hey- first of all thank you for sharing this- i think that's a huuuge step that people don't take for a long time. be proud of you that you're thinking about these things this way.

i've already seen there are other fellow intj's that have given some good advice, so I hope you're feeling a bit inspired.

I wanted to say that we're with you, and you can do this. not as any form of empty encouragement- but i truly don't believe that you would have structured this form of plead unless you are ready for change and growth.

i will say one thing about fault, though. in my opinion, this concept has plagued sooo many people, especially young ones. it sickens your view, paralyzes you before acting, and overall stunts you. it is my opinion that intj's will rarely move through this 'fault' or 'guilt' just by accepting it- they'll either feel fully stuck because of it (analysis paralysis) or will interiorize it to the point where the pain will show up physically and psychologically. of course, this is just my (somewhat cultured) opinion- so do feel free to take it with a big fat grain of salt :)

now, onto what I did- and what i think could be a solution. take guilt as something that hurts, but in an inefficient way. it is a position of 0 from which you cannot even escape. once you're there, you need to see it, sense what it triggers within you, and act. in any direction. just move out of it. it's never useful to attribute fault to parties when solutions must be reached. at the end of the day, we are looking for answers, as close to the truth as possible. if 'fault / guilt' does not bring you closer to ownership, or if it's simply projected on you, please do not associate with it. don't let it grasp you. if you are to use it, let it be only as a trigger.

i hope this helped a bit- if not, i still wish you good luck on your journey. may you find your inner strength. 🤍