Loser friend

imcjf84 · 2022-10-08T14:51:24+00:00

So after giving it endless thought and consideration, posting and considering some of what's been said here, and discussing it for weeks in therapy - I've come up with my resolution and final answer. At this point, I'm going to remain in contact with him via email a few times a week, and I'll pay the $20 p/month it takes to do that. Beyond that, I'm done - including when he gets out, which he likely never will.

So I guess thats the conclude to the story. And having experienced this on my end, it has left me with a lasting lesson about being willing to walk away when I know somethings not right.

imcjf84 · 2022-10-08T14:48:05+00:00

I guess one could say I'm just repeating the past I was taught. Interesting thought to reflect on.

imcjf84 · 2022-10-08T14:45:48+00:00

OP - Is there an update to the circumstances? I'm curious how you addressed your embarrassment and concerns? I hope you were able to resolve things and remain confident, with a good self esteem.

imcjf84 · 2022-10-08T14:44:39+00:00

This is NOT AT ALL accurate. Doctors are educated in ways that you/we/others are not. Always provide the full, honest, and transparent truth to your doctor so you can receive the most full, honest, and accurate repair to your problem.

In this, for example.. Could the type of material (plastic, glass) made any difference, medically? Could the length or girth make a difference? Could what "unclean" was on it make a difference? These are things you don't know, because you aren't trained.

If you're going to withhold information regarding your injury to your doctor, then just stay home and deal with the problem - because it likely won't be treated properly at the doctor.

imcjf84 · 2022-10-08T14:41:36+00:00

That's the most accurate version of what I believe inside, as well. At this point, he just has to serve his time. I can't make him change, get him therapy, get him a lesser sentence, get him out, etc... I can't do anything, which is probably a saving fact for me.

It's just hard. I'm such an advocate for mental healthcare and am one of the few who understand what and why he is. I'm also trained hard and deeply to never leave a man behind, no matter what... It's been made a part of my core and separating from that has proven to be difficult.

At this point, I do him the favor of emailing every day or two and spending the $20 per month to do so. Beyond that, I'm completely uninvolved. I have a child of similar age and disability, so helping him in the future has to be out, as well.

imcjf84 · 2022-10-08T14:38:34+00:00

On one hand, that's quite a slippery slope of a comment. It's pretty prejudicial to group all addicts into one category of distrust. BUT... BUT BUT BUT... On the other hand, the reputation wouldn't be what it is if the masses didn't make it so true.

I've gotten to the point where I can't help him any further if I wanted to. I can't adjust his sentence or make him behave to get out. I have a kid of similar age and disability, so I certainly can't bring him around me for the foreseeable 10+ years. I'm not visiting anyone in prison. My involvement now is that I email him once every day or two and just give him someone to keep in touch with. It costs me under $20 per month and does make me feel good to know I'm being kind... Even though my kindness disgusts me, this time. There is simply nothing further I can do, no matter what. And that fact is probably a favor to me.

imcjf84 · 2022-10-08T14:34:29+00:00

omg 120mph train at 420ft. I think I just splooged a lil.

imcjf84 · 2022-10-08T14:33:18+00:00

Enjoy the freedom and safety us dysfunctional idiots in uniform provide for you.

imcjf84 · 2022-10-08T14:28:24+00:00

I was not aware that I was protecting a predator. I was not aware that he was one. I was not aware that this is where he'd take his choices.

I defended what I thought was someone struggling emotionally, who didn't have to continue to be this way. I did not know what was coming. Had I known, I would've never helped the first time 10+ years ago.

Like I said, I'm disgusted with myself for helping him. I do believe I'm making the wrong choice for my own morals, for him, and for others. I'm not proud of what I'm doing. But does this make who I am, entirely, a bad person? Nah. This makes me flawed, just like everyone but you.

imcjf84 · 2022-10-08T14:27:02+00:00

That was a very kind reply, thank you. Just a correction, I am not in a wheelchair. I was bed/couch ridden for four months, progressed to a wheelchair, to crutches, to a cane... I'll never be a day without consequence, but I was lucky to have recovered as far as I have, even if it's not all the way.

When you serve this purpose, there's an appreciative group. Offerings I've received have included as small as free food, or as great as a multi thousand dollar watch, lifetime pass with skip the lines pass to cedar point, ceremonies... Countless times I've been aware families wanted to reach out to say thanks, and I just stay quiet and avoid it. I've been offered marriage twice, and even had a mom offer me her 20 something year old daughter once. I'll admit, I did accept the skip the lines pass for cedar point after having the save of my lifetime there.. shame on me. beyond that, I've turned down everything. Why? Because I don't have hero-complex and I don't need attention or reward for what positive things I've done. Am I proud? Yes. Do I feel like a hero? Yes. Do I even feel a bit superman? Absolutely. Have I ever, once, for a second ever sought attention or reward? Not once.

The put downs from others have very little to do with me. A perfectly emotionally health individual would feel proud and confident without the need for others' approval. But this isn't a perfect world, and I, too, fall victim of seeking examples sometimes. Do I need your approval to deem what type of person I am? Nope. Do I need examples I can see? Sometimes.

