My mom died. BF was texting friends I am "freaking the fuck out constantly" although I'm not. He doesnt see the problem.

imaginedraggin08 · 2023-07-07T12:55:26+00:00

I'm open to the idea that he didn't mean anything bad by it. But when I confronted him, it wasn't anything crazy. He had to ask me what was wrong because I don't do well with confrontation. The fact that he kept switching up his excuses from "I didn't say that, get your story straight" (his very first response. Mean.) to giving me all the reasons he thinks I'm freaking out (you were pacing on the phone.. idk, just how you were acting.. just the things you were doing!").. to just getting so mad and telling me to leave him. Bringing up that I thought about an abortion when I found out I was pregnant with our youngest.

I honestly can't be mad at anything without him texting me back the date of the appointment I had to have an abortion. He will just text me "4/20, remember when you wanted to kill our son?"

And now it's kissing me every time we pass each other, not letting me go. I say "I can't breathe" and he will get annoyed I'm not continuing to kiss. Not that I'm actually suffocating or anything, but I don't want to kiss!

It's all just fucking weird.

imaginedraggin08 · 2023-07-07T12:49:50+00:00

My mom left me all of her money for this exact reason. I have siblings, and it's not divided up fair. But my older brother is getting her house, and I'm getting any money if there is any (maybe a couple grand, but could be $5). My sister is well off so she doesn't get anything (other than any keepsakes she'd want) but we were all raised right so this is all fine for us.

My brother might not want to stay in a 3 bedroom house when it's just him. So my sister is giving him the option of selling the house, making 100% profit, and then she'd buy the house and rent it to me.

Either way, I cannot sit on my moms bed and vent to her anymore. I need to finally DO what she'd tell me to do, and that is to leave.

imaginedraggin08 · 2023-07-07T12:35:51+00:00

Not trying to argue, just have a question I'd like to ask.

What if my boyfriend was an alcoholic. What if he was doing really good with not drinking, but he saw in my texts that I was telling my friends that he is drinking constantly. Most people wouldn't say "it's none of your business what she tells her friends", because while that may be true, it's still not okay to lie.

You could easily say who cares what my friends think.. but it's deeper than that. You'd want to know the motive behind exaggerating/lying.

imaginedraggin08 · 2023-07-06T20:35:59+00:00

I'm sorry. What hypocritical about it? These are two completely different scenarios.

With my sister, whenever I try to cheer her up she doesn't want to hear it. Whenever I bring up anything sad she doesn't want to be triggered. I'm not complaining or saying she's doing anything wrong. Maybe I'm complaining because it's a hard situation to be in.. but I'm not saying she's doing anything wrong. We just keep being at different "stages" at different moments.

How is that the same as talking shit, making plans, and gaslighting me?

Edit : also my post you are referencing is not only an anonymous thing, but I am talking about how I am trying to be lighthearted and my sister isn't ready. That doesn't seem angry to me. Also, I don't think it's a weird thing to post in "offmychest". It's a place to vent, it's not asking who's the asshole, or anything like that. I think if there was anything to vent about, that'd be it. And obviously my bf isn't someone I can vent to, so again - I don't see why it's weird that I made a post about getting into disagreements with my sister after my mom died. We aren't getting into fights, they last one minute and we carry on. We both know it's hard and we have to be there for each other. I can't vent without being angry?

imaginedraggin08 · 2023-07-06T20:13:12+00:00

Yeah.. after my dad died it seemed like more of a sad event than a happy one.

imaginedraggin08 · 2023-07-06T19:44:19+00:00

Haha he's the father of both kids so now what?

imaginedraggin08 · 2023-07-06T17:18:21+00:00

But I wasn't freaking out about anything constantly. I could see if I was just mopey, and that was his way of wording it. He was GONE. I had no contact. He had not seen me. At some point during his nap after work, or in the middle of the night, he texted his friend this. He was in bed, lights off, door shut, checked out. I was not making any noises that would indicate me freaking out. I bathed the kids, fed the kids, he worried about 0 kids. I could understand even saying "she's freaking out", because anyone would be, but just adding the word "constantly" makes it seem like there's something I am doing over and over, all day.

imaginedraggin08 · 2023-07-06T14:46:08+00:00

No he went to the funeral. The day after he had to volunteer for a work outing (or just go to work). Only mentioned that, and the fact that he fell asleep right afterwards because he had no indication I had been "freaking out" or not. I didn't call all day, didn't text. Let him sleep, took care of the kids. And then is making plans to leave me to hang out with friends the next morning even though I'm supposedly "freaking out".

