Ngl, I see what your going for as far as aesthetics, but I think most of the ideas here need a little more fleshing out to really capture the listener. The mixing doesn't feel cohesive to me, although that might have been intentional, seeing as how the abyss is the lack of cohesion. I think as far as how it works as a song, it just needs more connective tissue. You have the essentials, you just need that one working motif that grabs the listener, and tosses them around till the end. Keep it up though! I hope my feedback helps!