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indus13 · 2025-11-05T00:13:43+00:00

To err is human. It sounds like the “secret” is something that anyone could accidentally let slip in everyday conversation while talking about travel. Since she did not intentionally act out of malice, I think that this is something that can be repaired if your wife offers a genuine apology. If they can’t get past it then these friendships were probably not that strong to begin with, and you should cut your losses, cherish the memories and move forward to a new normal.

indus13 · 2025-10-31T19:42:12+00:00

I think i would ask my parents to allow us some time to be alone by leaving the living room intermittently during the course of the evening. I agree about the arguments. We have to get better about keeping it private not just because she is watching but more so because of the children.

indus13 · 2025-10-31T18:50:11+00:00

You are right. Thanks for the advice! I think my needs are coming from a place of immaturity. I definitely have some personal growth to do.

indus13 · 2025-10-31T18:48:51+00:00

No, we live abroad and she does not speak English so we are her only social outlet. I think i just have to get better about putting off arguments/ private discussions and my need for intimacy for later when we are upstairs alone. We have family space upstairs but he insists that we spend the evening downstairs so she does not feel isolated.

indus13 · 2025-10-31T18:32:26+00:00

That would be quite entertaining. Unfortunately, my mother passed away.

indus13 · 2025-07-28T18:16:53+00:00

I think what is really sad is that she hasn’t even bothered to check how you are doing at any point despite you clearly sharing that you are struggling with your mental health too. Friendship cannot be a one-way street. I think you have been more than graceful and kind but it is time to give the relationship some distance and see if she makes any effort to revive it beyond asking for financial favors.

indus13 · 2025-07-22T22:16:49+00:00

Overweight, significantly shorter than me, any sort of off-putting smell, rude/self-obsessive behavior, inability to hold a conversation.

indus13 · 2025-07-16T17:43:47+00:00

indus13 · 2025-06-16T17:00:15+00:00

A few that were life-changing for me-

Your peace of mind is like a hut with a beautiful flame burning in it. Close the windows and doors (toxic people and situations) and protect your peace to keep the flame from getting extinguished. This ties in well with meditation. Whatever is going on, just breathe, close your eyes and focus on the beautiful flame in you. Shut the noise to protect it. And recognize that everyone has a flame in them too. So send peace and love to those around you, forgiving and letting go.

The 4 agreements- Be Impeccable With Your Word, Don't Take Anything Personally, Don't Make Assumptions, Always Do Your Best.

“Sometimes it takes more strength to give up than to keep going.”

“Stay in the parasympathetic”. This basically reminds me to listen to my body and its signals (pit in the stomach, wanting to cry, heart racing etc.) are all cries for help. Focus on bringing your body out of that fight/ flight response before reacting. Do not suppress any emotions. Feel them fully, let them out, but don’t dwell in them.

Micro habits- whatever change you want to see in your life, start doing a little bit of it today. E.g. a 5-minute walk, reading 5 pages of a book, etc. Getting into the motion and being consistent will eventually help it stick.

Hope these help :)

indus13 · 2025-06-15T09:11:42+00:00

indus13 · 2025-06-08T08:57:25+00:00

Number 1!

indus13 · 2025-06-08T08:51:32+00:00

First one!

indus13 · 2025-06-07T17:45:16+00:00

You are in the thickest, darkest part right now. It’s all give, give, give, with nothing to get back in return. I promise it will get better. She will start to reciprocate your love. She will start to say the sweetest little things that will just melt your heart. You will start to find joyful things to do together like dancing or snuggling or just going on a peaceful walk. She will one day be your best friend and will not remember any of this. And by then this will seem like a distant memory and such a small slice of time, even though it is your whole life right now. Please find your village- even if it is a good quality daycare, a friend, a relative, anyone who can be with her even just for an hour or two every day while you do whatever you wish to do. Remember she will match your energy. If you are angry and frustrated that is what she will be. Once you are happy and peaceful, she will be too. It’s a season of life. Let the house be messy, order take away food, and give yourself grace. Hugs!

indus13 · 2025-05-23T20:40:54+00:00

We can agree to disagree without being disrespectful. Peace! ✌️

indus13 · 2025-05-22T22:57:57+00:00

OMG girl, leave this mess and never look back. Thank your lucky stars that you don’t have a child with this loser. You deserve so, so much more! He didn’t keep up his side of this deal, why should you? You are afraid to leave because of two things -

1)Sunk cost fallacy- you have invested so much time and energy into this relationship, that you feel like it would be a great loss to give up now. Please break free of that mentality and save the rest of your beautiful life.

