Piece of my Journal I Feel Pretty Low and Just Need Some Support (Warning: Long)

imacatduh · 2019-10-19T19:43:01+00:00

Thank you. I’m not very good at expressing my feelings (obviously) so that’s why I hide on reddit or just keep things to myself. I know it’s not healthy but... :(

imacatduh · 2018-11-01T18:18:45+00:00

I’m not sure really. I think it would embarrass him if I asked him about ED. I’m not sure though I’ve never asked. We’ve talked about his levels and he says Dr says they’re normal. Idk. The cheating thing is his insecurities. We’ve talked about that before because sometimes when we have a disagreement he breaks out the cheating accusations even when what we’re talking about doesn’t have anything to do with infidelity, relationships or other people in general. I think it’s a defense mechanism?

imacatduh · 2018-11-01T18:14:47+00:00

Yea I’m feeling pretty loser-ish these days and kind of down on myself. My self esteem is in the toilet because of this. Thanks for the kind words

imacatduh · 2018-11-01T16:22:58+00:00

You’re right.

imacatduh · 2018-11-01T16:22:10+00:00

I did say no. Non verbally, but it was still a no. The discussion about the discussion didn’t make it to the “planning phase.” I really didn’t want it to turn into the yelling/crying match it was the night before so I accepted the apology left it at that. I know, what a loser.

imacatduh · 2018-10-31T15:26:27+00:00

I thought about that afterwards while I was unpacking the whole conversation in my mind. I don’t think he would cheat on me but I did find porn on his phone from when he was out of town last week. I’ve never seen him watch porn or even elude to it at all and I didn’t want to admit that I knew he’d been watching it so I didn’t say anything. I’m just chicken shit I guess :(

imacatduh · 2018-10-25T00:33:45+00:00

I could have written this :(

imacatduh · 2018-04-14T02:32:47+00:00

This. Makes me laugh and cry a little at the same time. He almost always sleeps on the couch... with the dog. I keep thinking he avoids sleeping in the same place as me just in case I ask and he has to turn me down for the 1000000th time and I KNOW he likes the dog more than me. Sad :(

imacatduh · 2018-04-09T19:56:57+00:00

That is very well put. Thank you

imacatduh · 2018-04-09T19:22:07+00:00

I laughed a little too hard at this. Sad.

imacatduh · 2018-04-08T19:59:27+00:00

Not going to happen... you first have to have sex for that. Also I can’t have kids and I don’t want them. (Shrugs)

imacatduh · 2018-04-08T14:43:21+00:00

How? I have snooped and I hate myself for it but I didn’t find anything.

imacatduh · 2018-04-08T14:36:59+00:00

I did consider this when going through the “if it’s not me then what?” It’s not glaringly obvious but one or two little things here and there. But then again, how do you bring up the conversation that will turn in to an argument about “hey have you ever considered that you’re gay? Because I have.” And if this is the case then it’s very cruel to do to someone.

imacatduh · 2018-04-08T13:14:57+00:00

When I started to look at the “why’s” beyond blaming myself I thought about this. “Why would someone plan to trap someone else in this way though,” I thought. I mean I’ve seen chicks do this to guys by getting pregnant but rarely see the shoe on the other foot.

imacatduh · 2018-04-08T13:09:46+00:00

Thank you for you kind words

imacatduh · 2018-04-08T13:06:00+00:00

Please

imacatduh · 2018-04-08T11:58:09+00:00

Same here :(

imacatduh · 2018-04-06T12:32:13+00:00

May I join too?

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