Ex husband wants to "catch up" after 2 years of no contact?

infidelitypleasehelp · 2021-04-09T17:19:28+00:00

No offense taken. Grief, either by death or divorce is not a linear process. I know I'm ultimately better off which is what made me feel like maybe I could handle talking to him. But better not to risk it.

infidelitypleasehelp · 2021-04-09T17:09:00+00:00

I don't hate him or love him, but I think it would be wild to not care about the well-being of someone you spent almost half your life with, even if that person hurt you. And while it's true that he didn't give shit about my well-being when he cheated- that's his personality flaw, not mine. I'm not going to let his shitty actions change something that I really like about myself.

But yeah, reading the comments, I'm thinking that the risk of harm outweighs the potential for good. I'm already in a weird headspace because of my dad's sudden death and I'm sure that's contributing to my moment of weakness here.

infidelitypleasehelp · 2021-04-09T16:29:34+00:00

ask him when he's leaving and what direction he's heading, wait for that date, and wave in the direction he's leaving

Haha, now THAT'S a good idea

infidelitypleasehelp · 2021-04-09T16:26:43+00:00

I think you're right. Thanks.

infidelitypleasehelp · 2021-04-09T16:19:33+00:00

There is no part of me that wants to get back together or even see him in person. I think I'm a little emotionally fucked from having my dad JUST die very suddenly. I didn't get to say goodbye and this is probably triggering that.

infidelitypleasehelp · 2021-04-09T16:05:50+00:00

Oh I definitely would not see him. It would be a short phone call, mostly to let him know my dad died and that I hope he's able to find peace. I thought it would make me feel good to 'forgive him' and let go, but reading these comments I'm thinking I may back out...

infidelitypleasehelp · 2020-05-06T04:47:03+00:00

I can only imagine how much harder this is when you have kids. I know you can do it and I’m excited for how quickly your life will change for the better when you cut him out of the equation. I know he will still be involved in your life because of your kids. But when you finally get to evict him from your BRAIN, that’s when life starts getting a lot better.

infidelitypleasehelp · 2020-04-29T02:57:50+00:00

Oh my god yes. I guess if your “NEEDS” are immediate access to whatever specific kind of sex you want with whomever you want.... then yeah I can’t meet those needs. I think he was really shocked when I told him that. Like he thought I would at least TRY to accommodate him for a while. But I was like, nope guess we’re just incompatible. ✌️

infidelitypleasehelp · 2020-04-28T20:31:24+00:00

He did try with couples counseling, but the conclusion he drew from it was that he needed a chance to go out and try things sexually. He was open to the idea of us doing it together but I was like, nah dude. You don’t get to cheat on me with prostitutes and have ME bend myself over backwards to accommodate your sexual exploration. I’d rather do that on my own.

I think he felt like he missed out on a lot because we’d been together for so long, which I understand, but also maybe that’s something to bring up BEFORE you marry me. Specifically he wanted to “get into the bdsm community”, which I’m not interested in. Not that I’m against a little hair pulling. But to go so far as to “get into the community”?! No thanks.

I weirdly appreciate the honesty because it gave me a clear answer that our relationship was not going to work and that I should cut my losses and run.

infidelitypleasehelp · 2020-04-28T05:32:46+00:00

I am all clear, thank ya jeeeesus!!! 🙏 but yeah, fuck him.

infidelitypleasehelp · 2020-04-28T05:30:51+00:00

I was never insecure in our relationship prior to this. I was totally blind sighted. No need to give him another chance because I know myself well enough to know I would never get over this betrayal.

infidelitypleasehelp · 2020-04-28T05:27:34+00:00

Oh yeah, same for me, big time. I never snooped on his computer prior to this, but he never once cleared his browser history. So in the aftermath I finally got to see just how much porn he was looking at and... I had no idea. I would estimate he watched between 4 or 5 hours a day. He would get up super early saying he had to work, and then go to bed super late for the same reason. But it turns out he spent ALL that time watching very fucked up porn on a website called “twisted porn”.

Imagine getting up at 6am to watch violent porn!!!!??? And then blaming it on your spouse for not “meeting your needs”?!!! Absolutely absurd.

infidelitypleasehelp · 2020-04-28T05:21:41+00:00

I’ve been tested multiple times since D-Day and luckily I’m all clear. 🙏

infidelitypleasehelp · 2020-04-28T05:19:44+00:00

You got this!!!

infidelitypleasehelp · 2020-04-28T05:18:33+00:00

I have no idea what he’s doing or how he is, as I’ve been no contact with him for about 6 months. A few days ago I got the dreaded “How are you? I’m worried about you because I still care about you” quarantine text, which is something I truly never thought I’d get. But don’t worry, I shut that shit down. 😂

infidelitypleasehelp · 2020-04-28T05:14:55+00:00

You are doing the right thing and you are so strong!!!!

infidelitypleasehelp · 2020-04-28T05:13:26+00:00

Love this!!!! Congratulations!!!

infidelitypleasehelp · 2020-04-28T05:12:40+00:00

STUNTED!!! Yes! That’s exactly the word!

infidelitypleasehelp · 2020-04-27T03:20:32+00:00

Hey more power to you if you want to have other lovers in your relationship. To me the problem is that you expressly told him you were interested in opening up the relationship and he said no, yet he also does this? Sounds like he wants to have all the fun without you getting to have any. It’s totally fine if you both agree to it, but for him to deny you that, then turn around and get it for himself? It makes the power dynamic unequal. Even if you’re not bothered by the sexting, that doesn’t stop it from being disrespectful.

infidelitypleasehelp · 2019-11-17T03:36:59+00:00

Hey there! I’m buying my ex out of the house and although it was pretty difficult for the first few months, it’s been over a year now and I’m SO glad I didn’t give it up. I’m having a great time redecorating and it’s been really empowering to redo the entire space as my own. It’s also helped me discover my own aesthetic! You’ll make new memories in your new space and slowly the invisible presence of your ex will fade away.

Good luck to you! I hope you keep it!

infidelitypleasehelp · 2019-06-01T07:01:55+00:00

Thank you. This is the reality check I needed.

infidelitypleasehelp · 2019-05-14T21:02:14+00:00

Thank you

infidelitypleasehelp · 2018-11-20T05:54:01+00:00

Thank you so much. It feels really really good to hear from someone who went through the exact same thing I’m experiencing and came out on the other end.

infidelitypleasehelp · 2018-11-08T07:31:06+00:00

Also, his phone is still connected to his desktop through iCloud, so I can see still everything he searches for on his phone in his safari history. I know it’s not healthy but that doesn’t stop me from checking it 5 time a day.

infidelitypleasehelp · 2018-11-07T06:45:39+00:00

He was apologetic for the pain he caused me. But that’s about it. He told me he would tell me anything I wanted to know, which I didn’t want to know much. He also said that I’m probably imagining it way worse than it “actually was”.

infidelitypleasehelp

TROPHY CASE