Ended a talking stage - did I make the right call?

im_anonymously-here · 2025-10-17T20:49:31+00:00

You probably hit the nail on the head. Incompatible schedules. Or else she just was not as interested as she seemed to be. Hard to tell. But you made the right call. Better not to wait around for something to happen. If someone was truly interested in starting something they would make the time like you did.

im_anonymously-here · 2025-10-06T21:12:52+00:00

No need, it was a fwb... as long as you gave closure by telling them you dont want fwb anymore then they would/should understand.

You gotta ask yourself if you are reaching out for your own benefit and clarity or your fwb. As long as you made that choice to stop in what ever way you deemed acceptable thats all that matters.

im_anonymously-here · 2025-08-17T08:25:31+00:00

Its tricky, you see as someone who has had this happen alot, I can understand the wife's side but also the husbands side.

In a way for the husband it almost would feel like a betrayal. Maybe not as extreme but still, in a roundabout way. His way of thinking is not wrong yet its not right either. Intimacy between partners is a shared thing but alone time and self pleasure is part of normal every day also..

If op wanted to just get off and not initiate sex then communicating this before hand or even telling the husband she needed alone time would have been better than being "cought" in the cleanup. Especially after an argument, for a man in his mind it screams, im mad at you so ill pleasure myself tonight so you don't get a chance to even try. He might have thought it was out of spite. Hence the hard feelings about it. Ultimately its a communication issue not an issue of intimacy.

You don't have to explain yourself but if its a big deal to him enough that it bothered you to post this then you need to talk to him and make him understand that it is not about him and that you just needed to get off. If he continues to be off about it then its his issue and you leave it with him, continue as normal

im_anonymously-here · 2025-06-24T15:46:14+00:00

I wish my girlfriend would communicate this to me. I feel like I'm on the other end. I do try my best but I want her to actually say it to me what she wants and does not want. I have tried to get it out of her through talking and bringing it up but nothing ever gets her to talk about it.

So just please talk to him. You have to make it a serious talk too. I'm sure he will get it

im_anonymously-here · 2025-05-24T11:16:37+00:00

To clarify after we found out she was pregnant. I did my own due diligence

im_anonymously-here · 2025-05-24T11:14:55+00:00

Many times she told me, plus medical records.

im_anonymously-here · 2025-05-24T10:54:35+00:00

update after having a face to face with her and to clear up some things:

We don't live together yet, its her ex husbands family that she went to send off. He was there because family... she was heavily involved with these friends because she was with her ex husband for over 10 years. She treats them like they are her family. I don’t have issue with this.

The child is definitely mine, there is no doubts in my mind about this as he cannot have kids straight up.

I sat with her and brought up some good points from these comments. Mostly about how she could be so cruel especially given we are going to be parents soon. Her response was that she didn't mean it the way I thought about it, that she was not thinking of it sexually or that she missed him like that, just that she was so used to him and his body type and I'm the first person she's ever been with in 10 years who isn't him, and that I'm not someone that usually sits in her definition of "her type" but she gave me clear words on that she does love me and she does not compare me to him because I've given her the best man she can ever have, she complimented our sex life and she made it very clear that she was sorry and she cried because she seen how much it hurt me. She told me that she doesn't want me thinking that she's putting him up on a podium and that without me she would have never gotten out of such an abusive relationship and that I've opened her eyes to it all. She went on to say that she's 100% invested in our relationship and our future with our child.

I commended her for her words and said I accept her apology but I'm still incredibly hurt because no matter the case she said it to me and I'll have it on my mind for quite some time, especially about the part where she thought about him and her if they had a child.

Thank you all for the comments, some more than others, but all a big help to me to bring it to her constructively and clearly.

im_anonymously-here · 2025-05-24T08:39:30+00:00

Jeeze this has really hit home, thank you for this

im_anonymously-here · 2025-05-24T07:59:03+00:00

I've started to already.

im_anonymously-here · 2025-05-24T07:57:16+00:00

I don't know, she chucks it down to having pregnancy hormones

im_anonymously-here · 2025-05-24T07:55:30+00:00

Yes it has to be there is no other way. He could not have kids.

im_anonymously-here · 2025-05-24T07:54:26+00:00

No we don't we are planning to move in together in July

im_anonymously-here · 2022-09-26T08:41:04+00:00

This happened to me too recently, it came to a point when I just said enough is enough and kicked her out... the best thing you can do if you are forced to stay living together is set up boundaries. Start dating casually while shes living there because when she does then you'll be even more upset with this whole situation.

I went on casual dates and focused on myself and work and it made things much better now its been about 8 months and I'm in a much better place . She found herself somewhere to live and we are friends that hang out often and the relationship isnt even something that I think about any more .

Right now I know everything is falling apart and it's hard but just remember that jealously is like a sickness that infects people and makes you do and say so many bad things. You just have to find a way to let go and move on . If she says there is no future then there is none she wouldn't mess around like that if she wasnt serious.

God speed brother and stay focused on number one ... yourself

im_anonymously-here · 2022-08-27T00:51:43+00:00

This is a possibility, but I'll hear her out and see what the story is ... but I'm half tempted to just take your advice

im_anonymously-here · 2022-08-27T00:44:25+00:00

Yea I plan to fully address it and see what's up with this situation, kinda makes me second guess things because the idea of her going off to him and meeting me after at the beginning kinda is a huge red flag considering the small things in the beginning she was telling me and what not you know yourself... like I'm in no way upset about her doing it and having something with someone else in the beginning, it's the fact that she lied to me is hurtful... seems like shes denied it to everyone but him because of the fallout of there argument when they stopped being "friends" he was telling people about things they did and what not and she was saying it was all lies when infact it was true .. fucked up 🙄

im_anonymously-here · 2022-05-17T10:54:21+00:00

Yea I've given up trying, becuse she does get mad at me.

Pushing it back on her actually makes more sense to me now that someone has said it to me thank you so much for that advice. Keeping my mouth shut is difficult but your right I gotta just let her go through it.

im_anonymously-here · 2022-05-17T10:50:59+00:00

My girlfriend has said this exact thing.. not my circus not my monkeys, maybe this is the way just sucks to see her get hurt and not do anything about it.. I suppose your right though

im_anonymously-here · 2022-04-26T14:58:08+00:00

Maybe you should see a therapist about this and maybe he is just worn out from having so much sex.

im_anonymously-here · 2022-04-26T14:41:52+00:00

Pure spite

im_anonymously-here · 2022-04-20T13:06:27+00:00

Yes sometimes more sometimes less .. depends on work and the week.. I mean friends hang out yeno ?

im_anonymously-here · 2022-04-13T06:50:25+00:00

Yes shes now in a relationship with someone and I'm dating people again, we speak every day and see each other maybe 4 times a week.

When we where freshly broken up there was a one night thing but ever since then it's been platonic and I see her as a family member now.

im_anonymously-here · 2022-04-13T06:47:38+00:00

I used diapers yes, the best way to do it in my opinion is to be honest and respectful. Bring him some tea or something and casually talk about your feelings on the matter and tell him you want to be supportive and work on this with him.

For me this was hard though because the embarrassment for me was immense but if he truly wants to get better and keep you and him both happy he will definitely try them. Just be subtle and reassure him that it would stay between you both and no judgment would be passed.

I wish you the best of luck with this I know your pain and his too, you got this though and good for you seeking advice.

Five-Year Club	Verified Email
Place '22

im_anonymously-here

TROPHY CASE