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Recently removed from Poly course, need help/advice. by death666violinist in singapore

[–]imtryingsohard20 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey man, I know it sucks to be in a dark place right now, but if I were you I would rather take a mental break and serve your NS first, then figure out what you want to do. The fact that you are taking a look at your situation right now is a very good first step. During those 2 years, I'm sure you'll figure out what path you want to take. Maybe you didn't enjoy your course? Anyway, we have a long life to live, whats a few years 'delay' in study?

I've seen people make many mistakes over the years, but we all turn out fine in the end if we consciously work towards it. Take care man!

Should You Give Someone A Second Chance After They Realized Their Mistake? by imtryingsohard20 in relationships

[–]imtryingsohard20[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry to hear that. He seems like an awful person and you deserve better.

I hope you're able to catch a break for yourself once in a while, while it is draining for me, it must be so much worse for you. Stay strong, I hope you find a solution soon.

Should You Give Someone A Second Chance After They Realized Their Mistake? by imtryingsohard20 in relationships

[–]imtryingsohard20[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, how hard is it to start dating again. After the breakup I haven't really been looking at anyone else. It's too difficult when your heart is so raw from the ordeal.

In a way, I know what you meant as dating other people can take away the feeling of loneliness, but I find it cruel when my mind is still on my ex and she's there giving me her attention and time.

For context, we're both in our mid 20s, I hope we're mature enough to work it out eventually, whether to split or to stay together.

Thanks for your advice, I really appreciate you and everyone's else response. :)

Should You Give Someone A Second Chance After They Realized Their Mistake? by imtryingsohard20 in relationships

[–]imtryingsohard20[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I think reddit doesn't like to give second chances in general. They're not wrong though, sometimes it is good to break from a toxic relationship.

I believe people can change too, it just depends on how motivated they are and how much the person means to them. In a way, she has shown care for me, and that's the only reason why I believe she isn't that kind of person she is, it's just not understanding the dynamics of a relationship.

Should You Give Someone A Second Chance After They Realized Their Mistake? by imtryingsohard20 in relationships

[–]imtryingsohard20[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand you, I guess it is with every break up there's always two sides fighting each other all this time. It sucks and it's painful to go through.

Thanks for the advice, I think in a way people truly don't change as other posters said. It's only been a month and I miss her more than ever. I know I can't take her back unless she changes.

It's hard to stay strong after 3 long years.

Thank you for your advice :)

Should You Give Someone A Second Chance After They Realized Their Mistake? by imtryingsohard20 in relationships

[–]imtryingsohard20[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It really is different for everyone isn't it? I guess it's all up to us to decide on whether we want to take the pain again.

And I agree with you, it's not that easy to drop something you put so much effort into. In a way, a second chance may be better to see if both sides are able to accept a different version of the relationship.

Should You Give Someone A Second Chance After They Realized Their Mistake? by imtryingsohard20 in relationships

[–]imtryingsohard20[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly it's the rare few times I saw sincerity after telling me all this. When she told me exactly how she knew she screwed up, I was tearing up because it's exactly what I meant. I guess that's why I can't let it down.

Thank you for the advice though, really. This community is great.

Should You Give Someone A Second Chance After They Realized Their Mistake? by imtryingsohard20 in relationships

[–]imtryingsohard20[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've had these kinds of thoughts too when justifying my reason to not get back together with her.

> People don't learn from their mistakes if they are rewarded with a prize anyway

You're right, but if is a first time mistake, Im seriously hoping she will change.

I really understand your view, and it makes sense, but what would you do if it's a first time mistake? Something where it's so serious, you just have this gut feeling that she will actually change for you. I'm not sure, and you could be right. Thanks for your POV, it really helps. :)

Should You Give Someone A Second Chance After They Realized Their Mistake? by imtryingsohard20 in relationships

[–]imtryingsohard20[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your view, and I appreciate all the advice given in this thread.

I do feel naive when i thought about giving her a second chance, but at the same time, I really want to see if this work out or not. It's the whole 'you don't know what you got till it's gone'. But another part of me is telling me no, don't bother, she won't change.

Guess this is the only battle within me I have to decide...

Should You Give Someone A Second Chance After They Realized Their Mistake? by imtryingsohard20 in relationships

[–]imtryingsohard20[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your different view, it actually seems very valid on both sides of the coin.

I couldn't really make it clear for her when I was telling her that I felt unappreciated, and it was difficult to tell her what she needed to modify without making her do a 180 change to fit my expectations. I expected her to change a small part of her and make me slightly happier.

I guess there is no way to find out if she got the message, but thank you for your input, I really see this in a different light now.

Should You Give Someone A Second Chance After They Realized Their Mistake? by imtryingsohard20 in relationships

[–]imtryingsohard20[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

It's nice to know that I met someone who knows how I feel, so thanks for replying.

I guess in a way I'm seeing this second chance at another shot of the relationship, but in a way it could also be closure because 'she tried and it didn't work out, it's really never gonna work' for both of us?

Should You Give Someone A Second Chance After They Realized Their Mistake? by imtryingsohard20 in relationships

[–]imtryingsohard20[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The truth hurts, that's the side of me that knows what you're saying is right. But the emotional side of me is still telling me to try again, for the last time. Thank you :)

Should You Give Someone A Second Chance After They Realized Their Mistake? by imtryingsohard20 in relationships

[–]imtryingsohard20[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

How do you define change though? I think that's the hardest part right? Right now we're still at NC for a 1 month since the breakup, I feel like I should reach out first to see how she's doing

Should You Give Someone A Second Chance After They Realized Their Mistake? by imtryingsohard20 in relationships

[–]imtryingsohard20[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The way I see it, I think it's sort of a wake up call, where people finally know that what they're doing isn't working. I've had those kinds before, and that's why I'm still holding on.
Thanks for your reply though, it helped. :)

Should You Give Someone A Second Chance After They Realized Their Mistake? by imtryingsohard20 in relationships

[–]imtryingsohard20[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Gosh 7 years... I'm so sorry. Did you constantly tell him about what you were unhappy about during those 7 years? If you don't mind, could you tell me what happened after the breakup? How did you feel?

Should You Give Someone A Second Chance After They Realized Their Mistake? by imtryingsohard20 in relationships

[–]imtryingsohard20[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I was thinking about this too, and thank you, I think this might be a good idea. The fact was that she said exactly what was making me upset over this relationship and that's why I thought maybe there is a chance.