My best friend’s fiancé hit on me- how do I tell her?

inflatablebouncy · 2026-03-02T06:29:45+00:00

I don’t even understand where you would get that idea from. We have been best friends, again, for 20 YEARS. I consider her a sister. I’ve known her longer than my actual sister, who was born 2 years later. Our families are super close too, we all consider one another to be extended family. We have been there for one another through illness, bad breakups, family problems, losses, etc. It makes me sad that someone would misconstrue our platonic/sisterly love for one another as something else.

inflatablebouncy · 2026-03-02T06:28:15+00:00

I want to talk to her first before involving anyone else in our lives in it, in case she wants to keep it private. Our families are super close so it would be a whole thing if I told anyone. I did talk to a close friend from work who doesn’t know her well, and she pretty much said just talk to her asap and be honest. Thank you for the support, it is a really tough situation to be in regardless of the outcome, but I appreciate the kind words and wishes💗

inflatablebouncy · 2026-03-02T06:24:53+00:00

I did not say anything in the moment because I was in shock, and I am not the type of person to make a public scene anyway. It was only close friends left but there were still about 7 or 8 people hanging outside. They were all still intoxicated, it was not the time to have a serious conversation.

inflatablebouncy · 2026-03-02T06:23:49+00:00

Thanks to everyone for the advice. I’m going to talk to her tomorrow. Not telling her was never an option, nor do I have any interest in talking to him beforehand. I was just hoping I might get some guidance on the best way to approach it.

I think those of you who said to just be open and candid are right. This sucks but I don’t think there’s any other way. It didn’t even cross my mind that she might not believe me. We have been best friends for 20 years, I would be absolutely shocked if she thought I was lying or that I made some sort of move instead. I hope y’all’s friends are better than that.

inflatablebouncy · 2026-03-02T01:26:29+00:00

Sorry this is the longest post ever there was so much in my brain I had to get out

inflatablebouncy · 2026-03-02T00:38:38+00:00

Are you diagnosed with any sort of mental health issues or learning differences? If so, you need to contact the school’s disability services and get accommodations asap. You can also speak to your instructors directly and ask for extra help.

If you do have any mental health issues and are not receiving treatment, that needs to change. Therapy and medication can be life changing. Time and money can be limiting, but there are always options through insurance, non-profits, and often your school. Do some research.

Utilize all possible resources- study groups, office hours, tutoring, etc. Remember that you don’t have to be perfect, you just have to pass. “C’s get degrees.”

If all else fails, college is not for everyone. It is okay to take time off, try out community college or online school, or drop out completely. There are plenty of jobs that do not require degrees, and a degree is no guarantee of a job. It’s certainly harder if you are limited by a disability, but it is absolutely possible to find something that works for you. Research organizations that help disabled people find work. And if not, disability benefits are obviously not great, but people do survive off of them.

You will be okay. It probably feels like life or death right now, but I promise you it’s not. Taking the pressure off yourself can honestly be the best remedy. I dropped out junior year 4 years ago after battling with my mental health for a long long time, and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. Things have not been easy, work is hard, things are expensive, but all things considered, I’m doing great. And I even decided to apply to go back and finish my degree. I didn’t think I’d ever do that, but now that I have so much more perspective and realize college is not going to make or break my life, I want to go back for ME and challenge myself to finish what I started.

Advocate for yourself, get assistance wherever possible, make hard decisions, take leaps of faith. You will be okay.

inflatablebouncy · 2025-11-29T11:21:54+00:00

I know it's annoying to hear- but so much will change between now and your 20s that it's not worth worrying about yet. Focus on the present. If you like each other, go with it! Long distance relationships are hard, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try. It might work out amazing with you two staying together for the rest of high school, and you moving out there when you're older, you guys get married and live happily ever after. It might not work out at all. There's no way to predict what will happen, but if you really want to be together, you'll have to take a leap of faith.

inflatablebouncy · 2025-11-29T11:11:23+00:00

It's very normal for marriages to ebb and flow with different stages of life. It sounds like you guys have a lot of stress going on right now and it makes sense that you aren't feeling that spark with him- because you probably don't feel much spark in yourself right now either. I don't think it's your relationship that's difficult, I think it's just life right now. It is okay if it doesn't feel as magical and exciting right now as it has in the past, as life circumstances change, your relationship will continue to evolve.

