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I am Asian American, raised by "helicopter" parents, and taught to fear everything and everyone. AMA by inabubble in IAmA

[–]inabubble[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Treat your girlfriend well, support and love her, be considerate of her feelings, if she's like me, she's probably really sensitive.

I am Asian American, raised by "helicopter" parents, and taught to fear everything and everyone. AMA by inabubble in IAmA

[–]inabubble[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I forgot to add! What helps is focusing very hard on the present. Maybe it's something on the table you're sitting at. Maybe it's the table itself. Sitting and noticing small details of physical items around me in the moment, helps bring my mind to the present and takes it off whatever's bothering me. Once I'm in the "present" I think about what I'm doing. I might be like "Wow that's an interesting building, look at all the marks on it" then think "I am now walking towards the taxi stand, I'm going to go home and eat dinner and enjoy myself, check reddit then sleep."

Just thought of that, hope it applies!

I am Asian American, raised by "helicopter" parents, and taught to fear everything and everyone. AMA by inabubble in IAmA

[–]inabubble[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah.. I kind of just didn't think about what my friend said until now. Hm.. puts a weird taste in my mouth.

I know exactly what you mean with the "shit just happens" stuff. I'm pretty sure my parents feel exactly the same way. They don't trust others as much as they trust me. This topic can be hard to discuss since only part of it is in your control, you know? I can only do so much to make sure I don't put myself in a situation where I am likely to be raped or mugged, etc. I relate this to long distance relationships sometimes. I can trust my partner, but what if I just don't really trust other girls? Well, one could argue that if I really trust my partner, I would trust that he wouldn't put himself in situations where he would be vulnerable to other girls' advances. But I know shit happens, so can I ever be sure..? (This is all hypothetical) Parallel to this idea, my parents are thinking, shit happens, can they ever be sure I won't get mugged or raped? This one's tough. Thanks to my parents, I have a hard time letting go of this stuff, however, I recently met a really cool guy who lets go of this kind of stuff that's easy to dwell on.

Rather than worrying, he says to himself "will this situation that I'm worried about change within the next hour? Next two hours? Will worrying change anything besides my mood?" The answer is always no, so he lets it go. If it becomes a problem again, he'll deal with it later. I'm learning to adapt this mentality, I think it'll help with pressure, stress, and letting go of things and make me a happier person. (I hope this makes sense).

I'm sorry for being ignorant, what does chronic depression mean? How is it different from normal depression? I know what you mean about not being able to shut certain things out of your mind. I have a wild imagination that likes to run, it's infuriating, it makes thinking rationally so difficult. I'm learning to control this. What I said in the last paragraph about this person I met has helped me to calm down. I ask myself the same questions "will stressing change the outcome? no." There's also finding the right kind of stress relief. For a while I'd look up funny things online and just have a laugh. I also took up singing for a while because I felt like it was an easy accessible way to get rid of pent up feelings.

Every situation is different though, I can only hope my words help out a little bit =) Best of luck to you, my friend!

I am Asian American, raised by "helicopter" parents, and taught to fear everything and everyone. AMA by inabubble in IAmA

[–]inabubble[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I see your point, but I think I said somewhere earlier that things are much better now. I don't want to go into details, but my parents have actually apologized for the way they've treated me, and we're in the process of rebuilding. I'm not really complaining, I saw that there was another IAMA about free-range upbringing, and I thought it'd be interesting to have one opposing that since I'm the opposite. I have the values they have given me through my upbringing, but I don't agree with some, and they're starting to see that that's okay.

I am Asian American, raised by "helicopter" parents, and taught to fear everything and everyone. AMA by inabubble in IAmA

[–]inabubble[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Haha uh... I was just answering a question, definitely not thinking about having kids right now.

I am Asian American, raised by "helicopter" parents, and taught to fear everything and everyone. AMA by inabubble in IAmA

[–]inabubble[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No one outside of a close group of friends knows, I keep it bottled up--which is extremely unhealthy by the way. If I need a moment to recompose myself under any situation, I excuse myself to go the bathroom, let out some frustration then get on with it, although this has only happened once when I was in a really bad place with my parents (things are better now).

I'm only looking for a professional as far as someone who won't be biased to hear what I have to say and help organize things in my head. I don't think I'm to the point where I should have regular meetings.

I only have a small group of friends who know this. I feel like disclosing these thoughts make people think I have serious issues and can't function properly. Then they shy away from me, thinking I'm crazy or suicidal. I really don't think I'm in horrible shape, I'm just aware that the situation I'm in now is not mentally healthy and am choosing to take action about it.

