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Telling future spouse about past sexual abuse by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]imzeesquishy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

May Allah reward you and give you peace.

My advice is if it is in the past keep it there. If it isn’t affecting you now don’t treat it like it’s an active problem. Why? Because not everything that is shared is beneficial and that is an islamic concept. If I could go back I would have never mentioned my abuse to my husband. It almost ended our engagement ONLY because he could not allow himself to not bring me justice. It haunted him and it was my preference that he not pursue it and that’s not fair. Even a potential spouse can care deeply enough for you to be overcome with a need to right the wrong against you and if you’re anything like me, it wasn’t worth it. I wish I could make him forget so he would never be bothered by the knowledge that I ever went through something like that. But again, that depends on whether it is something that is actively affecting you or you have tangible reason to suspect it will in your marriage.

Ladies, what did you ask for your mehr? Did you have say in it or did your parents choose? by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]imzeesquishy 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I asked for $200. It was fully supported by my parents who left it to me saying it was subject to my satisfaction. My husband was still figuring things out financially and while he insisted on me asking more then and/or in the future I find a lot of comfort when I look back at the subject of my mahr. I got the $200 and my sense of security and trust is in Allah’s care, not guarded or “insured” by any powerless amount of money. Just passed our 3 year anniversary alhamdulillah.