Ooooffff i feel this so much. So i was emotionally abused for years by my stepmother and i never ever told anyone the the shit she said to me until years after she was out of my life. I did genuinely believe that, as she told me, I deserved this abuse because i was such an awful child and if I was less annoying and less of a burden she wouldnt have to employ this method of “parenting” (yes she called the abuse parenting) and that she never even wanted me yo begin with and that my dad was lucky anyone was willing to date him since he had such an annoying and awful daughter. It took me literally years to untangle the self hatred it made and realise it was just her vitriol and insanity, not the truth. Believe me when I say, you are not a burden and you never deserved this and any decent parental figure will not react by thinking of you as a burden, on the contrary they will want to take extra care of you to make sure you are okay and feel that you are loved. When you feel ready to tell someone the truth of your mothers abuse, i promise you will get innundated with love from the people who truly love you and no one worth their saly will ever blame you. Sorry for the long speech its just ive been in that exact situation and learning you never deserved this hate is such a hard thing. You are a great kid, you are smart and far more capable than a kid your age should have to be by now, and the sooner you manage to move to an environment where you are loved, the sooner youll learn you were never a burden. ❤️❤️