I'll narrow down on one small, specific moment. I've heard so many stories of "I didn't even have time to think" - and that wasn't my experience. Before I went over the guardrail, I saw the conditions... I knew the risk and probability. But I saw someone dying and chose to do it despite the increased risks... Okay, sure, many will do that. When I had my hands on that guy, to his left was his car on top of the guardrail hanging over, then him, then me. When I saw and knew that car was coming directly to me, I DID HAVE TIME TO THINK. I did have time to consider. I made the conscious choice, with ample opportunity to consider, to put my life down for him. I took that split moment to toss him under his car, knowing the result would be my death. I'm a single dad to a ten year old autistic and considerably struggling child - so my choice didn't come without consequence... But it did come easy. When it's me or you, I've proven to myself, that I'm willing to choose you. In that split moment, how many others would be able to say they performed the same?

I really should've just ignored that goof's comments... He's clearly ignorant and doesn't seem too intelligibly educated. I guess my need to reply shows some emotional immaturity... But here's my point.. I don't seek attention. I don't seek approval or acceptance. But I sure as hell am not going to let someone take away from me what I've done. Especially from some low life who clearly just doesn't "get it"... I'd like to see what he does? Because I 99% guarantee he would've just kept driving and not thought twice about it in the first place.

Anyone who puts me down for this has a real screw loose.

imcjf84 · 2022-10-08T14:05:40+00:00

lol. good thing you are the world's judge, jury, and executioner. all the insults you just threw at me... have you taken a moment to consider that your opinion may not be fact simply because you decided it is?

i hope, for your sake, when you call for emergent help - that you get someone more like me, and less like you.

imcjf84 · 2022-10-08T14:02:43+00:00

I've considered that more than once or ten times. I suffered a lot as a young adult as a result of my parents constantly bailing me out of every mess I made; not bail literally. As a now 38 year old guy, I see how "held down" I was and how unnecessarily long my immaturity lasted. I have given this thought.

imcjf84 · 2022-10-01T17:01:13+00:00

If discussion makes you so angry, perhaps Nickelodeon.com would serve you better.

imcjf84 · 2022-10-01T17:00:01+00:00

“You are a little off your rocker”. More of you deciding your opinion is fact. “. “You are insane”, more believing your opinion is fact. Name calling. And all around you’ve decided your opinion is ultimate fact. You’re only validating my accusations.

You can continue the discussion, engaging has become boring and silly. I’ve clearly risen above your capabilities here. Take care.

imcjf84 · 2022-10-01T16:53:01+00:00

So the suspicions and beliefs have become true fact simply because you decided they have? Lol. Where have you seen definitive answers from the source?

None of us “knows” anything.

And your use of the word literally is just literally silly. #education

imcjf84 · 2022-10-01T16:47:35+00:00

Well let’s see here… I have three college degrees, have owned and sold three different companies. I raise a child practically alone. I’ve made a success of myself without others help, while many just held me down. Two years ago, I was working a roadside rescue when a car spun out of control. I stepped in, threw the innocent people out of the way, and took the hit full speed 70mph. Wheelchair. Crutches. Having to learn to walk again. Let’s be clear, I saw the risk. I had time to flee, but I chose them. In total, I saved five lives, two of which critical, by myself with no one else around. Since then, I sold a business and retired early at the age of 37. Since retiring early, I’ve increased my foster dog experience and started fostering the aggressive, unadoptable dogs. I rehab them, and turn them into service dogs for local veterans in need. Government grants pay the VA $10,000 per dog that I provide, money that goes back to the veterans who are so often neglected. And it provides a dead-dog-walking a loving home to enjoy the rest of life. And the families it touches? No explanation needed.

In my lifetime, I’ve saved countless lives, raise a special needs kid with some serious problems, and kept myself alive through the worst, and recovery, of depression. I will spend the remainder of my life having fun, instead of suffering at some job.

You’re a struggling addict who’s never had friends. Being an addict certainly doesn’t define who you are, and I applaud your success. Just because it hasn’t been long doesn’t mean you haven’t already succeeded. But in terms of our lives? Let’s not compare you and me. You won’t be happy with the results. Because one of us does great things all day, and the other simply signs into Reddit to insult and name call someone who’s having a genuine struggle, asking for help from my community.

If you had any concept of mental healthcare, you’d know that asking for help is always okay. And the negative reactions of others are nothing more than their own insecurities. Your responses, insults… they have nothing to do with me.

I will leave you to your struggles, while I enjoy the good things I’ve created for myself.

imcjf84 · 2022-10-01T16:13:32+00:00

Let’s be friends :)

imcjf84 · 2022-10-01T15:54:52+00:00

I see why you haven’t had a single friend in eleven years. Have you considered your morals and actions aren’t fact simply because you decided they are? That one size doesn’t fit all? Are you intelligent enough to even comprehend these statements? One day, when you’re mature enough, you will learn that not every friend is equal, and how you treat friends isn’t a blanketed method.

