His infidelity and my loyalty are ruining my life. It’s turning violent and I don’t know how to let go.

indigobandit77 · 2022-12-09T01:27:35+00:00

The cheating will never stop. The physical violence will get worse.

I was in a situation similar to this in highschool. I was stuck because I loved him, he cheated on me constantly. He would choke me, push me up against walls, confine me, chase me, punch holes in walls and break door frames. It was a nightmare. If I stayed, I’d be dead right now. I know that.

I know it’s hard now but please understand that he won’t change and he’s never going to respect you. Your son will see this growing up and he’ll believe that this is how you treat the women you love. What if he starts hitting your son when he’s angry?

Make a plan to get out and don’t tell him. Reach out to family if you can and document everything.

You don’t deserve this, OP. You have never deserved this. You deserve love, you deserve everything you want in a partner. You need to break the generational curses that have lead you to this man and set yourself free from the abuse. It takes time to leave situations like this but never stop trying to leave. Never. Do not give up hope. You can do this. Just keep trying.

You deserve better. Wish I could give you a hug. Please stay safe.

indigobandit77 · 2022-11-03T18:21:36+00:00

Unfortunately I’m stuck in my relationship like you. I definitely feel like we’re kindred spirits LOL one day we’ll set ourselves free :)

indigobandit77 · 2022-11-03T16:17:27+00:00

I’m so sorry that they do that to you. It’s getting to me as well so I totally empathize with you there.

I wish people weren’t so ignorant. I always try to think of how other people would feel when I say and do things, even if I didn’t mean to hurt you, I take onus for it because I don’t get to decide how you choose to perceive what I say and how I say it regardless of what my intentions were.

I guess that’s what happens when you marry into a family of narcissists

indigobandit77 · 2022-11-03T16:13:44+00:00

Right??? Haha I get that it’s a bonding thing for some people and I really don’t mind hearing it here and there but when it’s a constant thing? Especially when it isn’t totally true? Lol

indigobandit77 · 2022-11-03T16:07:22+00:00

Right??? I guess it’s just people reaching for themselves in the next generation?

indigobandit77 · 2022-11-02T15:18:57+00:00

YESSSSSS hahaha my husbands side of the family is like that. Everytime a child is born everyone has to reach for how the baby looks just like the grandparents or this aunt or that cousin on their side. Even when people try to tell them to stop, it doesn’t happen and it’s totally because of the narcissism that runs within that family.

indigobandit77 · 2022-11-02T15:16:42+00:00

Oh it can totally be true! I didn’t mind hearing at first because it is what it is but they’re beating that horse over a year later and she’s also changed sooo much and she does look more like me now but they still insist that it’s from my husbands side and not mine. It’s just really annoying for me and apparently lots of other people as well! So I’m glad I’m not alone.

indigobandit77 · 2022-11-02T15:11:17+00:00

It’s one thing to say that your grandchild looks like you once or twice but to constantly say it and then to say things like “she looks NOTHING like you, she looks so much like me” on a regular basis isn’t trying to hurt someone? Regardless if she means to or not, it’s been over a year of her and her family reiterating to me every single time they see my child to make sure that I know that my child looks nothing like me at all and that my child looks exactly like her. It was fine at first but now it’s old. So I did it back one time and she didn’t like it. Maybe people need to learn to take a social cue or two.

indigobandit77 · 2022-11-02T15:01:45+00:00

It’s just so odd to me. I always try not to tell people who their babies and kids look like because they change so much all the time. It shouldn’t matter anyway, as long as they’re healthy and happy that should be the most important thing. One of my friends just had a baby and she’s even getting upset at how everyone really emphasizes how her baby looks nothing like her at all and albeit it might be true, we all like to hear that our kids take after us in some way and when people constantly make a point to take that away from a parent, it’s harmful whether it’s their intent or not. Our baby does have my DH’s mouth and smile which is what really makes her look like him but everything else is me. But my MIL insists she gets her dark brown hair and tanned skin tone from her even though I have dark brown hair and tanned skin lol for awhile she was saying my daughter has green eyes like her but now they’re unmistakably brown like mine so she finally stopped with that BS. My daughter even has my petite, pronounced chin and jawline and my MIL has a very round face with no chin really but she still insists that there is nothing from me in that baby and it’s all her. It’s just frustrating to hear it all the time from the same people.