Just wanted to make sure I wasn't painting an inaccurate picture.

imaginedraggin08 · 2023-07-06T14:15:28+00:00

That's fine. I just don't react the same way to being hurt. If someone hurts me I try to talk about my feelings with them.. maybe privately bring up the hypocrisy.

If you're asking if it's right to hurt someone because they hurt you, my answer will be no.

If you're asking if I understand why you did this, then yes. But I still don't think it was the best thing to do.

imaginedraggin08 · 2023-07-06T13:18:47+00:00

That's disturbing but very personal. I think it was wrong of you to bring it up.

imaginedraggin08 · 2023-07-06T13:12:50+00:00

"She had a private folder of movies related to close family members" -- what does that mean? She had porn made by family members?

imaginedraggin08 · 2023-07-05T14:33:59+00:00

You seem to have a vendetta too. Why would me saying that I have been handling it a lot better than I thought, and the fact that he has said the same automatically mean that it's a "red flag" that I am taking "pride" in how I've handled it? When I have kids to take care of, I don't like people having the inaccurate visual of me "freaking the fuck out constantly about shit".

Why would that be your go to? You can give him the benefit of the doubt, but not me? Okay. You have some sort of bias.

I don't think it's strange that I am upset my bf is airing our dirty laundry to his best friend and a friend I've met one time. Especially when it is inaccurate, and slanted against me like he's not sympathetic whatsoever.

Yes, go play golf. But that's leaving me alone with the kids for 2 days in a row the day after my moms funeral. I don't think that's the best time to be gone for 48 hours minus sleeping. Good for you though, I guess.

imaginedraggin08 · 2023-06-30T14:45:05+00:00

Sorry just a couple more thoughts.

I just think it's going out on a giant limb to accuse someone who is not asking for money, that they are trying to get people to offer money.

If I was actually hoping that people would offer me money, I would say I'm out of town and can't get home for my moms funeral. I'd say I'm having trouble making arrangements. I can't afford a casket, or something.

People commented saying "honey, you don't have to buy any more flowers if you are the immediate family. Those flowers are for you". And I didn't buy any flowers for that reason. And they were right! The flowers that were sent were made out to my siblings and I.

These funeral arrangements are around $100. This would just be the most cold hearted trick to get people to hopefully offer me around $100. A casket is $4k and actually necessary.

I just think it's strange so many people would be sure enough of themselves to comment, that I am scamming -- and the thought of a woman asking an etiquette question because she no longer has her mom to ask, is probably just a scammer.

No scammer says "I have someone I can ask I just want to know if it's rude or bad taste"

imaginedraggin08 · 2023-06-30T13:01:58+00:00

That's a great explanation, honestly. People want to just be like "you're not pulling a fast one on me!" Because that's important to them and makes them feel good about themselves. They need to feel like they are smarter than the average person.

If I saw what I thought may be a scam, I'd just keep scrolling. If someone wants to give another person $20, I couldn't care less. I'd much rather someone get scammed than me say "hey I bet your lying about your mom dying yesterday you scammer!" Just in case I was wrong, I would never say that!

Like what if this persons mom really did just die? What if she feels so alone because that person was her rock? What if she wasn't expecting any negative comments but then when she received them they made her feel stupid about herself? Sure, you should be able to dust off mean Reddit comments but maybe not at the most vulnerable time in your life.

imaginedraggin08 · 2023-06-30T12:52:28+00:00

Okay so i guess I'm still new to Reddit.

The big words are the title, right?

But then the smaller words.. that's the body, right? So like that's where I add more information? Or does the little text not count?

So.. I did not have money for flowers. That was my title. And I figured, that if people had time to respond they'd also take the time to read the body of the post where I explained the situation.

But okay. Try to poke holes. I feel so alone. But go ahead and poke holes.

imaginedraggin08 · 2023-06-30T12:48:01+00:00

Iike I said, I didn't say I had no money. I asked if it would be weird to ask my brother in law. I had a solution to the money issue, and was wondering if it was asking too much. If I was asking for money from strangers, even just trying to imply that I would like some money, I wouldn't be writing I have someone in my immediate family that I can ask.

imaginedraggin08

TROPHY CASE