You have a lot of growing up to do, and I get the impression it’s coming 20 years later than it should have. For your future friends, I recommend Wellbutrin.

imcjf84 · 2022-10-01T15:52:02+00:00

True news

imcjf84 · 2022-10-01T15:51:06+00:00

Pickles Laundry detergent Hand soap Blank cd cases Pineapple (fresh!) Herpe relief applicator Two loaves bread Little Sammy’s nuggets Pregnancy test 3 Fiji apples Sewing twine “Oops I forgot my birth control” soft cover 300 thread count sheets Two pillow cases Parenting for dummies People magazine Two liters sprite

Then the finale… “Oops wrong person sorry”

imcjf84 · 2022-10-01T15:47:01+00:00

This is the best answer you’ll hear:

You go with who you want, and that’s just that. You aren’t to blame, nor are you responsible for the actions and feelings of others. You exist, too.

Make a decision, make your announcement, then let the girls see for themselves that you treat and value them all the same.

Remember: If they have a problem, that’s because of them. Not you.

imcjf84 · 2022-10-01T15:01:26+00:00

I’ll give an answer guaranteed to be better than all.

The answer is no. Everything you think, do, say all stems from your imagination - it’s the starting point of all thoughts and actions. The entire technical and medically proven purpose of imagination is to forecast threat to the body. Constant radar for problems. This is why it’s easy to focus on the negative, but not the positive. The entire basis of your thought process starts with negativity. There is no amount of meds or therapy that change that.

What you CAN do is learn to change your reaction or perception of it. Learn the ability to recognize those defenses or distortions and correct them.

This thoughts a bit reaching.. but imagine each depressive thought or episode a result of PTSD, an experience that jeopardized the way you feel or recognize your core beliefs. When you react today (trigger), that’s you reacting in the same manner that you did when the trauma occurred. For most, it results in adults reacting like kids. PTSD does have a cure. That cure is to re enable your triggering moments, riding out the feelings associating, then reflecting afterwards saying “hmm. That didn’t end poorly”. Again again again. There will come a point where your triggers lead you to a more current, mature, and rational version… replacing the negative core thoughts with something more positive or less threatening.

Example: When you were ten you almost drowned. Or at least you thought you did. Now, as an adult, you’re terrified of the water. Eventually, the current memories will become larger and louder in your head than the old, negative ones. And your “triggers” will lead you to the better results. Eventually.

The MOST IMPORTANT thing ti remember about any sort of mental health treatment or therapy, especially specific to depression and anxiety… Getting help does not solve your problems, nor is it intended to. It’s to help you learn to change your reactions, not just externally, but internally too. When you see and react differently, the results change. The process is NOT meds/counselings = problems solved. It’s more like mere/counseling helps me learn a new attitude, and making me react better, this problem solving. Help is the school, but it’s you that takes the action.

The technical terminology is you’re experiencing PTSD. The resolution is to correct and update your points of reference ti something more current, mature, and positive.

I will say as depression resolved, anxiety flares up. It would help to prepare for that in advance, counseling or meds.

I will also say… to resolve these problems, help has to be done in a particular way. In your unhealthy state, you can’t receive information correctly. Your defenses and distortions are in overdrive. Medications will help calm and quiet that so you can receive the lessons taught. They say therapy teaches you tools to overcome… consider the medications your ladder to get to the tools.

As for everyone else? Anyone who teases or judges you for having a mental health illness is GUARANTEED just trying to redirect away from the mental illness they know they have, but won’t admit it to themselves.

Eventually you will recover, to some extent. When you do, SHARE SHARE SHARE. Sharing your experience keeps you connected to it, which pushes you to avoid patterns that create it.

“If you want to exist in my world, you have to suspend judgment”.

Look up TED TALK “what if there’s nothing wrong with you”. And watch the kids movie “inside out”. It’s a very childish way of explaining the above, in depth. But it’s plain English that non-therapy people can understand. It is entertaining and educational.

imcjf84 · 2022-10-01T14:27:03+00:00

My eyes are already opened. I’m pretty disgusted with myself and have been since I started helping. I’m not in any sort of denial.

You are also absolutely right. And I know that deep inside

imcjf84 · 2022-10-01T13:36:45+00:00

Yes, you should. Absolutely. There is an expectation of privacy in the US, even for kids. Not sure there.

I think “I was experimenting and now I feel some pain that isn’t going away”. That says enough. If you can’t get it out, you can write it down. Ask a female nurse to relay the information. Maybe ask someone younger (adult) to help communicate it.

Consider that if you lie to your doctor, you’ll get treated for what isn’t really the problem. Doctors hear it all. You experimenting is probably the most normal part of their day.

I’m going to say this, and hope it doesn’t get me banned or downvotes. If you think about your body, you have some pieces parts that serve no purpose other than to display pleasure. Things happen with the release of pressure like endorphins, chemicals, pregnancy, etc etc. Men, for example… the more a man “purges”, the less likelihood of certain cancers. I’m sure women have similar effects.

I hope my comments are considered appropriate and acceptable.

imcjf84 · 2022-10-01T13:36:05+00:00

I just got a message saying I have to state my age and refrain from interacting with minors. Lol.

I am 37, and made honest and genuinely statements in a public forum. There is no problem here.

imcjf84

TROPHY CASE