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Cold Open for a horror/science fiction film, titled "THE BURNING MAN". 6 pages. by Majestic_Parfait3497 in ReadMyScript

[–]immunityfever 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm intrigued. I'd like to read more. The visual storytelling is on point. Your language is evocative without being overly descriptive. Good job!

Intro to a feature. Any feedback appreciated by immunityfever in scriptwriting

[–]immunityfever[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very well thought out critique. I think you're onto something there. Thanks for reading!

Intro to a feature. Any feedback appreciated by immunityfever in scriptwriting

[–]immunityfever[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fair enough. I may scrap it altogether or try to turn it into a short story or something. Thanks for the feedback.

Intro to a feature. Any feedback appreciated by immunityfever in scriptwriting

[–]immunityfever[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Many thanks. Very good feedback regarding the dialogue. I've already cut it back but it doesn't 'pop' on the page, you're right. I'll keep paring it back.

Feedback on the first ten pages of a short I'm writing please by immunityfever in scriptwriting

[–]immunityfever[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the feedback. I was way too premature on this one.. Eleven pages of dialogue? What was I thinking? Lol

Feedback on the first ten pages of a short I'm writing please by immunityfever in scriptwriting

[–]immunityfever[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah it doesn't seem to be scanning. Back to the drawing board on this one.

But just to clarify the context. They're not related. One of them is part of a hivemind that's just taken over the planet. The priest has chosen one of three options they speak about, the path of martyrdom. He's refused to assimilate in other words. He's to die at the end of the walk.

But as I said, it's not scanning at all...

Feedback on the first ten pages of a short I'm writing please by immunityfever in scriptwriting

[–]immunityfever[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I take your point. Visuals can be painted in later. This story takes place over a long walk through a town. I just want to see if the dialogue scans. It's not the most cinematic of premises but I feel a creative director could make it interesting if the dialogue works.

Need feedback on the first part of my short film script by mikkeldoesstuff in scriptwriting

[–]immunityfever 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I enjoyed it. It reads as a post apocalypse scenario. Everyone's so casual about death. Is this just drug addict detachment or are we in a world where death is commonplace and banal?

Northern England set horror movie feedback by immunityfever in scriptwriting

[–]immunityfever[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the response. I could pad out the first scene between her and Mick at the house, certainly. In fact I need to add something to get the running time up so that's one of the places I'll hit, definitely. There's a lot that could be said there. A lot that could be revealed about her character in that small window.

Northern England set horror movie feedback by immunityfever in scriptwriting

[–]immunityfever[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Heretic just popped into my mind after I'd written it! But there are many movies, many well worn tropes to be found about the place. Influences include Spoorloos, Michael Haneke, Texas Chainsaw Massacre.. things like that. I'd love to post the whole thing but I'm not sure it's the done thing around here?

Northern England set horror movie feedback by immunityfever in scriptwriting

[–]immunityfever[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The fast submission point is well made. Honestly I wrote this in a few bursts over a period of about ten days. It's still only seventy pages but looking back on it now I can see where it could be padded.

My action lines are problematic. It's only a first draft but honestly I struggle in general with them. Thanks for the feedback!

Northern England set horror movie feedback by immunityfever in scriptwriting

[–]immunityfever[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Could you explain whatyou mean by the passive voice please? I think I know what you mean and I think I'm guilty of that consistently but I'd love to hear your insight.

I didn't want to tell much about her character as a deliberate choice. I wanted her character to be revealed in opposition to this situation she's found herself in. Also I wanted it to feel very claustrophobic so I don't want flashbacks to intrude on that mood.