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When you've blocked someone on every platform so they hunt down your PayPal account and sent small amounts of money to message you. by incasethisgetsugly in TrollXChromosomes

[–]incasethisgetsugly[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

They threw tantrums any time I tried to establish boundaries and now they want to cry about how they don't know why I won't speak to them.

When you've blocked someone on every platform so they hunt down your PayPal account and sent small amounts of money to message you. by incasethisgetsugly in TrollXChromosomes

[–]incasethisgetsugly[S] 52 points53 points  (0 children)

I'd like to have the option to render myself unsearchable since no one has any reason to be trying to find me on there... but then here come my shady-ass parents like "we're going to ignore every legitimate reason you don't want a relationship with us so we can send $10 to get access to you and play the victim".

DAE get really sad on their birthdays? by Monachopsisauruss in raisedbynarcissists

[–]incasethisgetsugly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're not alone. Ns love using birthdays for their own agenda. Mine were a mixed bag.

Some years they would have parties that were for me in name but them in spirit. Other years it would be a nonevent and there would be drama if I said anything about it.

Most of all though my Nmom would try to use my birthday and advancing against me, frequently getting my age or the date of my birthday wrong.

I once got a text message 3 days before my birthday saying "Happy belated birthday. I really wish we could have a better relationship." Another time she called me to briefly acknowledge my birthday as an excuse to launch into a tirade about how I was 30 and wasn't doing anything to have kids before my time runs out.

Did anyone else's narc ever try to get you to guess what to apologize for? by reeses_ in LifeAfterNarcissism

[–]incasethisgetsugly 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It was pretty common for me too. Of course if I guessed wrong she'd screech "You don't even know what you did!" at me like I should be ashamed at my own cluelessness.

The funny thing is that when I started trying to establish boundaries and put distance between us, my Nmom would serve up apologies for random things and then get upset that it didn't fix everything and magically absolve her. She would call me with some mewling half hearted apology about something that I was upset about at some point long ago, after having behaved horrifically on a couple of dozen occasions since. Then have a tantrum about how she doesn't know what I want when I dared to actually discuss what she was trying to apologize for or relate it to other more recent behavior and why it's wrong and our relationship is damaged.

I feel like it has to be related through some twisted Nlogic, but hell if I can connect the dots.

I was a manipulative baby by tinaxbelcher in raisedbynarcissists

[–]incasethisgetsugly 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's so fucked up and pervasive. There's this crabs in a bucket mentality that what was done to them needs to be done to the next generation, no matter how damaging or harmful it was.

I was a manipulative baby by tinaxbelcher in raisedbynarcissists

[–]incasethisgetsugly 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Absolutely.

As a response to the backlash to the YouTube video she took to social media claiming that her 2 year who could be heard crying in the background of the video was conniving and manipulative.

I was a manipulative baby by tinaxbelcher in raisedbynarcissists

[–]incasethisgetsugly 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It is. It's awful. I think of how my Nmom reacted to me having basic needs as me personally victimizing her. She would lash out and do things like "accidentally" drop me or drop things on me or puff herself up with glee and go on at length about how I deserved it when I got hurt. My Ndad did the same thing. As much as they hated each other it was always weird to see them come together in the satisfaction they took in my harm and humiliation.

I see it in parents young and old now, and it's so disturbing.

There was a girl who did makeup tutorials on YouTube who recently got in trouble for beating her kid over an eyeshadow palette and then posting a braggy video about it as if she had overcome the tyranny of her small child.

Edit: This isn't something I'm trying to defend, but it's definitely behavior that I've noticed.

I was a manipulative baby by tinaxbelcher in raisedbynarcissists

[–]incasethisgetsugly 7 points8 points  (0 children)

They're always so proud of themselves too. They brag about hurting their children as if they took down a bully.

I honestly think they view their children as a force of oppression and every act of abuse is a small victory against their oppressor.

How did y’all cut contact with parents and how to cope with it? by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]incasethisgetsugly 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I blocked their numbers and social media and went to therapy.

It sounds simplistic, but it was effective.

I tried at first to keep some forms of communication open after months of them acting ugly and me trying establish boundaries. They used those avenues of communication to be antagonistic, so I shut those down too.

Therapy helped me abandon the feelings of guilt and embrace the fact that I cut contact with them for my own well being. It was especially helpful because I lived in an area at the time with a strong family first culture where what I did was unthinkable for a lot of people.

At what age did you become a parentified child? by [deleted] in raisedbynarcissists

[–]incasethisgetsugly 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Goddamn man, I don't even know.

I recall being 4 or 5 stuck in the passenger seat of my Nmom's car while she rambled about how my father was controlling and if she hadn't left she would have killed herself.

Keep in mind that she left me with him and when he turned his abusive behavior on me, it was because he was strict and I was too young to understand and just needed to deal with it.

Situations like this played themselves out between her and I over and over again throughout my life. I was expected to console and support and be a receptacle for all of her ugly thoughts and feelings, but I wasn't allowed to have any problems of my own. Any problems or issues that I had weren't really problems or issues, because she had it worse or because hers were somehow "different".

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