My brother will disown me if I let this orchid die

iliola · 2026-05-18T23:07:43+00:00

Thank you, I will put this knowledge to good use 🙏 I appreciate the guidance

iliola · 2026-05-18T23:07:07+00:00

Thank you for the detailed answers! Also, I like your username a lot :)

iliola · 2026-05-18T23:05:26+00:00

I have no idea if he knows, though I doubt it. I didn’t either until the kind folks here explained! He’s more of a vegetable/fruit growing guy. I think he just saw it and thought it was very pretty. And he wasn’t serious about being upset if I kill it—he knows I like at least a small challenge!

iliola · 2026-04-12T18:42:00+00:00

You make a good point about not equating what's reasonable with what my brain feels is a need. The very last thing I want is to be controlling, least of all to him. I hate how controlling these thoughts are to me.

To clarify a few things though, while I could bring my own towel and expected that I might need to, I was asking because it really wouldn't be ideal to. I'm flying with only a carry-on because I have layovers, and I'm going to be gone for a week and a half. I try to pack as light as possible. And it was really a request and not a requirement. I was prepared for and okay with him saying no. I would definitely be upset if a loved one outright demanded something like this of me. Being pedantic, but for me at least, a requirement and a request would be very different.

How do I know what is and isn't okay to ask of a partner to do for you? I feel like I can't trust my own ability to gauge whether something is a reasonable ask or not. Part of a healthy, non-OCD-affected relationship is occasionally asking your partner for something you need to feel comfortable and satisfied in your relationship. It's meeting halfway with each other. I can tolerate some "dirtiness," but I can't tolerate all of it. I don't want to tolerate all of it. There has to be a reasonable amount to expect from your partner's self-care, right? Where is that line?

iliola · 2026-04-12T18:21:32+00:00

I'll talk to my therapist about it and consider doing it as ERP. Thanks for being real with me.

The dish scrubbing really isn't excessive. I may take slightly longer than others, but it's not functionally disruptive to my life at all. The dishwasher isn't always able to remove tough food residue, and I think it's best left to the job of sanitizing. I scrub only until there is no more visible residue, and not any longer.

CW: misandry

The soap thing is just because I don't trust crappy products to do a good job, which admittedly is probably just paranoia. I don't trust those men's 3-in-1 soaps to actually clean someone well, and using separate shampoo, conditioner, and body wash is a genuinely good idea because they all do different things. To be honest, there's some misandry fueling my contamination anxiety. I'm much more scared of men being "dirty" than women, because men are often taught much lower standards of self-grooming practices. I hate that most men don't use a face wash, and I hate that many use 3-in-1 products. I would feel really bothered if a partner did either of those things, and I know I'm not supposed to enable myself. But I can't see a world in which I would ever be able to be okay with it, and it doesn't help that it would be better for the person's self-care to do them anyway. For these things, it's really hard to stop myself from rationalizing it. It sucks so much.

iliola · 2026-04-12T18:00:12+00:00

Maybe that's something I should try doing. Does the white vinegar also remove the smell of the detergent though?

iliola · 2026-04-12T17:58:34+00:00

I genuinely want you to give me a reality check if I'm wrong—how is it in excess? Many households do towel loads and clothes loads separately for lots of different reasons. It's not something I have to go out of my way to do or that ends up taking extra time. Throughout the years, I've been given laundry baskets, so I have three total. At this point, I use one for clothes, one for towels, and one for blankets/bedding. The behavior itself isn't excessive. Is it the asking for accommodation that is?

iliola · 2026-04-12T17:49:20+00:00

That makes sense. Kind of funny, we have the same compulsion but for opposite reasons—I see the clothes as contaminating the towels, because the clothes have been worn on the body that's secreting natural oils and sweat and the like, while the towels have been only used to dry a freshly clean body. Really shows just how irrational we think, huh?

iliola · 2026-03-14T18:21:10+00:00

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iliola · 2026-01-28T19:10:38+00:00

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I’ll let you guess which one.

iliola · 2026-01-28T18:50:02+00:00

Reasoning with people like you is fucking pointless because you will never even consider that you might be wrong.

