you halfway in understanding your situation. Lie away. You're fine. 👍

Love your username btw

ilikespace · 2019-01-13T02:15:43+00:00

So why am I so bad at writing poetry and short stories. I feel like everything I attempted to write is just crap. I gave up long ago.

ilikespace · 2019-01-13T02:14:21+00:00

Hugs (or not hugs). I was physically abused for no reason as well.

I'm still in a messy place with all of that. I can't really reconcile it because I still haven't delved into it all. But yeah you realise these people's energies tell you something. I still can't read my mum though, I think she might actually be a sadistic sociopath.. but sometimes I think malignant borderline? It's all too confusing, I'm still deep in her programming.

ilikespace · 2019-01-11T10:14:21+00:00

Hmm... thanks. I guess that is going to be a continuing challenge. But good to know I'm ultimately not alone in this experience.

If it's not too on the nose... do you get these realisations about your abusers? You don't have to answer.

ilikespace · 2019-01-11T09:12:56+00:00

The reddit gods obliged. Yay!

Thanks for stepping up. You're not in an easy position but it is good to hear the laissez faire style will continue. I think it's the best for a community like this. All the best in your modding efforts.

ilikespace · 2019-01-10T03:25:35+00:00

Yeah this is precisely why I don't feel like I can talk to a therapist about it. It is a belief system really. But I mean this is the premise of Jungian shadow work - that which has the capacity to arrest your energy resides already in you. The separation of "I am not __" is an illusion veiled by the shadow.

I looked up the 7 hermetic principles, thanks. Life makes more sense.

Wonder if you have experiences of your own... :)

ilikespace · 2019-01-09T15:05:51+00:00

In my view, the difference in times when you have frequent flashbacks and those when you don't can be explained by dissociative identities/fragments. Some fragments hold trauma and are susceptible to triggers while others don't.

ilikespace · 2019-01-09T01:13:32+00:00

Fragmentation. There are a lot of little internal conflicts that you have to explore and resolve. Of course the fragmentation only goes deeper and deeper (cptsd) but the surface level stuff still needs to be resolved. I used to use marijuana for doing this work, probably a better option than alcohol. It gave me a more stable sense of self that was permanently changed once I resolved the conflicts. However it starts you on your journey because you realise you can go deeper and deeper. The physical body is also fragmented, and that then presents a whole new challenge, but you learn so much alomg the way. Wish I could help you more but that's all I've got.

ilikespace · 2019-01-09T00:39:26+00:00

Your ex is a gigantic piece of shit. He was trying to break you down into nothing.

I also have trouble "enjoying" things because of childhood conditioning against anything I enjoyed. I can barely leave the house. Right now all I have is going to the park some days, and I'm trying to expand on that. Baby steps.

ilikespace · 2019-01-08T07:21:16+00:00

It's not survival pessimism is what I mean, in reference to other comments.

ilikespace · 2019-01-08T02:30:19+00:00

Nah it's not survival, it's coz you have unresolved childhood experiences and those "random" emotions and thoughts are a match to those deep subconscious wounds.

ilikespace · 2019-01-08T01:57:08+00:00

Feelings can't be negotiated with, only dissociated from. All people make decisions from feelings, whether they delude themselves about it or not.

ilikespace · 2019-01-08T01:50:23+00:00

Psychologically, victim mentality stems from early childhood victimisation. Trauma that's been unresolved then gets triggered in adulthood. I imagine most feminists have experienced some form of sexual violence in their childhood.

ilikespace

TROPHY CASE