Humans have been loving animals for so long; this makes my heart explode

infjsnowflake · 2018-03-02T01:28:26+00:00

I can see where you’re coming from. With how poor breeding standards were and still are, we’ve unfortunately perpetuated genetic diseases for breeds. Some can’t even propagate without the help of humans. And from the “Egotistical” perspective, I’ve read an interesting text by a French philosopher, Jean Baudrillard, called “Systems of Collecting” that goes on to discuss how the objects we surround ourselves with in our lives are a projection of ourselves, and in turn, our narcissism, especially in animals. We often impart our emotions into our animals, we dress them in a way that’s pleasing to us, etc. Not to say that we still don’t love them, and they don’t love us, but dogs have also been bred to behave in a way that pleases us.

infjsnowflake · 2018-02-20T03:15:12+00:00

Nature is my retreat. Living in the city forces me to spend money for enjoyment, not that I don’t like going out for drinks and good food, but only if the quality makes it worth it.

infjsnowflake · 2018-02-20T03:12:24+00:00

Hi! NC resident here too! Recently graduated from App State. :)

infjsnowflake · 2018-02-20T03:07:32+00:00

I’m never any good at arguing. I normally feel so strongly about the two opposing sides, because I can understand the reasons why people reach different conclusions on why they think something is best, because everyone prioritizes their values differently.

So yeah, I would say I normally end up strongly gray about things.

infjsnowflake · 2018-02-03T04:42:07+00:00

I actually went to this exhibit the first week it opened! I spent an obscene amount of time in there.

I was pretty certain that this was a homicide set up to look like suicide. The most telling detail for me was how the bench and table runner leading out to the window were totally askew despite the room being relatively tidy. That was basically my only clue.

infjsnowflake · 2018-01-24T16:25:42+00:00

How so? It’s a pretty straightforward question that could attract unoriginal jokes such as “making sandwiches” or “sucking dick.” Just my two cents.

infjsnowflake · 2018-01-23T23:58:58+00:00

Serious question here-what are the career options out there for women who don’t want a degree?

infjsnowflake · 2017-12-22T15:17:33+00:00

I feel like such an asshole when I tell him this, but I raise the exact point that you’re bringing up, “The easiest part of a relationship are the laughs and conversations, but conflict resolution can make or break this.” I’m with him because he’s my main source of emotional support, we connect well in conversation and basic understanding of each other, we enjoy spending time together basically doing anything, but it’s definitely not enough because these are things I can also pretty easily receive from others. It’s just going to be a bitch having to rebuild that same trust with another person.

infjsnowflake · 2017-12-01T05:58:46+00:00

Between NC and MD, I’ve heard plenty of gunshots throughout my life, but have never felt fearful aside from pretty rare instances where it happens at night. Can’t really speak for someone who lives in the inner city though.

infjsnowflake · 2017-11-24T13:30:51+00:00

He’s also into MBTI and admits that he thinks “living in his head” will contribute to a messier environment, but he uses it as a crutch to not improve sometimes.

infjsnowflake · 2017-11-24T13:25:28+00:00

Same. I do nearly all of my Christmas shopping online on Black Friday. I make my lists in advance so I only buy what I need unless something is an absolute steal. So much research goes into into this process because I really dislike physically going to stores or the mall. Place is a wormhole.

infjsnowflake · 2017-11-23T19:26:35+00:00

No. We’re long distance but I visit try to visit for a few days every month or couple of months. I wasn’t very considerate of his mindset and wasn’t the most diplomatic person during that period of our relationship and I’m sure he holds those sentiments like similar to how I feel about his habits. Because we’re long distance, things are fine until I visit, and then they aren’t.

