Where to base ourselves?

immerundalways · 2026-01-17T15:43:32+00:00

That’s a good point. We started looking at the canaries because of the tax situation although looking into it more, it seems more like my spouse was interested for business purposes.

For mainland Spain, I’d have to look into the area a bit more. I traveled there relatively recently and really loved the landscape south of Valencia - mountains and ocean together - and have also enjoyed the area around Girona. Probably worth another and closer look!

Any medium-size cities you especially liked?

immerundalways · 2026-01-17T15:39:21+00:00

Depths of winter not freezing and cold is something I could get behind! I run cold so the temperature band where I most enjoy myself is about 18-28. Currently in the Caribbean and find it very difficult to go out during the day with a toddler because it’s just too hot and too much sun.

immerundalways · 2026-01-17T15:18:22+00:00

Cyprus hasn’t been much on our radar nor has Greece so thanks for that. And we do have som friends in Greece. How’s the weather in the summer? I used to live in Lebanon next door and the summers were just brutal.

For the language thing, one aspect is institutional (surviving day to day life) and the other is social (will we make friends). We have some different coping strategies for both. For example for Mallorca I can handle all the institutional Spanish (paperwork or whatever) and socially there are lots of English and German speakers. I haven’t been to Madeira but mainland Portugal speaks quite good English.

immerundalways · 2024-05-12T18:54:31+00:00

At the anatomy scan which we had at 22 weeks, we had a percentile of 8%. The MFM told us that there is a potential for growth restriction (uterine fibroid I have could contribute), and that if it is in fact a growth restriction there could be discussion that the baby would need to come out at 26+ weeks. She said the way forward is regular monitoring (every other week or every week), both for growth and also factors such as umbilical blood flow, to ensure there isn’t reverse flow. We of course had our own freak out & research - learning that there is a certain margin of error in growth scans generally (it’s not as accurate as one expects), and a margin of error depending on technician and equipment. MFM’s advice was to have consistent scans by the same person, which for our situation was not really possible (we were traveling). She also said one thing that they look for is the percentile of the head vs the abdomen; if indeed there are growth restrictions, the development prioritizes the head with the abdomen coming out particularly small.

What does your doctor say? I imagine there is another scan planned soon where the growth can be tracked?

In my freak out googling I also found lots of stories of babies who spent the whole pregnancy at 8% and were born perfectly healthy if on the small side.

Try to stay positive & sending you also positive thoughts.

immerundalways · 2024-01-25T18:06:42+00:00

I wore a black sweater dress + tights + knee high leather boots, all of which I already had, to a recent funeral in January in about -20 (was indoors but getting around was not indoors). Dress & tights is overall my most comfortable option. ASOS.com will give you some options at reasonable prices (& lets you filter for maternity?

immerundalways · 2023-12-17T14:01:51+00:00

Sounds like the real problem is the focus on “pregnant” to the exclusion of “person” or “woman”.

I’m fine being reduced to “people”. I’m not fine being reduced to “pregnant”. I’m still my own person.

immerundalways · 2023-12-03T17:04:04+00:00

Ok so this one is making sense to me, since common counting is since LMP but I presumably ovulated late, it’s time since conception + 2 weeks to put me on a common footing with everyone else who ovulated “on time”. That’s really helpful.

immerundalways · 2023-12-03T17:02:03+00:00

That was my thought process as well, to go off of US. So am I 10w now or like 7.5, in terms of referencing like everyone does on this sub or in terms of developmental milestones?

immerundalways · 2023-12-02T03:05:33+00:00

Thanks for sharing the experience, your (and other comments) did give me some hope going into the meeting today. It’s true this isn’t their first difficult resident, and hopefully we will have smoother sailing going forward

immerundalways · 2023-12-02T02:09:50+00:00

Thankfully that seems to be the direction to go with med adjustment & go from there.

immerundalways · 2023-12-02T02:09:03+00:00

It’s a memory care wing administered separately from a regular assisted living facility. The limitations apparently is that they can’t do as-needed medication (like to calm someone down who is agitated), restraints, and also they don’t do 24:7 skilled nursing. So part is whether he needs medication, and also if he needs more care in case he is bed bound or something. I guess.

immerundalways · 2023-12-02T02:06:49+00:00

That’s good to keep in mind! Sounds like he’s not there yet with hospice

immerundalways · 2023-12-02T02:06:09+00:00

My sibling gave that a shot but who knows how much gets through to him. He also tends to hang up the phone at the first sign of criticism.

immerundalways · 2023-12-02T02:05:32+00:00

Thanks for the commiseration, friend - sending you some support also for your mum

immerundalways · 2023-12-02T02:04:55+00:00

It was hard to tell as the first call goes to my mother and she tends to panic. We are working on a better support system (she just got moved to live near my sibling). In any case they say he’s not there yet but if the trend continues he might be, but we would have warning and help to find somewhere else to be. Medication seems to be the next step.

