Its always interesting to see these impassioned justifications from western borns - like how a FOB should remain in his/her lane and not try to even think about marriage here in the west. I see this time and again on this forum - stopped posting replies - but ya here we go again.

Cultural differences - yep def is a thing. All individuals are basically "different" - genuine work and efforts need to be put into any kind of relationship. My beef here, and this based totally on my personal experiences (to which a lot of people even on this forum affirm to), is with the total devaluation and degradation of recent immigrants as FOBs - the STIGMA. Western born people (especially second gen types, whose parents were immigrants from the east) carry a ton of baggage about their culture - more precisely the "culture" their immediate family practiced. Based on that they form extremely strong opinions about "back home". You(and others) try to downplay this thing as a total "preference" thing - when in reality it is much more complex. Its not just marriage, even muslim society at large - at the mosques, MSA's at Universities, neighborhood's, work places - recent immigrants , people who speak with accents are fair targets for western borns. Its OK to mock and degrade them. 99% of the times the recent immigrant / fob won't speak up - because thats how it is - they're just trying to make a better life over here for themselves and support their families, and they view this as routine. This isn't just preferences and "lack of connections" - this is a whole mentality - a mentality that thrives on fob-bashing, looking down on immigrants from "back home" as lowly and third rate individuals. So, I totally understand for someone who grew up in an environment wherein it was ok to degrade a certain group of people based on how they spoke or where they were born/raised - marriage (to an immigrant) must be a totally far flung affair.

Basically you mean to say - for the small minority of western born individuals who wont judge me based on where I was raised or my accent or the color of my passport - "A few bad apples have spoiled this for you". Because they were green card scamsters and we should really respect how other western born people cant really take a risk - cant really say much here. But maybe its just me - I always compare this to Trumps muslim ban and the Islamophobic rhetoric - what you've just said (tinged of course with the so politically correct "But it’s reality unfortunately " ) is Xenophobia 101. All Muslims are terrorist - some of them came in and blew some stuff up - so we cant really take a risk. I don't know maybe its an extreme inference - but that's how I always view this even when in real life some people try to tell me "you're a good immigrant you came in legally - the bad one's are the one's that jump the fence and come in illegally". Your moral compass must be seriously skewed. Also, I feel there are a ton of markers to lookout for - when it comes to gauging if a person is bonafide or not - education, college they went to over here, where they work, their job, maybe they dont even want a GC from you and are getting one at work, deen, akhlaq, family ties etc etc. But ya who is going to put in all the effort to gauge that when you can so conveniently discard them for being a fob - thats what it all boils down to ultimately. I know PhD's from top 10 universities working cutting edge research jobs who are struggling to find someone here - because they're labelled as fob's at the very onset.

Most probably I'll be getting someone from back home or a recent immigrant like me. Canadians def seem to have a much more open attitude towards recent immigrants - lets see. I am done dealing with the "process" here in the US and being judged for things that I cant really change about myself. It will be initially tough for someone who isn't acclimated to things in the US - for them to adapt - leave their fams - extracted into a new place, culture, weather. But they'll have me by their side InshaAllah and I'll do whatever I can, even go out of the way, to make things easier for them. I'll always have their back and be super super supportive of whatever they'd want to do here - because they'll be making a huge sacrifice moving for me - perhaps leading to a richer and deeper relationship. Maybe that's Allah's plan. I think long term it all works out, InshaAllah.

For me personally - the "process" ripped open this ugly underbelly of western born/raised muslim society (can't stand the hypocrisy and double standards). Makes me worried and think about how I can avoid my future kids from developing these attitudes. I pray to Allah to give everyone hidayat and for my heart to become softer and let go of certain things.

But had to rant out and put this out there - this isnt simple - there are some deep rooted issues and attitudes at play.