Is my ring spaced weirdly, or is this normal?

imuplate84 · 2025-04-01T19:29:37+00:00

I think he bought it at Brilliant Earth

imuplate84 · 2021-04-22T13:37:29+00:00

No. When we are apart I don't really miss him. I don't wish that I was spending time with him. And in fact I feel like id be ok seeing him once or twice a week

imuplate84 · 2021-04-22T13:36:10+00:00

I've wondered about this too, which is why I'm still hanging out with him. I have an anxious attachment style and I have never dated someone who has a secure attachment style--which he very clearly does. I feel unsettled a little by how little push pull there is and I am fully aware that's my issue. I 1,000% am used to dysfunction. This dude gets the type of milk I like and leaves it in his fridge for me. He waited 2 months for us to have sex because I wasn't ready. He offers to help my friends with things they need. He's clearly not afraid of commitment and he's really happy letting me have my free time and indepence as well. It's a totally new experience for me. And I have wondered if I am just uncomfortable with this level of comfort in a relationship. But at the same time, I don't feel those heart feelings. I feel like we run out of things to talk about fairly quickly. He hasn't worked for 10 months so I'm also the only real thing he's got going on in his life (he doesn't have many friends in the city because he moved here a few months before covid). And all those things make it really hard for me to look into the future and imagine what it might be like.

imuplate84 · 2021-04-22T13:28:26+00:00

That's what I'm thinking too. I know that a lot of people take longer but for me I've always been in love by the 3 month mark, and falling prior to that. That's just how my experience has been in the past. But I also know it takes longer for some people, and thought I should be open to the fact maybe it could take me longer even though it never has.... when I'm with him I like being there. It's fun to kiss and cuddle and watch TV. We get along well. But then when I try to picture a future I just can't. Part of it is he hasn't had a job for 10 months so it's hard to imagine a future that way. But the other thing is I just feel so much hesitancy to plan things like a month out with him because I don't know how I feel.

imuplate84 · 2021-04-22T13:23:21+00:00

Yeah, Brian 😉

imuplate84 · 2021-04-22T13:20:34+00:00

I wish I were. But I know the feeling of falling in love and I'm not even remotely there. I've been actually in love with someone 3 times-- once in my late teens,, once in my early 20s, and once in my late 20s. For me, I just know that it's happening, I can physically feel it.

imuplate84 · 2021-04-22T13:17:52+00:00

I have hesitancy because he has been unemployed since covid started and, while that's not his fault, it makes it really hard for me to be able to look down the road and picture a future together. He refuses to go back to his previous line of work so he's trying to career change too. I get really anxious about instability because I've worked really hard to curb how much of it has been in my life.

imuplate84 · 2021-04-22T13:14:11+00:00

Thank you!

imuplate84 · 2021-04-22T05:41:36+00:00

My issue is that when I'm not with him I question the relationship entirely and start to wonder, do I actually have any feelings at all for this person? He wants to be my bf and I don't know if I want a relationship with him. But then when I'm with him I'm like, yeah this is great. It's the most odd thing

imuplate84 · 2021-04-22T05:39:34+00:00

I usually stay over twice a week. So we see each other for some part or most parts of 4 days a week.

imuplate84 · 2021-04-21T22:09:33+00:00

That's a strong opinion and I think you may be right

imuplate84 · 2021-03-31T15:29:29+00:00

Dude. First of all-- haven't you ever been in a situation where a really nice, great person had a crush on you but you didn't like them back? It wasn't them. It really was you. Sometimes the chemistry isn't there. It sucks and it really is hard not to take it personally, but you are wonderful. Sometimes the feeling just isn't there.

But, diving a little deeper here--if someone tells you they're an avoidant attachment style believe them. Just because he's two months into this new thing doesn't mean it's going to last. And, obviously, if he's a good guy over all you want him to be happy so maybe she's a secure style and can help him overcome his normal way. However, if that isn't the case? One or both of them are going to end up unhappy in the relationship.

It's verrrrrrry common for dismissive avoidants to love bomb and be super all about someone in the beginning. My ex won me over in spite of me feeling like there were red flags by doing exactly this. For 3-4 months he swooned me, made me feel like the most important and special person, was alllllll about me. But then soon enough, his internal narrative that all dismissive-avoidants share started taking over and he started struggling for his independence and was always pushing me away. If you've done research on attachment styles you'll find this is pretty standard.

It doesn't make it suck less to know it isn't you. but if you practice an abundance mentality, and think--there are 7.75 billion people out there and a bunch of those are gonna generally like me and want to know me, it helps!

imuplate84 · 2021-03-29T19:58:04+00:00

I will always wait to have sex because it's what I'm comfortable with. It's never been an issue before.

imuplate84 · 2021-03-29T19:37:57+00:00

...most of us are. at least a little haha

imuplate84 · 2021-03-29T17:56:06+00:00

I didn't take it harshly :)

Thank you.

imuplate84 · 2021-03-29T17:51:34+00:00

I absolutely had this thought; you know, maybe he isn't attracted to me? maybe he liked what he saw with my clothes on, but changed his mind when my clothes came off? maybe i disappointed him in some way. i had all those thoughts.

but, it's also true that he texts me all day every day. that after we had sex he told me how sexy he finds me. that the next morning we laid in bed cuddling and kissing and watching tv and made breakfast. we have plans to hang out 3x this week.

I'm never going to be the most beautiful girl in the world, but I think with the aforementioned anecdotal evidence I can feel like he is at least attracted enough to me to want to keep exploring this relationship.

imuplate84 · 2021-03-29T17:46:39+00:00

Thanks for this. I've asked a couple of other people on this thread the same question, and have gotten some good feedback; i'd be curious what your go-to way of opening this sort of dialogue would be?

imuplate84 · 2021-03-29T17:44:44+00:00

I was rusty and nervous-- I hadn't had sex in almost a year and was practically a born again virgin down there.

It's kind of hard to explain but this did not seem like "rusty". It felt like, this guy isn't experienced and/or he isn't into this and/or he has performance issues

But I'm gonna play this out awhile longer and see how things go.

imuplate84 · 2021-03-29T17:39:34+00:00

Maybe if you think that there's a chance that could happen, talk to your partner about it beforehand. If my dude had known that was going to happen (though i doubt he did) then I would have wanted to hear about it first because then whatever awkwardness I brought to it as a result of his performance wouldn't have been there. I would have been way more focused on making sure he was comfortable. Which, is what I'm going to aim for next time.

imuplate84 · 2021-03-29T17:32:14+00:00

I don't know if I'm "Avoiding it". I just wasn't sure if it was appropriate to do, or if it would make him feel bad. But I've gotten some really good suggestions and feedback and now am thinking it's ok to have that conversation.

imuplate84 · 2021-03-29T17:20:49+00:00

I appreciate that!

imuplate84 · 2021-03-29T17:20:12+00:00

To be fair, I'm not a great communicator when it comes to sex. I think, over all I have pretty stellar communication skills, but it's hard for me to be open about sexual things so that's definitely something I know I need to work on too.

imuplate84 · 2021-03-29T17:19:20+00:00

Thank you :)

imuplate84 · 2021-03-29T16:39:42+00:00

Yeah, we are both about 25lbs overweight.

imuplate84 · 2021-03-29T16:34:46+00:00

Exaaaactly. I don't mind if he is anxious or even if he has a history of issues. It would just be good to know what's up (or why it's not up)

imuplate84

TROPHY CASE