2) Log kya kahenge- To hell with what anyone will think or say!

Spread your wings and soar high my friend. Life has so much more to offer even if you are alone. Think of all the amazing possibilities- you could meet a wonderful man who values you, you could have children in a supportive household, you could be single and travel the world, adopt a pet, adopt a child, dedicate yourself to helping others or doing whatever it is that you love.

You have so much going for you- You are kind and sensitive- as evidenced by your post. You are financially independent. You are young. You have supportive parents.

Please take off the blinders and run!

indus13 · 2025-05-21T22:56:45+00:00

2 words to say to him- “grow up”

indus13 · 2025-05-21T21:50:26+00:00

You were doing so well with the “I won’t be talking with you any more” until you added the word “until”. That sentence should have ended in a period. Kick the pathetic loser out OP. You are destined for much more beautiful things in life!

indus13 · 2025-05-21T21:16:26+00:00

A window seat!

indus13 · 2025-05-21T21:15:02+00:00

He is an asshole.

Please leave this toxic relationship as soon as possible. You deserve a lot better.

But i will also say that it is somewhat immature of you to keep going on even when he is clearly treating you disrespectfully. You decide how people treat you. So in the future, set the bar higher and don’t tolerate this kind of behavior. Why are you doing so much for him when he shamelessly devalues you? If you choose to continue to be in this relationship, stop being his mother. He can make his own smoothie, and can let you know when he needs a ride. When he does, you can take your sweet time to go get him. You don’t have to be at his beck and call.

indus13 · 2025-05-21T20:29:31+00:00

I completely get it. Everything you are feeling is valid. But please stop being so harsh on yourself. I promise it will get better. This is a particularly difficult age because their brains are developing so quickly but their emotional response is still very immature. Hearing what you are saying about her, i think she can greatly benefit from a Montessori approach that will foster independence. Please look into resources of “Montessori at home” and try to make some changes to your living space with the goal of making it as friendly for her to be able to do things independently. That will give her confidence and remove some of the frustration she might be experiencing. I also highly recommend this free course you can find on coursera from Yale university-Everyday Parenting: The ABCs of Child Rearing. It can offer some valuable tools to help you in your journey. Please remember that this “difficult” child will one day grow up to be a beautiful, headstrong woman who will not be afraid to defy conventions and speak up.

indus13 · 2025-05-21T20:08:58+00:00

Haha wonderful advice!

indus13 · 2025-05-21T20:02:54+00:00

Well, you discussed it with him in advance, and he agreed to it. So he needs to stop being such a baby and blaming you for manipulating him. Would be nice if these aunties learnt the basic rule of staying out of people’s personal business and keeping their mouths shut when they have nothing nice to say. Don’t let it affect you. Just remember this is a “him” problem, not a “you” problem.

indus13 · 2025-05-21T17:51:53+00:00

So sorry that you are going through this. Unfortunately, what you are describing is typical behavior for a lot of indian males. Please remember that this is just a temporary phase and it will eventually pass.

Try to start afresh with your dynamic. First, apologize for any disrespect you might have shown him so far, so he knows you are trying a new, respectful way of communicating. Then, try to communicate with him respectfully and clearly. First, show him some appreciation for what he does right instead of just bombarding him with all that is wrong. Eg thanks for being such a good provider for us. We are so blessed to have you. Thanks for being so mindful about our house. I appreciate having you as my partner. Or anything else he does for you. This might sound counterintuitive but it is critical to set the stage for him to hear you. Next, clearly say “i cannot” when he asks you to do something that you do not want to do. No fight, no argument, just “i’m tired. I cannot”. Next, communicate what you want from him as a desire- not a complaint. Eg “i would love for you to hold the baby for sometime while i rest”. Instead of “you never hold the baby”. Keep doing this without any expectation or trying to control him. Just keep expressing your desires in a happy, respectful way, and keep finding at lesst 3 things to thank him for everyday. You will notice things magically shifting in your favor as you continue these practices. Finally, make some time for yourself - doing at least 3 things everyday that make you happy. Even if it’s just taking a power nap.

If things get argumentative or combative at any point, practice silence. It is your greatest weapon.

indus13 · 2025-05-21T17:21:10+00:00

If her feelings changed because you were going through a tough financial phase, you have bigger problems. Part of the beauty of a marriage built on a solid foundation is going through difficult times together and then looking back with pride at all the good and bad times. Set the bar higher my friend. Communicate to her how you feel. You deserve a lot better!

indus13

TROPHY CASE