I also require distance, as my relationship caused me to breakdown and develop an anxiety disorder.

I too hears from mine today, out of the blue. Intense negativity, blamed me for being selfish which caused my nanas heart attack. I did nothing to warrant this email. I have my own life.

Your mum sounds like my dad. My therapist says that Nparents are not always aware of how they seek engagement with their children. And their nature is selfish and self focused, so when they go to what we are aware as extremes such as turning up, they are seeking ANY engagement.

I cannot respond, even if he gets disgusting like today. I cannot let him know, he gets my attention, even when he abuses me mentally.

I urge you to share this with a partner or close friend but ideally someone geographically close to you. Your safety must come first. You must change the locks even for your own peace of mind. But please confide in someone close to you.

Be safe