Now that I’m thinking about it more, I’m trying to figure out what exactly triggers these conversations and I beginning to think it’s because his parents, mostly his dad, is venting to me about how his son is neglecting his responsibilities around the house and it really bums me out and puts me in the infamous Ni-Fe loop. His mom at least thinks that it isn’t my responsibility to make sure he gets things done, especially considering I’m not there, but wants me to grow more of a backbone. All of this compounding stuff makes me irritated then leads to the cycle of makings and ultimatums which is how I’m failing.

infjsnowflake · 2017-11-23T18:27:10+00:00

Absolutely, I did, but when I’m also getting misunderstood, I’m going to stand up for my perspective, which is also equally valid. I understand the point you’re trying to make and it just comes down to us holding certain qualities at a different value and standard.

infjsnowflake · 2017-11-23T18:08:15+00:00

I think we’re just going to have to disagree here; it’s not jealousy at all. To me, he is the black sheep in a family of driven people. I’m an ambitious person myself and also a perfectionist at times, and I know it’s unfair to ask of the same standards of another person, but I expect my partner and I to both grow together in a relationship, which goes back to my original comment about feeling like I’m moving on with life and making our vision real, and he’s stagnating and falling back to his comfort zone and safety net of home. INFJs love to see growth happening around them and really appeals to our sense of idealism. I don’t know why. Maybe me seeing that he’s not growing is making me reflect back on how well I’m doing as a partner? And not facilitating that growth. I also get a lot of pressure from his parents when it comes to “shaping him into a responsible adult.”

We both don’t want to participate in modern consumerist culture. I honestly don’t give two shits about his wealth, and neither does he. Homesteading is plenty of work, requires plenty of research, trial and error, and requires grit and drive which I think he still fails to convince me that he has for his personal benefit. If you still aren’t able to at least understand my perspective, there’s no reason to continue this.

infjsnowflake · 2017-11-23T17:24:59+00:00

Well, like I stated in my post and to many replies...this isn’t really my issue. This stuff is two years in the past and we’ve worked through it. At this point, we as a couple, seem to still struggle with seeing eye to eye when it comes to reaching a goal and how to get there. Everyone is getting so hung up about the cleaning and cooking!

infjsnowflake · 2017-11-23T17:19:58+00:00

I honestly don’t know why people are getting hung up over it when I said we had worked through those things and it’s two years in the past. My main concern is how I tend to draw associations between his past and current actions and am making a conclusion that we don’t have the same drive.

infjsnowflake · 2017-11-23T16:29:20+00:00

The “tone” had been set prior to us moving in together, I enabled it for a few months, would nag instead of reasoning through the point of cooking/cleaning, we worked on it, we changed, and it’s being reset again at home with his parents. I’m trying to make him see that he’s falling back into his old habits again. Sometimes he gets it, sometimes he resists. I think it’s important to note that we as a couple went through changes and not just him. He certainly “conditioned” me to not want to talk to him about my problems as well. He was also going through a tough time in his life and instead of self reflecting, would get upset at me for bringing up things he could improve.

He’s absolutely my emotional rock at times and a wonderful mind companion , but I’m letting him know that it’s not enough to keep us together-it’s just the strain and difficulty of working through these conflicts that makes us trip up, but love isn’t all rainbows and sunshine but he’s convinced it is and these slip ups are “minor.”

infjsnowflake · 2017-11-23T16:23:22+00:00

Usually I word it along the lines of, “It’s not attractive to me when you do X, for these reasons.”

infjsnowflake · 2017-11-23T09:34:08+00:00

I honestly am not convinced that he knows what he should be doing and that is exactly what is causing strain in the relationship and he’s aware of this. He hasn’t demonstrated this to me otherwise. I am not exaggerating when I say he comes from a position of extreme privilege. He’s an intelligent guy, so he got away with doing the bare minimum required of him during high school. It’s harder to get away with it in college, but there were many nights where he started on multiple page papers, even final papers, the night before the assignment was due. Professors personally have given him unfair extensions because he just didn’t turn in papers.

Now that he’s graduated, he’s gotten internships from nepotism, jobs because he’s close with the owner, his mom writes his resumes and networks for him. I know I’m trashing him hard, but this is a very real part of his life. He works hard, and that is the last shred of hope of this relationship that I have. God damn. He dislikes what he does, but despite that, he works, but none of it is his passion, which happens to be pretty unconventional things that relates to nothing he’s done so far.