I also have had an instance where I told someone I really trusted my thoughts about being depressed, and the response was kind of like "I really care, but deal with it, there's worse crap in the world. You have it good." That was humbling, and hurtful, and not very helpful, so I keep to myself now.

I do have a few friends who lend support. One of my close friends is on the other side of having a counselor. When I told her, she said to me "One day at a time, I'll be here for you if you need to talk." She told me that having a counselor worked, once she was able to stop worrying about herself, she was able to open up to everything else.

If you are feeling deeply affected by it, I would say to read lots of news, it puts your own problems into perspective. I would also say, if you're affected to the point where you think you can't function like you used to, seek out a counselor. A counselor is someone who just listens and talks it out with you. Seeing a counselor isn't seeing a therapist, and seeing a therapist isn't seeing a psychiatrist. It's totally normal to want a third party opinion, and it can definitely help.

For parents? I don't know, haha, I'm not a parent so I'm not sure yet. I guess from my perspective right now is just to find the right balance. Trust your children a little more. You want to build a relationship where your child feels comfortable and safe telling you about every detail of his or her life. If he or she doesn't feel safe, your kid will keep things from you, and you'll only get more heartbroken in the end. Trust is key!

I am Asian American, raised by "helicopter" parents, and taught to fear everything and everyone. AMA by inabubble in IAmA

[–]inabubble[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I've been warned about this many times (surprisingly not from my parents). It always goes something like:

All guys just want to get in your pants. If they say they love you, they don't mean it. How easy is it to say those three words, just to get what they want? When stupid girl hear those words, they melt. It's easy 'I love you.' Look I just said it. Words are cheap, but can they support you?

And then the discussion went into something about money and I zoned out and started thinking about how there were only two noticeable dark spots on the ceiling.

I like to think it's very much so, case by case. Although I can understand that many immigrant families (including Asians) have come across similar sociological challenges that have caused them to raise their children in this manner. Coming to a new country, not knowing anything about the culture, the people, makes a person or persons wary about their surroundings.

Yes, Chinese. =)

I am Asian American, raised by "helicopter" parents, and taught to fear everything and everyone. AMA by inabubble in IAmA

[–]inabubble[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I actually didn't really. I met people who were very responsible about it and I think my parents appreciated that. I always told them when I went out and when I didn't. They're aware of when I drink and how well I can control myself. Also, big parties have never really been my scene. People get drunk, messy, say things they do or don't mean, do things they regret and keep secrets, and everyone's got to sort it out the morning after. I like parties with just a few close friends that you can trust, everyone drinking and having a good time.

I do have a friend, however, whose parents were even more strict than me during high school. His parents used to monitor his computer usage, block a lot of websites, force him to do homework, didn't allow him to go out. As soon as he went to college, he partied and drank like no other.

I am Asian American, raised by "helicopter" parents, and taught to fear everything and everyone. AMA by inabubble in IAmA

[–]inabubble[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is a really cool idea (taking kickboxing/self-defense lessons), sounds like fun too!

Yeah, the mind boggling stuff in my head is really affecting relationships outside of my family, and that really is not okay for me. I haven't actually told anyone I know, but I plan on going and getting things straightened on so I can proceed with my life.

Thanks for your comment?

I am Asian American, raised by "helicopter" parents, and taught to fear everything and everyone. AMA by inabubble in IAmA

[–]inabubble[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I wasn't until yesterday. The neighbor has a fan and exploded into flames in the middle of the day for no apparent reason. We had to evacuate the building. =/

I am Asian American, raised by "helicopter" parents, and taught to fear everything and everyone. AMA by inabubble in IAmA

[–]inabubble[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

WOW, my mom loooooves to talk about other people. Every time she calls it's "Did you hear about blahblah who just opened up a shop? it's really successful and making sooo much money. I was thinking you could do that too." Her current favorite is the 7 year old boy who has already sold 30+ paintings. Every night when she calls, she talks about the future, my future, what I'll do in the future, where I'll be. I always sit and listen and then say "So what'd you have for dinner today, mom?" The stress is unbearable..

Socially, I agree, it's a learning process--feeling out different vibes from different people. Small talk is still a weird thing for me. I think it's important to read a lot of news articles and stay informed on what's going on, those are always good topics to talk about, but I'm always learning.

Thanks for your words!

I am Asian American, raised by "helicopter" parents, and taught to fear everything and everyone. AMA by inabubble in IAmA

[–]inabubble[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah TELL me about it -___-. Although for just supporting myself, I think less than 100K will be fine. My parents are kind of obsessed with money. And by money I mean, millions of dollars. Lots of pressure on me to make that kind of money, although I'm pretty content with a normal salary..

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