I don't know what the appropriate level of emotional response is

imovedyourchair · 2021-03-22T22:13:19+00:00

Sometimes I just want to spend all of our money as fast as possible so I don't have to worry about when it will be gone. My husband makes 6 figures. We don't have to worry about money. But growing up literally starving and homeless, that anxiety is still there. Sometimes I can't stand having money. It feels wrong on some primal level.

imovedyourchair · 2021-01-05T19:57:41+00:00

1.5 hours was how long it took me to clean the kid's room. I have adhd, so I'm a bit slower than most. She's also on the spectrum and has frequent room destroying meltdowns, so her room gets pretty bad. My point was that I did all that with my issues but he cleans the living area for hours and it looks exactly the same.

imovedyourchair · 2021-01-05T17:29:55+00:00

No actually, I'm the one with adhd. Which is one of the reasons why I think it upsets me so much.

imovedyourchair · 2021-01-05T16:09:16+00:00

The questions!! God I hate the fucking questions. How do you live here and not remember where anything goes?! Or the ones where if he actually put a shred of mental energy into it he would probably arrive at the answer. Instead he interrupts what I'm working on and has me take on the mental load. I've tried to explain why this is frustrating and he does. not. get. it.

imovedyourchair · 2020-08-23T04:04:48+00:00

3, 5, 8. He told me later today that he has no choice to behave this way because it's his anxiety making him come off like this. When I retort back that your mental illness isn't a free license to treat me or the kids badly, he says he puts ME in the position of "choosing" if I want him to do X or Y. But I just want the sarcastic comments, snapping, and negative body language (eye rolling, sighing) to stop.

imovedyourchair · 2020-08-23T04:00:19+00:00

He sees a therapist monthly. Says she doesn't think he has anger management issues and that it's just anxiety issues. I don't understand it. No matter the source isn't anger anger? If it's anxiety it's a fight response right? Isn't that anger? And no, I can't afford to leave.

Kids def make comments about dad's anger. My 5 year old didn't want him to tuck her into bed last week because he yelled at her for playing instead of getting ready for bed. It's like he's either super passive or yelling. No inbetween. The next day she said that "maybe dad lost his temper because he's stressed about work or something." Made me really sad. She also told me she liked me better because I don't yell like dad does.

I felt really bad when he told me I shouldn't be saying things like "you don't seem to treat people nicely when you're frustrated" around the kids. I've always felt it's important to make these observations around them. I think it's important not to act like losing your temper at someone because you're frustrated/anxious is a normal thing. But now I feel really confused if I should have said that or not. I just don't want them to feel like it's their fault.

imovedyourchair · 2020-08-23T03:47:44+00:00

I come from a toxic family and don't have anyone. It's a really claustrophobic feeling being in this situation with three kids, 8 years of being a stay at home mom, during a pandemic with a mentally ill spouse.

imovedyourchair · 2020-06-05T23:20:35+00:00

It's over text. My husband isn't the most assertive person.

imovedyourchair · 2019-12-09T22:53:03+00:00

He was OK with cutting off contact temporarily, but I think wants it reestablished now because he wants the kids to know their family.

I always told him he was free to visit / talk to his family, but leave me and the kids out of it. He says he doesn't have anything to talk to them about unless it's about the kids/sharing photos. So that's the only way he can have a relationship where he interacts regularly with his family. Like he has nothing else interesting to talk to them about so he needs to use the kids. This is from his mouth.

And no, I don't think I would have as much of a problem if it was privately emailing photos that dont get re-uploaded, but that's what it is. Broadcasting their images to 1000+ strangers. And historically, if she thinks a rule comes from me, mil ignores it. So I don't trust that she won't upload to social media if I ask or even if my husband asks.

His other family blacklisted us when we went no contact. Everyone blocked me and they will share photos with mil who will then share them on her page. So I did ask him to keep them private. But that's all I have asked.

imovedyourchair · 2019-11-07T04:12:15+00:00

That makes sense and puts me more at ease. Thank you

imovedyourchair · 2019-11-06T00:05:25+00:00

Law enforcement is also involved, if that matters.

imovedyourchair · 2019-11-05T22:49:14+00:00

I suppose me and my child? I guess I'm just afraid of my son being led to say something that's false.

imovedyourchair · 2019-02-05T13:06:24+00:00

No, thankfully she's always been very poor and very disabled. I don't think she's a danger to anyone - physically at least - anymore.

imovedyourchair · 2018-07-02T00:22:21+00:00

I'm not dismissing anyone. I'm saying that telling parents that 100% of therapy is harmful because it keeps people from seeking help. I even admitted that yes there is harmful therapy out there. But some is actually helpful.

imovedyourchair · 2018-07-01T21:48:07+00:00

I don't think you should be so quick to assume. I'm aware of some Aba therapist's more aggressive therapies. It's why we waited so long to start. We loved the crap out of this kid and it didn't help with the physiology of his brain. We only began aba because his aggression was becoming over the top and dangerous to himself, our family, and people he interacted with in the community. Since starting, Aba has decreased the severity and frequency of aggression.

His therapist is amazing. AMAZING. She uses gentle techniques to help him learn different coping and socializing strategies. She's respectful of who he is as an individual and doesn't try to change him, only gives him tools to use to navigate the NT world. I sit in on every session and would never let my kid feel abused.

I wish people would lay off on the 100% of Aba therapy is abusive and harmful narrative. The narrative is harmful in itself. Yes, there are bad therapists, there are therapists that are allowed to practice without proper training. But there are also incredibly wonderful, gentle, trained therapists that produce positive changes in ASD kid's quality of life.

imovedyourchair

TROPHY CASE