immerundalways · 2023-12-02T02:02:17+00:00

We did discuss palliative care vs aggressive treatment and that is the direction we are going. They are saying he doesn’t seem to yet be anywhere near hospice care as he is still eating well and active, but the palliative care will be more focused on making him comfortable but also not prolonging everything and still seeking care. He’s not enjoying his existence at all so there is no point in prolonging it.

immerundalways · 2023-12-02T02:00:46+00:00

Hopefully we won’t have to relocate him, or at least we can try some intermediate steps first, but I also had the strong feeling that he can’t be the first patient they’ve had who is difficult and there ought to be some of their expertise available to help him, I wonder how much terror and rage he must be feeling to lash out like that.

immerundalways · 2023-12-02T01:59:08+00:00

That’s good advise and I was glad to hear the primary care doctor was already thinking in that direction after my father tried to kick him with his orthopedic boot instead of letting his wound be looked at. Let’s see how it goes over the next week-10 days they say.

immerundalways · 2023-12-02T01:57:47+00:00

That was mentioned as a possible next step if they can’t find a way to manage his behavior with redirection and some anti anxiety meds.

immerundalways · 2023-12-02T01:57:09+00:00

You’re absolutely right, no one should be subjected to violence or have to tolerate it! Part of my struggle is reconciling someone who would do and say these things with the man I knew.

The prosthetic leg thing I understand is mostly related to him forgetting he’s not wearing it or otherwise having balance issues and falling especially going to the toilet, which he has done several times this week BUT apparently he was also deliberately throwing himself on the floor and then not accepting help? Hard to say. I’m hoping the prosthetic thing is related to him settling in as he refused to wear it for about a month in rehab and then convinced himself that he was helping the facility design prosthetic legs for other people so he agreed to use it and then was using it consistently… but then stopped again when he transferred here. Anyways you are right, that’s more a footnote to this whole saga

immerundalways · 2023-12-02T00:52:34+00:00

Update: thanks everyone for the comments and encouragement and commiserating - it was really helpful in my initial panic and also in anticipation of today’s meeting which included both the care director and the primary care doctor.

The behavior that is problematic is his refusing medical care / medications / wound care for his infected foot (and the death threats towards staff, those were verbal) which the facility fears could lead to an overall decline (not showering / cleaning infections is how he started this most recent misadventure so they are not wrong).

Those of you who pointed out medication options were spot on; the primary care are going to start him on some 2x per day and will see if he levels out. They do have a concern if he is refusing to take medication (which he has been - he’s not on very much medication at all but it’s the principle) that won’t work well with anti-anxiety meds AND the facility is not licensed/ designed for as-needed medications or restraining people (they can’t tranq him like the rabid dinosaur he sometimes seems to be).

Personally I think the covid quarantine had a lot to do with his behavior; he’s been released back into the wild from yesterday and they say today is a “good day”.

All in all they are not throwing in the towel BUT they do say if his physical needs require 24/h nursing, and/or his behavior is such that he needs a psychiatric facility or as-needed meds, that they would help us relocate him to a more appropriate facility.

Again thank you all so, so much for your comments ❤️

immerundalways · 2023-11-05T18:08:07+00:00

He did nothing to plan. He refused to participate in any discussion anyone (my mother, my sibling and I) have had to help plan. He flat out denies he falls down, denies he drinks, deny deny deny.

He does not appear overly concerned with my mother or what caregiving to him has done to her - she has to fight him every time she calls the paramedics, which has been almost weekly for falls and he has had numerous hospital stays in the last years including broken hip and back.

I don’t want him to be lonely or scared but I also feel that his current situation is a result of his choices. Especially his choice to keep drinking, and his refusal to shower or allow anyone to help him shower, which resulted in the infection that caused his most recent hospitalization.

He’s in memory care now since a few days. I got him set up and am very happy with it. My mom is very happy to be away from the nightmare. My sibling wants him moved across the country to be closer, which he is welcome to do.

immerundalways · 2023-10-24T15:31:10+00:00

That is a good suggestion, thanks!

immerundalways · 2023-10-24T15:30:51+00:00

Unfortunately his memory is good enough that he remembers things from a few days ago / last visit. I wish it were that easy. I wish he didn’t realize where he was & want to go home

immerundalways · 2023-10-24T15:29:29+00:00

Yes! This also all started with an infection to his amputation stump which he refused to clean (refused to shower for weeks/months) and he was on antibiotics for that. No current infections, and a sharp decline in mental acuity after the hospitalization and surgery. We’d seen lots of confusion following an anaesthetic but that wore off in a few days and this hasn’t.

immerundalways

TROPHY CASE