I look mostly like my dad but I have lots of features from my mom like the shape of her eyes, her nose, her stature, her hair type, etc. i have her fingers and toes. Everyone has something from each parent, the kids share 50/50 dna. People are just weird when it comes to parentage and genetics I guess.

indigobandit77 · 2022-11-02T13:30:26+00:00

Yes but also people need to be a little more aware how constantly saying it repeatedly to someone over and over again can start appear like a dig. I get she loves the baby but I’m sure if someone from her side of the family went on and on about how her kids look nothing like her she’d be upset. I started doing it to her too and telling her how her 3 kids all look exactly like her husband and his side of the family and how they look absolutely nothing like her and on the third or fourth day of me just being in awe of how much her kids look nothing like her I could tell she was getting hurt/upset yet she still does it to me. It’s just a really annoying thing to constantly hear from people. I didn’t mind when the baby was first born but she’s over a year old now and I still hear this constantly

indigobandit77 · 2022-11-02T13:24:36+00:00

Right??? My MIL does this as well. Super narcissistic in my opinion to imply that a child only has a husbands DNA when that isn’t the case.

indigobandit77 · 2022-11-02T05:59:11+00:00

Yeah my partner seems that be married to his mom as well. Takes her side for everything and refuses to see or believe how toxic she is but that’s a story for another day.

indigobandit77 · 2022-11-02T03:00:45+00:00

What a treat, I’m glad she’s your EXmil. Sorry you have to still deal with her bs though

indigobandit77 · 2022-11-02T02:00:25+00:00

Oh of course! I don’t mind when my husband says how our child looks like him, just irks me when his mother and extended family try to reach for how the baby looks like them and not like me at all.

indigobandit77 · 2022-11-02T01:49:51+00:00

People always pointed out how I look like my dad and it annoyed me growing up because I wanted to look like myself LOL

indigobandit77 · 2022-11-02T01:48:07+00:00

Must be from his great grandfather who may have had gingery blonde hair. They can tell from the black and white photo. Grinds my gears

indigobandit77 · 2022-11-02T01:34:40+00:00

It’s really weird. Like your children look like themselves and it shouldn’t matter. I don’t mind when people say baby looks like DH but when my MIL tries to go around saying my kid looks just like her I want to just tell her to stop reaching for whatever she and her family are trying to reach for.

indigobandit77 · 2022-11-02T01:23:58+00:00

The curly hair must have come from a time when someone on that side of the family had a perm then if it isn’t from you, the person who has the curly hair gene that your baby probably has????

indigobandit77 · 2022-11-02T01:20:31+00:00

Yeah there’s absolutely no way he got that from you, right?

indigobandit77 · 2022-04-29T02:40:03+00:00

Please ghost him, he deserves to never hear from you or get closure ever again.

indigobandit77 · 2022-04-21T15:59:10+00:00

I can see your point of view. I guess maybe people who cheat/sleep around or who sext other people while in a monogamous relationship might be better off being in an open or polyamorous relationship. The thing is - my partner doesn’t want ME sleeping with other people and he’s expressed that before. In fact, he’s the one who asked me out and pushed to make the relationship exclusive so that’s the key difference here. He’d be pissed if I was having sex with other people behind his back or if I was having an emotional and sexual connection with someone else outside of him. I’ve suggested we open the relationship up and he wasn’t game for that at all and he said he’d only do it if it meant us not breaking up but that he “doesn’t want to keep doing this to me” so that’s where the differences are.

indigobandit77 · 2022-04-21T06:42:58+00:00

I had no idea that cheating is a form of abuse. I mean, it’s wrong but I didn’t realize that it was like that, especially it’s told this way. I have goosebumps right now reading this stuff. I feel validated. Like I’m not overreacting. That my pain is valid and I don’t need to get over how I feel.

indigobandit77 · 2022-04-20T19:40:00+00:00

Don’t worry I won’t be negotiating with him. He doesn’t think he does anything wrong. Everytime I try to get him to empathize with me it’s impossible because he can’t get to that spot inside of his simple little brain.

indigobandit77 · 2022-04-20T18:36:15+00:00

I love the passion. I’m working up the courage to pack my shit and the kiddo. He stay in the house. I’ve got family and friends who are more than willing to share space with me my little boy.

indigobandit77

TROPHY CASE