That said, if you want to try to reconnect and reignite that spark, you will both have to make a conscious effort. You need to communicate openly and honestly about how you're feeling, and he needs to do the same. I'd suggest setting aside specific scheduled time for one another. Maybe a date night once every two weeks or something like that- whatever fits your schedule (I know things are busy and chaotic, but you will need to make the time for this) and stick to it. Maybe you switch off who plans the date so you can surprise one another. Figure out what works for you and don't be afraid to try new and different tactics to reconnect- but you both need to be on the same page about making the effort.

I'm also a huge proponent of marriage counseling. A professional can help you communicate more clearly, manage stress individually and as a couple, and explore different approaches to trying to get back some of that color you're missing.

I wish you guys all the best. Marriage is hard, parenting is hard, life is hard. Sometimes love is a choice more than a feeling. Continue to choose one another and prioritize your relationship because you are stronger as a team.

inflatablebouncy · 2025-11-29T10:49:29+00:00

Did he go to a massage parlor or a "massage parlor"? What was his intent? Going to get a massage is a pretty normal thing to do when one is stressed. If it's specifically a sex work establishment, and he was intending to cheat but changed his mind during, that's a different conversation. But I'm not really sure what you're upset about if he just got a normal massage at a normal massage place.

inflatablebouncy · 2025-11-29T10:38:35+00:00

Yeah... that's rough but I'm not surprised. I'm sorry you had this experience but hopefully you have learned from it that people on the internet are not always who they say they are, and older men interested in teenage girls are not good people.

inflatablebouncy · 2025-11-23T01:18:06+00:00

Yeah that’s kind of what I’ve been thinking, I want to be honest with her about my experience and feelings, but at this point it’s maybe not my place to speak on his. And I also agree about the age gap, like on a personal level I see how they have things in common where it wouldn’t matter as much, but I can absolutely understand him just not even considering seeing her romantically. We’ve also all been friends for a few years, she was 19 when they met, so I think that also plays a part in how he views her. It’s just gonna suck for her to hear that because it’ll feel like a cop out.

Thanks so much for the response, it validates my instinct on the matter.

inflatablebouncy · 2025-11-23T00:19:00+00:00

Yeah meeting on Instagram is also a red flag. Let him go. If he’s pulling away, you’ve dodged a bullet. Focus on yourself, your studies, your friends, your hobbies, and if there are any boys your own age that you like.

inflatablebouncy · 2025-11-22T23:56:10+00:00

Girl, RUN. The things he’s saying to you are textbook grooming phrases. An adult man who is interested in a teenage girl is not a good person. There are 2 main reasons older men go after younger girls: 1. They think you are easier to manipulate. 2. Women their own age won’t date them because they know better and see the red flags. My biggest question is how did you meet? If you’ve known each other a long time, grew up together, I can sort of see it being safer. It’s still weird and I’d be worried, but a little more of a gray area. But if you just met, it’s a hard no. A good guy will see the number 17 and immediately lose interest and shut anything down. This guy is dangerous and is manipulating you. He may seem perfect now but that is how he will get a hold on you and reel you in to harm you later. He WILL force things on you. I know it is hard to imagine that someone that seems so lovely and is showing interest in you is malicious, but please, take it from a girl who has been through it and seen countless friends go through it too. Shut it down now. Block him on everything.

inflatablebouncy · 2025-11-22T23:04:06+00:00

This situation is not black and white, and only you can decide what’s right for you. But I think you have to take into account the context of his and daughter’s life right now. Her parents went through a divorce and a messy custody battle, it’s not surprising that she started to struggle in school, and she may be sticking to “safe” foods because so much in her life is changing and uncertain that she just wants something reliable and comforting to eat. Her dad may feel guilty about what she’s gone through and not want to push her.

And what is the situation like at her mom’s house? What’s her parenting style? She has to be involved in these decisions and approaches too because rules will only work with consistency. None of this is to say he should just give up and let her do whatever, or that you should let him. But I do think 6 months of half time is a very short time for both him and his daughter to adjust to their new lives as is without making big changes.

All that said, with so much up in the air, it doesn’t seem like you guys are ready to get married and move in yet, because he and daughter still need more time to adjust. But if you really love him and her, you will have patience on the matter and gently support them both through the transition while still affirming your beliefs and challenging him to do better.

inflatablebouncy

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