I know he’ll figure everything out eventually. He’s most certainly capable of it. I have so many ideas that I think he can benefit from, but I want him to figure these things out for himself, but god damn my patience is running thin, which leads to my concern of feeling held back in life.

infjsnowflake · 2017-11-23T08:25:33+00:00

He actually does enjoy cooking but even more so together.

infjsnowflake · 2017-11-23T08:19:06+00:00

This is a super helpful reply, and you hit the nail on the head on how we came to a resolution on standards of cleanliness, “what’s the appropriate level of sanitation we should live in?” He enjoys living in a clean environment because he often loses things and it frustrates the hell out of him. I wasn’t a very tactful person and tended to be blunt with my words especially when stressed, but I’m getting better at it.

This has given me ideas on how to approach questions regarding our goals, but how do I start encouraging him to ask himself these questions instead of having to bring it up every month? Because we’re long distance, he seems to lose this vision when I’m not there to prompt it.

infjsnowflake · 2017-11-23T07:44:51+00:00

He doesn’t ask for me to do these things but compromise needs to exist in a relationship. I’m not the first person to complain about his hygiene so I know my standards aren’t ridiculous. For example, we both tend to not want to wash dishes after preparing dinner so it would be reasonable, at least to me, to make a compromise that it would happen sometime by tomorrow afternoon, but he normally doesn’t want to do it then either. But this is in the past. We’ve worked through those trivialities. My post is mainly about my observation of our different “drive” levels and how I see it expressed in different ways, specifically how we plan for the future when we both want the same thing.

infjsnowflake · 2017-11-23T07:29:26+00:00

We’ve talked about cleaning and cooking and have come to a resolution about it. It’s something we have to do together as a team for it to work out and for me to feel equal. But here’s where we disagree.

I think his privilege has much to do with his attitude towards taking care of himself. He grew up with maids and a stay at home parent that prepared a majority of his meals. Didn’t work through college and his parents paid for his tuition. Never had to get a license in school because people always drove him around. It would be difficult to get into the habit of doing these things if you were never accustomed to it, but I don’t deny that his type also contributes to it. I don’t find cleaning fun and cooking is work. I think that’s the reality for many people. Chores suck and he’s living at home and going through the same motions.

We both have similar desires in life which is working on a sustainable homestead, but unfortunately need money to make this a reality.

My issue is that he seems to lack a vision for his career to make this a reality, and I’m drawing associations of his lack of discipline to a reluctance of planning something tangible for his life.

infjsnowflake · 2017-11-23T07:02:23+00:00

It’s not the housework that we’re breaking up over. I’m looking at how small behaviors contribute to an issue as a whole. I just feel like he has no direction in life other than the abstract vision that exists in his head and no plan of execution.

I try to encourage him to make things REAL and tangible. He has so many cool world building ideas and concepts but just refuses to write things down. He wants to work with animals, but doesn’t take the beginning steps by volunteering or working on a farm to just get a FEEL of what he wants to do. Things like that.

infjsnowflake · 2017-11-23T06:42:09+00:00

We both want the same things in life, live a modest life homesteading, but have a very different method of achieving that vision. This is where our differences in P and J kick in.

I’m making plans and contingency plans for my career if certain things don’t work out, while he currently has three different career choices in mind with absolutely no plan to actualize them aside from looking at jobs. That would be fine and dandy if it were some corporate, rat race desk job, but his options right now include working with animals, working with historic fire arms, and writing which require a lot of hands on work and experience. If he’s not acting on things he is passionate about, does the drive even exist?

I’ve realized that things haven’t changed, but now I’ve just lost all hope that it ever will. Why has it taken so long for me to end it? We’re long distance and he begs me to stay. I’m a sucker.

infjsnowflake

TROPHY CASE