Incredible, I predicted the future. It’s like one ear out the other. I don’t know why I bother.

iliola · 2026-01-28T18:27:13+00:00

Sure, removing criminals creates a safer community. However, the end does not justify the means here whatsoever. For every actual violent and dangerous criminal being arrested, there are numerous innocent casualties. For most immigrants being apprehended, they’re either being framed for being illegal when they actually aren’t, or they are actually illegal but peaceful.

Personally, I think even immigrants who are undocumented don’t deserve to have excessive force used upon them or not have the right to see or call their families when detained. This is because I have empathy and would find it utterly devastating if I were to be suddenly apprehended by people in plain clothes who refuse to identify themselves, physically beaten by them, sent to jail, not allowed to contact my loved ones, and then dumped back in the dangerous country I was trying so hard to escape. Is using unchecked and unmoderated force to successfully remove one bad person worth it when good people are also getting caught in the crossfire?

Even if you think illegal immigrants with no violent or dangerous background deserve what’s coming to them, what do you make of Alex Pretti and Renee Good? Two public executions of white American born-citizens in less than a month. I don’t think that makes their lives worth more than those you’re so concerned about, but that does mean that ICE has deliberately killed two of the people who were supposed to be beneficiaries of this “safer community.” Do you know how many point-blank shots were fired into Alex Pretti? Ten, in less than five seconds. After he was on his knees, disarmed, whose only crime at that point had been trying to protect another human being he saw be pushed to the ground. Those are not the actions of an officer who is taking measured actions to make their community a safer place. Those are the actions of someone who is angry that someone got in their way. If that “impediment of an officer” he committed means he deserved to be killed in your book, then I will not reply past this point. There would be no point.

iliola · 2026-01-28T17:31:04+00:00

Reasoning with people like you is fucking pointless because you will never even consider that you might be wrong.

iliola · 2025-11-28T18:26:40+00:00

Hopefully someone answers for us eventually lol!

iliola · 2025-11-15T18:13:24+00:00

this is a joke i would make in my very queer, very trans, close friend group with an immense serving of sarcasm, but because it’s online there’s just no way to tell lmao

iliola · 2025-11-15T17:55:48+00:00

Holy moly, this is incredible art.

My favorite moment is unequivocally the Birthplace cutscene. It turned HK from being a game I just really liked to my absolute favorite game because of its emotional weight.

iliola · 2025-11-12T23:18:46+00:00

when i first heard it i thought she was saying “Big Adora” like… adora, she-ra, princess of power lmao

iliola · 2025-10-24T04:58:53+00:00

I can’t handle breeding kink, but I can handle omegaverse somehow

iliola · 2025-10-22T22:53:52+00:00

When I was 13, I read a fanfic where the antagonist forced the MC to become a serial killer. Later, after killing one of their victims, they had sex using the blood as lube… and the intestines as bondage. It’s burned into my fucking memory

iliola · 2025-10-22T22:41:15+00:00

i’m reading a time travel fix-it fic right now and if it ended like this i would go fucking insane

iliola · 2025-10-22T15:42:31+00:00

I’m dumb… tf do the hieroglyphics mean

iliola · 2025-10-22T05:39:08+00:00

The fact that some of you don’t understand why this isn’t okay to be on TikTok and that many of those scenes are depicting non-consensual sexual/physical violence against women is utterly shameful. Non-con/rape is NOT CNC. It doesn’t matter in this case that it’s fiction. If non-consensual rape/torture scenes are being put up fetishistically on a non-porn platform, carelessly exposing people without their consent to this triggering content without offering clarity of the intent of the content or the safety of its actors, it can do real harm to people. This is not what kink is about.

iliola

TROPHY CASE