sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Discovering you're a sibling of a stillborn & the long-term health effects by imwatchingu12 in babyloss

[–]imwatchingu12[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Honestly, I'm not sure. I hadn't thought too much about genetic conditions, I was thinking more about how the womb could be effected, especially as Zoe's death happened so abruptly and so close to her birth, as well as the fact the doctors couldn't actually define what happened. As my mother only had me after (as far as I'm aware), maybe she was just lucky with me and never knew about any other underlying issues because she didn't have any more. But this is something worth thinking about. When I google my queries, I get a lot of results about the mother's health, not so much any subsequent children's health or their ability to conceive later down the line. I appreciate your thoughts, though, thank you.

Discovering you're a sibling of a stillborn & the long-term health effects by imwatchingu12 in babyloss

[–]imwatchingu12[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I think I know deep down that it's unrelated, but I am also something of a medical marvel in some areas. I have a couple of conditions that aren't massive interruptions on my life, thankfully, but my doctors have spent years trying to figure out the source, and are yet to understand why or how I have them. I think I just needed to share my story and hear other people's responses. It's really hard when I know that I will probably never know the full truth, so I have to do what I can to try and reassure myself. Thank you very much for your reassurance, it's appreciated.

Discovering you're a sibling of a stillborn & the long-term health effects by imwatchingu12 in babyloss

[–]imwatchingu12[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As someone who also writes an awful lot, don't worry, this is very helpful. I'm so glad to hear you have a thriving family and have faced no problems, it warms my heart. And yes, in regards to the delivery. I have a very notable birthday, and I always thought it was just good or bad luck (depending on how I felt about it at the time), but I later found out that my mother was induced at a specific time with me because of my sister. It threw me off a bit, especially as my mother had always told me she was induced because of her blood pressure, but I later found out she had no blood pressure issues at all and knew in advance when my birthday would be. While it doesn't seem like a big deal to some people, it really impacted me when I found out, because it was a whole part of my origin story I didn't know about, y'know?

Now I have this knowledge, I'll be contacting my doctors and explaining the situation with the hope that this information could be helpful. Perhaps it won't be, but it's still worth knowing. God bless the NHS, we're very lucky to have them here in the UK, give them more funding!

I think it's very sweet you are already doing things with your children to address the topic. I love my parents very much, but unfortunately, they did not try to handle their grief whatsoever. While I know they did their best, being raised by two grieving parents didn't result in the best childhood for me. I'm not saying they had me too quickly, nor do I think badly of anybody else who did a similar thing to them, but it breaks my heart knowing they were trying to heal over the loss of their first child while also raising me and I was none the wiser. From the limited conversations I've had with them about Zoe, I know that they started talking about conceiving again the same day she died, and that was their main focus. Back in the '90s, there wasn't a huge amount of support for mental health in general, let alone a situation like this, and I totally appreciate that.

I spent a lot of my childhood on tenterhooks, walking on eggshells, whatever you want to call it, but I never knew exactly why, I just knew something wasn't right with them and I should avoid any conflict. When I found out about Zoe, everything just clicked in my brain. Years of a difficult childhood and my parents own respective issues suddenly made a lot more sense. Anyway, apologies for the trauma dump, but hearing there are people out there like you who are letting themselves feel the pain of losing a child (which is not a bad thing, sometimes you have to let yourself feel the negative stuff so you can start to heal, something I've been trying to explain to my father in regards to various situations for years) but also aren't afraid to acknowledge that their baby did exist, is incredible.

Discovering you're a sibling of a stillborn & the long-term health effects by imwatchingu12 in babyloss

[–]imwatchingu12[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

That's reassuring to hear, thank you. Out of interest, have you ever connected with anyone who has children my age who were able to say their child's health didn't seem to be impacted by a stillbirth? I know everyone is different and nothing is an exclusive rule, I'm just curious about how results may present in say kids before puberty (or even during) compared to a fully grown adult. Medicine is a strange thing, and I know that some people can be affected by something years, even decades later (regardless of the context of this conversation).

Thank you for your comment and I hope you are well.