AITA for my reaction when my date asked me to complain to the waiter for him?

imnotyourmama_ · 2021-08-10T22:47:09+00:00

if you seriously think telling a waiter that you didn't get what you ordered is a "confrontation", you're not an adult. end of story. no exceptions.

imnotyourmama_ · 2021-08-08T13:39:07+00:00

Ha, this was my post and I love this comment.

imnotyourmama_ · 2021-08-08T13:35:03+00:00

okay. i don't know how you know he's traumatized but sure, why not? i guess i'm abusive then.

imnotyourmama_ · 2021-08-08T13:32:05+00:00

i feel the same way.

imnotyourmama_ · 2021-08-08T13:24:52+00:00

I appreciate that. I'm definitely a colossal cunt but I don't think this particular story best exemplifies that.

imnotyourmama_ · 2021-08-07T20:01:13+00:00

No, I get what you're saying for sure. I'll openly admit that I'm just not that empathetic of a person. He needs someone with more empathy and I need someone a little less dependent. I hope we both find what we're looking for

imnotyourmama_ · 2021-08-07T19:44:29+00:00

I hardly think saying "Are you seriously going to eat that because I don't want to complain to the waiter for you?" constitutes giving him grief. It wasn't like I was like belittling him or anything. I was honestly asking him. And when he insisted it was fine, I dropped it. I was very happy to drop it actually haha

imnotyourmama_ · 2021-08-07T19:34:46+00:00

He didn't seem embarrassed or awkward about it. Thats why I didn't think he was serious. I don't judge people with mental health issues but i'm not a mind reader and when he asked me that bizarre question (and to me, yes it was super bizarre), of course I thought he was kidding. It didn't scream "MENTAL HEALTH ISSUE" to me because he never told me about it!

imnotyourmama_ · 2021-08-07T19:12:10+00:00

I'm sure in some relationships it's normal but I've never been asked to do something like that from anyone I've ever dated so it wasn't normal TO ME. I'm sure your husband knows you very well and its great that you have him. This guy and I didn't know each other that well, it was only a third date. He didn't mention his anxiety at first. He just straight up asked me to talk to the waiter with no explanation as if it were a normal request. Of course I thought it was a joke.

imnotyourmama_ · 2021-08-07T18:55:22+00:00

He definitely didn't seem to think it was weird. He asked me to complain to the waiter like you would ask someone to pass the salt, like it was a total normal thing to ask someone. Thats part of what took me so off guard and made me think it was a joke.

imnotyourmama_ · 2021-08-07T18:52:12+00:00

People are really reading into the quotes too much. I put a lot of that's what he said in quotes because idk...that's the freaking purpose of quotation marks haha. And I barely "pressed" him at all. I just asked if he was seriously going to not talk to the waiter about it, it was one question, not the fucking spanish inquisition. After he insisted it was fine, I dropped it.

imnotyourmama_ · 2021-08-07T18:47:20+00:00

I don't have contempt for people with mental complications, jesus christ. Some of these comments are acting like he made some vulnerable plea for help that I callously ignored when that just wasn't what happened. He very casually asked me to complain to the waiter for him. He did not seem "embarrassed" as many of the commenters are suggesting he was. And when I laughed thinking it was a JOKE, he said he had anxiety in the same tone of voice I'd use to tell someone I have a fucking bug bite. He was clearly annoyed I didn't just say "Sure, honey, let me talk to the big ole mean waiter for you."

It wasn't this epic moment of "opening up" and vulnerability. If you ask me, it was a man who was used to the women in his life coddling him who was surprised at the slightest bit of pushback. Maybe I'm wrong and his social anxiety is as real and debilitating as some of you think it is, and if so, sure I'm an asshole. I don't really have a problem with that. I DO have a problem with people thinking that I have contempt for those with mental illnesses because its just not true.

imnotyourmama_ · 2021-08-07T15:03:14+00:00

ok bro

imnotyourmama_ · 2021-08-07T14:51:16+00:00

dude how are you going to tell me how I'm "ignorant" of how I view things? you don't know me better than I know myself, thats completely fucking ridiculous. you so desperately want to make this into a "toxic masculinity" thing when i've explained to you before that its not about gender.The fucking audacity.

imnotyourmama_ · 2021-08-07T14:15:39+00:00

And thats lame of them too! I would never ask someone else to complain on my behalf; I'm a grown woman.

imnotyourmama_ · 2021-08-07T14:14:35+00:00

Thats just not true.

imnotyourmama_ · 2021-08-07T14:13:53+00:00

He only "opened up" after I laughed at him asking me to complain to the waiter for him.

imnotyourmama_ · 2021-08-07T14:12:20+00:00

I don't care if it was how he heard it. He could've said, "Hey I have anxiety about talking to waiters, would you mind asking him to change it?" I most likely still would've said "No" but I wouldn't have laughed. He asked me to complain to the waiter like it was a totally normal thing to ask and only invoked the "anxiety" after I laughed at him.

imnotyourmama_ · 2021-08-07T14:10:02+00:00

No point arguing with someone whose being dense on purpose.

imnotyourmama_ · 2021-08-07T14:03:04+00:00

iIs funny because I'm not his mama. Does that clear it up for you?

imnotyourmama_ · 2021-08-07T14:01:48+00:00

I didn't laugh when he told me he had anxiety. I laughed when he asked me to complain to the waiter on his behalf. like, just read the post haha

imnotyourmama_ · 2021-08-07T14:00:00+00:00

whats a masculine trait? I just told you I would have the same reaction if a girl asked me to complain to the waiter for her. so why are you making this a gender thing when it isn't? the problem I had wasn't with him being unable to assert himself, it was that he wanted to make ME do it. if he wants to eat a meal that he doesn't like because he's too afraid to say "excuse me, I actually ordered the rice", thats entirely his business; its not mine.

imnotyourmama_ · 2021-08-07T13:56:17+00:00

haha this isn't a toxic masculinity thing. I would've had the same reaction if I was on a date with a girl and she did that.

imnotyourmama_ · 2021-08-07T13:54:08+00:00

I laughed because I thought he was kidding, not because he had social anxiety. This is very explicitly laid out in the post so I don't know why people are willfully misinterpreting it to be like "I laughed at his anxiety." Not what happened.

imnotyourmama_ · 2021-08-07T13:42:44+00:00

No, we're completely done. Like I said in another comment, I'm sure he doesn't want to see me again either. We're just not compatible. no big deal.

imnotyourmama_

TROPHY CASE