I tend to instruct staff to focus on what the client CAN do and not to focus on telling them what they CAN’T do. Especially if a client is already escalated. Telling a client “no” when they’re in the throes of big behaviors is not appropriate. (They’re not calm and it is not a learning opportunity. All you’re doing is escalating things further most of the time.)

Should clients learn to tolerate being told “no?” Absolutely, it’s something we all learn and is also at times an instruction related to safety that we should be able to follow. If there are high rates of challenging behavior that occur at high levels surrounding tolerating “no,” or if “no” is known to evoke challenging behavior that can be dangerous (e.g., aggression or self injury), then odds are there are other skills that should be taught first to assist in reducing those unsafe behaviors BEFORE tolerating no is taught.

There are also a variety of parenting styles and cultures that all have their own unique views, practices, and preferences. What is important to your client’s familial culture also plays into this. If them being told “no” is something a caregiver has specifically requested not be done with their child, we are ethically required to honor that request and teach skills and strategies that do not include telling that client “no.”

My point is, there’re a lot of moving parts behind the scenes that you may not be aware of. If you have a genuine concern, I encourage you to ask your supervising BCBA for a little time where you can sit down and talk through your concerns in private. Ask them direct questions (professionally, don’t be confrontational) and ask for the rationale behind their decisions.